Writing • Page 29

anyone willing to help me out? desperately seeking feedback for a full-length poetry collection (around 40 or so poems). many of them have been published before. I'm down to swap a read for a read if you have a need for feedback too.

 

God's been taking a picture of all the things He loves,
but when I fully develop, will I be displayed or hung?
I've been taking it easy, let the air control my lungs.
Pretend the feeling's beneath me when it keeps on rising up.

I'm caught by the shepherd's hook.
He's been telling me lullabies from his favorite book.
Made my bed in the slaughterhouse.

They're arming cavalry for the Belmont Stakes!
They fill your cavities while they ache.
Oh, my God, I feel misplaced.
I've tattooed fault lines where my chest holds treasures eroded by the blood in my veins.
I'm corroded by the jewelry that should tempt me to stay in this state.
I'm afraid that when I get back to shore,
I can't afford to be displayed.

 

good stuff lago! for whatever reason, growing up as a jehovah's witness, that second stanza hit hard for me.

 

'i hear visions, i see decibels
these malfunctions were inevitable
i've become a passenger in this machine
sleepless nights, endless days
i don't suppose i'll ever be the same
do i want to be?
you and i against the world, death or glory

these eyes are open
this view is broken
a kaleidoscope horizon
countless jagged shards
come together, come apart...'

this might turn into another neon genesis: evangelion piece. not that it meant to be that way. kinda just happened.

 

two quick stanzas today. ATL allegations lately forced me to swim in the sludge-like memories of all the bands I've left behind due to similar actions. decided to write about it. kill off your heroes and all that stuff.

Grow a rose in a garden.
When it fully blooms, will you watch it burn?
Destroy the things that you confide in
and when I tell you why, do you speak in turn?

I made an empress out of leverage.
When we wed tonight, will our vows be heard?
I've kissed beliefs that I've contested.
I want to mold my mind.
I want to be unlearned.

 

Thank you both for sharing your work.

 

Toho Journal officially released its statement to contributors that they're closing their doors. I really loved being their fiction editor and workshop coordinator. The pride I feel for helping publish so many writers and artists these last three years is impossible to describe. I'm so glad I was able to part of this team at all.

I think people from our team want to start up a new Philly journal from the ashes. I'll keep you guys in the loop with whatever happens.

But, for now, RIP Toho Journal.

 

Yay! My author copy arrived! Check out The Head & The Hand’s newest (magnificent) anthology Hindsight, featuring my short-story “I See the Eye.” Support a small press and order your copy at the link below or just msg me and I’ll send the story itself!

Hindsight: Reflections Before and After 2020

 

i have tons of demos from songs i'll never release and over the past two days i've been working a bit on my third project, writing a sister poem to a previous song of mine. will post both as i'm quite proud of them.

 

So I actually sent a chapter to about 10 friends/family, knowing what the flaws were and what I wanted to change. I've heard back from one of them so far (I wasn't really looking for super deep insights, just putting the earliest feelers out there) but I have already started rewriting the chapter and I feel so much better about it this go around.

 

Been working on a poetry full-length for awhile now and I felt pretty good with how it was turning out. Sent it to a couple beta-readers and one of them liked it but another kinda trashed it (like questioned every creative decision I made) while it also was objectively decent feedback which makes it even harder to accept. Feeling a bit discouraged at the moment.

 

Is it a beta reader you've gone to before?

 

No, but he actually did read and review my first poetry chapbook that came out last year and he loved it, gave it a glowing review. I would even consider him an internet friend of mine. But the feedback was hella harsh. Granted the vibe of this manuscript is very different from that first one.

 

fragments: but home

a few short stanzas to build on.
or maybe choruses.

 

I’m curious. What is everyone working on in terms of big projects? I feel like we get the same few people posting small pieces every so often which is cool but I’d like to get an actual dialogue going where we share ideas and talk about our WIP’s and goals and stuff. As writers, we don’t need yet another void to scream into. Let’s talk to each other.

I’m currently working on a poetry full-length titled The Mystic Orchards that focuses on stillness as a concept, as well as the flight of imagination and guiding/balancing power of love. It’s dreamy and might have a touch more spiritual yearning than my last poetry chapbook Palm Lines, which released last winter. I hope to finish a round of revision soon and send it for more edits and eventually submit it around.

I’m also releasing my debut fiction novella on 12/3 as I’ve already spoke about, Below Torrential Hill, which was written over the course of eight years. I’m excited but I’m also ready for what’s next.

