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Brand New Band • Page 859

Discussion in 'Music Forum' started by Jason Tate, Jan 9, 2016.

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  1. BTDandFeelingThis

    Now I Know This World Isn’t Spinning Just For Me Prestigious

    The CMCS: making friendships since November 2017
     
  2. supernovagirl

    Poetic and noble land mermaid

    I know that a lot of us do still have intense, heavy feelings involving this band. Something I definitely struggle with is feeling like I have no one to turn to about all of mine. The only people who "get it" are right here on this site and so many of them have made it clear that, to them, it is completely taboo to mention anything at all about them unless it's a short and sweet "fuck them". Anyone else I know outside of this site....doesn't get it. Feeling like I have no one who understands how I'm feeling is a terrible way to cope/heal. And then you are given guilt on top of that, that you're making it about you instead of about the victims. I can't overstate how complex everything is. We could all be afforded some more compassion about the situation. Also, if anyone ever wants to discuss and dissect our complicated feelings, my inbox is open. I'm open to trying to have a judgement free dialogue about everything.
     
  3. Eclipse

    Regular

    This is a really good wording of a lot of stuff I've been feeling the past few months. I think the main things for me was a lot of the discography for this band was very essential in me processing my own sexual abuse, so it felt like a very specific betrayal/being fooled in that sense. I think I don't miss the music or have any urge to listen because it feels like the magic is gone and it's not what I thought it was. In general what happened definitely changed my view on people i look up to, people in the music industry, and people i considered friends within the next few months due to not only this issue but what would follow. Maybe it's naive it took that long, but what can i say, last november I was 17, and even though I had dealt with both people I look up to and people who I was personally close to being beyond shitty people this felt very different for some reason and I'm still not entirely sure why. And I do wanna disclaim that anything I feel is obviously secondhand to the women directly effected, and their safety and health needs to be the first priority at the end of the day.

    As for this thread, I do think this can be a useful tool as this had a very large and specific effect on a corner of music that a lot of this site participates in and builds around, and it can help talking about specifics that may be too lengthy in the accountability thread. I hope it never gets used for it, but there's also the possibility of actual news (not like weird rumors from desperate people), that would probably once again spark discussions too lengthy and specific for the accountability thread? But also i know nothing about running websites or forums and ive only been here a few months.
     
  4. nohandstoholdonto

    problem addict Prestigious

    great post


    LONG RANT BELOW!!!
    ------------------
    as someone who has been sexually assaulted multiple times in my life, both in the last few months and as a child by family, it does absolutely no good for me to have Brand New treated the way they are on this site nearly a year on. My feelings are more complex than a simple "fuck that band" or "you're an apologist if you listen to them" or whatever, and seeing folks on here (*mostly* men!) continually get aggressive at any mention of the band and resort to shaming is... just not a healthy way to tackle this imo. Idk, I certainly don't speak for all victims/survivors/women/trans folks/whatever, but I'm just fucking tired of it honestly and have had private convos with other like-minded, socially conscious non-male individuals who feel similarly.

    I'm not sure how to word this properly, but the best I can do is say that I am generally tired of male aggression constantly worming its way into social justice discourse; we're trying to tackle and interrogate toxic masculinity, among other things, and I'm sorry to say it, but the way some of y'all handle these convos and the tactics you use ARE ALSO TOXICALLY MASCULINE, and don't really serve any positive purpose aside from maybe your own validation in "being right" and earning internet points or whatever. And you end up dominating the conversation! Over non-men! I've been feeling this way for the better part of a year now and have not had the strength, energy, or gall to speak my mind but *shrug* I'm done bottling it.
     
  5. Lucas27

    Trusted

    I know I said in my previous post that maybe the thread should be closed, but man, I feel like this last page is what this thread should be all about. Let's get all this stuff out in the open and talk about it instead of bottling it up. If no one outside this site is going to understand the BN situation like the people here, this thread needs to stay open. I feel like giving any one person the freedom to pull up this thread and just say "Hey guys, this whole thing is still really hurting. Who else?" and open up a dialogue is absolutely the best thing that could be done.

    As for anyone feeling guilty about "making it about you instead of the victims," I don't think it's ever that simple. A lot of people here followed Jesse Lacey so closely. I work in the church and this situation is kind of like a band equivalent of a pastor being caught in a scandal. Sure, the pastor's family would be suffering the most, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have a far reaching impact on everybody. It shouldn't be all-consuming in the long run, but it's allowed to hurt. Badly.

