@drstrong Just read your two excerpts. I think I saw you mention in here that you have spent a lot of time writing screenplays, and I think that shows in your draft. Your dialogue is working, but I think I'd take some time and go back through and flesh out around your dialogue. A few places seemed more "tell" vs. "show" which I think is a main difference between screenplay and novel writing. You seemingly have a really good grounding of characters, so I'm also curious more about the greater world around it.