    And geez. Some of your own stories are hard to read. I'm so sorry for everything anyone in here has gone through. Maybe that's another reason this thread could stay open...for some of those hurts to be aired out and talked through as well if need be. Just turn this thread into a hospital.
     
  6. I've caught up on this thread now, and while there's a lot of posts I want to respond to, I think this one best gets my feelings on the matter across. Thank you for writing it. And for many others in this thread for sharing your stories and thoughts. I personally still haven't been able to come to terms with Brand New myself. I try, and I just can't get the words right. I have so much of my life built into how much I loved this band, photos and shit on the walls, that I don't even know where to begin working through my thoughts on everything ... but at some point, I'll also want to write something and share ... and I think this would be where I'd want to share that.

    It starts with the idea of "should Brand New (or any person/band accused of something) be talked about at all" ... and I think the answer to that question is, for many people, yes. Because I do believe it's healthy to talk about things and work through things with others that are likeminded. That is not something that is healthy for everyone, and everyone should make their own choices on that matter. However, if the answer to that question is "no, no one should ever talk about Brand New on this website at all" -- it means the only place to even think about talking about the band are places like Reddit, and other environments that I don't think are positive places for those kinds of conversations. And, as this thread has shown, there's a lot of people that have things they want to share, or work through, in regard to this band and art and the pain it's caused.

    I also do empathize with those that do not want to talk about the band, or see the band's name, and get that. That's another reason why I think having one thread specifically available is better than having those conversations in other threads where it's more likely to spill out and impact someone that didn't expect it/wasn't ready for it yet.

    Brand New has had a massive impact on a lot of our lives. I don't think it's right to judge people for having hard feelings about what to do, and how to handle the situation or what to even do going forward. I do not think that means people just want to pretend nothing happened. In my life, no one knows about what happened with the band. I can't talk to my friends about it; they have no idea. At some point, I am going to want to talk about this ... I want to do it on my website and not on Reddit. I don't think I'm the only one that feels that way. However, if/when that time comes I think people need to be way more compassionate with people that are looking for a place to workout their feelings. Wanting to, in one specific thread with likeminded people, work through their feelings about a hard topic, I do not think makes someone a bad person that does not empathize with victims.

    With that, I think we should also be compassionate and understanding about what this thread can and should be used for. It's probably not best served as a chat thread right now, and probably not best served as a recommendation thread either. However, I know many people are looking for a band to replace Brand New in their lives. They want to feel that again. They want that connection again. And I think people offering bands that could help others find that ... is totally valid. I understand it completely.

    I also know that the best "answer" to this is probably a technological one. Building a "thread blocking" feature is something that is on my list to do, but it's going to be a pretty big project, and that means devoting time and resources to it. I have a few other things on my list I wanted to get to first, but after a few bug fixes, I think I'll move this to the top of the list instead of the link embed feature I was going to work on next. (Please keep in mind that these things cost me time and money to do and this website is how I make a living.)
     
  7. bachna84

    we are nothing more than mannequins Prestigious

    Good post @Jason Tate

    Here’s the chat thread for anyone interested:
    Th es a 99% Chanel This Is A Music Chat Thread

    Here’s the recommendations thread for anyone interested:
    Recommendations

    Personally I feel like this thread is the perfect place for people to share their thoughts and feelings regarding the events of the past year and can be a form of therapy for many.
     
  8. StormAndTheSun

    insects come to life Supporter

    This is an excellent post, thank you.
     
  9. trevorshmevor Sep 8, 2018
    (Last edited: Sep 8, 2018)
    @supernovagirl @nohandstoholdonto thank you both SO MUCH for your posts. I want to literally scream out loud right now because of how you both put into words what I’ve attempted to type out so many times on this site, giving up every time out of frustration knowing that I’d only be responded to negatively and aggressively. It’s sad to feel that cynical about a place I love so much. The inability for some users to distinguish people working through their personal issues from people that pretend like nothing happen/lack empathy for victims is downright heartbreaking — because for the majority of us, if we can’t do it here, then where can we?

    Sorry I know I’m just sort of echoing here. Just want to voice support for all of you.
     
  10. Maddy

    Regular

    Agreed with all the previous posts...i def was so afraid to post here because it seemed that others were being attacked for dealing with feelings in a different way than others
     
  11. Kevin360

    Someday I’ll find me Prestigious

    It hurts. It will always hurt.

    It hurts because I miss the music.

    It hurts because I miss the discussion.

    It hurts because I know that I will never let myself follow or love a band like I did Brand New. It’s just not possible.

    It hurts because I know that I am too old to make those emotional connections and memories with any other music or medium.

    It hurts because those years are behind me, and all that’s ahead are memories that conflict with each other, emotions that only frustrate me.

    It hurts so much that I’ve only been able to articulate my feeling in private discussions here, and those feelings and thoughts are in a state of constant flux. This was such a beautiful and wonderful place to express love for music, love for the art, and the terrible things that Jesse did have absolutely crushed so many things that I found joy in.

    It hurts that I found so much joy in being here, and I haven’t felt that joy in for so long, as I tiptoe and dodge the stuff I really want to just open up and talk about.
     
  12. DesolateEarth

    Birb

    I personally still listen to the band but I value and appreciate all of you who dont. I certainly wont be seeing them live if (hopefully not) they do get back together, nor will I be recommending or plugging them for anyone anymore. It's entirely my own private decision. They meant alot to me in a period of time and there are so many memories attached to their music for me to not revisit it.
     
    oldboot, Polaris, Connor and 7 others like this.
  13. Omni

    Regular

    A lot of great posts on the last two pages. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I hope in time I will be able to do the same.
     
  14. sophos34

    Prestigious Supporter

    I just want to give an extremely large round of applause for this post
     
  15. Kevin360

    Someday I’ll find me Prestigious

    I love you guys.
     
  16. BTDandFeelingThis

    Now I Know This World Isn’t Spinning Just For Me Prestigious

    This is the most true post on chorus In A long time. Thank you for this.
     
  17. DesolateEarth Sep 8, 2018
    (Last edited: Sep 8, 2018)
    DesolateEarth

    Birb

    Now that I have more time I can write a more thought out response to all of this. Bare with me because I doubt I will be able to articulate my thoughts as well as many of you have!

    It is awesome to see everything everyone has written on the last couple pages. This is what I like to see in this place. As I have said before in other threads, it has difficult for me to contribute to a lot of the more heated and sensitive topics on here out of fear that, as somebody who doesn't always completely agree with certain points of view on some of them, I will only stir up more emotions. As such, I have avoided those discussions, not out of not caring, but because I didnt want to cause any further ripples in the water.

    As a cis white male who was never a part of a community who cares so much about abuse and victims of abuse before now, I have had a lot to learn about this topic and am still learning. Being able to talk about topics like this instead of avoiding them and being shut down helps me continue to learn and continue to try to be a better, more informed person. I feel like not talking about these situations at all does nothing to educate those who need it, and only produces rifts in the site and more problems. I also feel like it should be a choice to engage in this conversation, and agree with everyone saying they would rather have it confined to this thread than spill over into other threads where people who are negatively impacted by this band or others and trying to avoid it will see it.

    Thank you Jason for being inclusive and open to discussion of these topics. It separates Chorus from other places on the internet where having an opinion outside of the majority is handled with toxic attacks. I love this site and am glad to be a part of it and want to contribute more.
     
  18. teebs41

    Prestigious Prestigious

  19. Kingjohn_654

    Longtime Sunshine Prestigious

    I'm very impressed with how candid and verbose everyone is in here. Idk if illI ever be ready to open up completely about what this band meant to me and what I feel now. I didn't listen to any music at all for a little over a month when the news broke. I appreciate everyone in here. Really, thanks for sharing.
     
  20. I did. I was stunned because Thursday is another favorite of mine, and I never expected both bands to interact with each others. Their album was incredible and I recommend it to everyone, regardless of what genre you are more inclined to listen to. I'm happy that the remaining members got a second chance.

    I know how much it hurts. The memories aren't gone but they are definitely tainted, and I understand how hard it is to not be able to revisit what your former self was feeling at those particular points in your life. Instead, anger, confusion or frustration over Jesse's behavior are some of the emotions left from it. Coming to terms with the fact that their music doesn't bring you comfort and joy anymore is heartbreaking. It has been taken from you and you can't take it back.

    I have no idea how old you are, but I wanted to reassure you. Sure, you won't be able to have the exact same connection with another band or artist as you did with Brand New, as you had very specific memories shared with the latter's music. I promise that it's never too late though. Sometimes, there comes a band whose album comes out of nowhere and hits you so hard that it feels like it has always been a part of your life. It can happen tomorrow, or it can happen way later down the line. You might not know yet. I hope that you will find this much joy in someone else's art as you did with this band.



    I'm so relieved after reading today's posts. As a survivor of childhood sexual assault, and suffering from PTSD over it, your stories hit close to home. I wish I could get less emotional and act like the past doesn't affect me, but these issues made me who I am and I have to accept all of this. I'm thankful for having this discussion though, as it makes me feel less lonely. No matter what your stances on these issues are, I'm grateful for your posts as it helps me cope with the anxiety generated by even a simple mention of this band.
     
  21. SamLevi11

    Trusted Prestigious

    Honestly after the last few pages of this thread, I feel more positive about being on this website than I have since this whole thing came out.
     
  22. sophos34

    Prestigious Supporter

    after losing brand new i actually kind of clung harder to the bands that meant the most to me to kind of make up for the void they left. maybe not the healthiest way to deal with what happened and potentially setting myself up for future pain. but as much as they meant to me, brand new weren't the only band to "save" me or whatever and really get me through the toughest times of my life. they may have been the biggest at one point to have affected me in that way but after falling back in love with those choice bands (who i dont really need to name or want to name, those who know me know what bands im talking about) its safe to say i love them just as much as i ever loved brand new. so, while i do miss them, ive filled that void by doubling down on those other bands who meant so much to me. its helped a lot. i cant let myself fall out of love with music, as horrible as the industry and people in it can be. i have to believe there's good bands full of good people doing good things still.
     
  23. softanimal Sep 8, 2018
    (Last edited: Sep 8, 2018)
    softanimal

    It's my mum's dodge caravan

    Just echoing sentiments that last few pages have been great, my mental health has been at its worst probably ever since this whole thing (not just because of this, but like a big factor) as I never really processed it, just completely blocked it out. The music was a pretty important part of my life in the previous years, got me through so much, was a big part of my online and in person music communities like here and so just completely severing everything (an understandable reaction considering the revelations) has had an impact. Don't think my relationship with music has really been the same since. Even typing this makes me feel shit as I know the sort of reactions I've seen in this thread and it makes me feel weak and that I'm trivialising sexual assault with my own pathetic problems but like I still haven't dealt with it and it's still an issue in my life really. This is a start though.
     
  24. NJPunkMusic

    Die rad.

    I still listen to this band and dont feel too bad about it. I feel terrible for the victims, but the music just will always have me. I dont think of Jesse Lacey as a god anymore thats for sure and think he is a complete *%&*. I feel the worst for the victims and honestly I feel bad for the rest of the band who never got a proper and final good bye. They couldn't even make it to 2018 as planned. Wonder what they originally had intended as a farewell. Thats what strikes me the most.
     
  25. owenlongsworth

    Regular

    I think about what would have been the band's end a lot. The final show, what would be the opening song? what would be the last song? How would they end it all? With the nostalgic route of Soco? Or would they have gone out with the wildest and longest You Won't Know ever? Obviously us losing this band pales in comparison to what the victims went through, but it's just crazy to think how this has all panned out. We finally got the last album after 8 long years, we got new songs in the set and a impressive stage show. Plus Kevin was added to fill out the live sound. The album debuted at #1 on the billboard charts. It was a fan pleaser and was getting a lot of critical acclaim. Hell, maybe even a Grammy nod for best rock album would have been in the cards. It honestly looked like it was all going to end perfectly. Which would have been awesome. These guys did everything that on a paper, a band shouldn't do. They stopped releasing singles, shooting videos, doing interviews. Everything bands do to promote themselves and keep getting their names out there. Yet, somehow, they kept getting bigger and bigger.

    And then just like that, everything was just gone again, and that will likely be the last we ever hear from this band. I feel like they're not stupid enough to try to squeeze in a final run and act like it never happened. They're well aware of their size and following and with them planning to end it this year anyway, with how big that story blew up and the radio silence that followed. That's it, it's done.

    I think, unfortunately, this will just add to the band's mystique and legacy even more. There's still a lot of people who don't know about the things that happened and to them, the band just disappeared again. I still listen to the music a lot and even wear the shirts I have. But I wouldn't go see them live or buy anything else they from them. But when I do bring up the Jesse Lacey stuff, the usual response I hear from people is "So? they made great music." Which is obviously a huge problem we have with the way fans views artists. Look at the bigger artists: Jimmy Page, Anthony Kiedis, Iggy Pop, Chuck Berry who have all slept with underage women, but did their careers take a hit like artists are now a days? No. And they likely never will.

    But as we have seen recently in the last couple of years, change is happening. When the reports start getting out there, that artist is pretty much done for. PWR BTTM is a prime example. They were blowing up and every one was raving about their new album. Then the victim's stories came out, and again, just like that, everything for them was over. Touring members immediately left the group and bands dropped off the upcoming tours, management and label both dropped them. No one was talking about them anymore. They were just gone.
     
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