I’ve written some stories since, but I want to begin another novel. I have some ideas written out but it’s pretty nebulous at the moment. The vague idea is that I want it to follow a family with shifting POV’s - father a former mine trapper, mother a celebrated poet, and daughter a wistful/imaginative 12-yr-old. I want the daughter to save her parents at the end, reign back her mentally-adrift mother who withdraws into her art and her self-pitying father (who is filled with shame about his past). And I want her imagination to help save them. And following that same thread, I want to imbue a rich magical-realist atmosphere which keeps the characters’ thoughts and emotions tied to the grandiose.

It’s all very airy right now, but still I wonder if that story potentially sounds interesting to anyone other than me.

What’s everyone else working on?

 

i've been workin on putting a book together for about 10 years now: 'before this rescue becomes a recovery'.
split into three chapters: 'who buries the grave digger?', 'the next mourning', and 'all roads end somewhere'.
first part is about my marriage/divorce/depression/suicide. second is about friends/coworkers/celebrity experiences. third is about facing death.

i feel like i have all the pieces to put my book together, about 80 different poems/songs, but i keep wanting to add more/write more, rather than put together what i have and save the recent pieces for a future project. not to mention i hate having to proofread the first set of pieces cause it was such a shit time to live through.

i do have at the top of my 2022 list to finalize my book and actually print/self make a few copies for myself. the original plan was to make about 50 and gift them to loved ones at my funeral/cremation.

 

Damn that sounds heavy and cool as hell. Thanks for sharing. I love all the titles you've come up with. Of course, hoping that suicidal part is just a fictional detail to the whole thing.

 

unfortunately not. having your house foreclosed at the same time you're moving out due to separation and ultimately divorce... i was in a bad spot then. i'm a firm believer of quality over quantity. i'm not tryin to break any records as far as length of life. when i feel like i'm ready to go i'll go on my terms. in that moment in 2013 i was just about ready to, not for success of a life lived, but a life failed.

thankfully, i'm not there right now. i'm good.

 

Been working on the same fantasy novel this whole time. It's at/around 130,000 words.....and that's after cutting it in half (because what first time author is going to get their 200K+ word novel published?). I've done the whole first very rough draft. It's 5 different POVS:

1. A high ranking officer in a religious empire tasked with her first mission deep into enemy territory
2. An empath type character who uses her abilities to hunt down children with similar potential in order to recruit them to her order
3. An alcoholic street brawler who uses his fighting skills to buy protection for him and his friends from the local slumlord and his goons
4. The daughter of a garrison commander who sees something she really shouldn't have and feels compelled to act on it, despite never having been outside of the city walls
5. A scholar who studies ancient/dead languages, with a dark past that he's been running from for years

There are minor POVs here and there: a young boy with the ability to walk through walls, an acolyte of dark arts trying to figure out how to summon demons, etc. All framed against the backdrop of an ancient demigod type character who was banished to an empty Sphere (my term for "realm" or "world") centuries ago and has been trying to break free ever since. His constant struggling to escape tears at the fabric between Spheres, forming openings for demons to emerge into the mortal Spheres and wreak havoc on humans.

That's a terrible summary and it hurts to even explain it like that, but that's the bare bones gist of it. I've had the idea since 2014 but I didn't actually start writing until 2018 (or 2019?) in the wake of my divorce. My avatar is actually a rough draft of the map for the world I've created.

I sent out a first draft chapter to about 10 people a few weeks ago, knowing it was bad and knowing what I wanted to fix. I've only heard from one of them but their response basically confirms what I already thought: too much info-dumping, too much telling, not enough showing. It's a hard line to balance in fantasy when it comes to info-dumping your readers and I'm having to figure that out. I've since rewritten that first chapter and trimmed out a lot of fat. I refined the main POV, changed it to a much more interesting setting, and added tension. I feel WAY better about it.

Now I just uh, have to do that for the other...41ish chapters...

 

This sounds sprawling and ambitious. I love that you’re just totally going for it. In such an imaginative world, I’m sure there’s no shortage of detail in terms of showing and not telling. It sounds like a challenge but also a worthy one, truly epic in scope but also approachable if you take it step by step.

This is the trouble I’m having with my next book. I’m just so caught up on big picture that it’s preventing me from actually beginning writing. But with that said, I’m pretty sure I still need to do more outlining and figure out exactly what story I’m telling.

It definitely helps to know there are others in here who are really going for their big idea.

 

Yeah I won't lie, I spent so much time planning, outlining, drawing maps, and just generally making wild shit up because hey it's my own world and I can do whatever I want. I actually had to stop and tell myself "ok I can go on about how many gods are in the pantheon forever, but I need to put pen to paper eventually."

 

work in progress: numbered days

fragments: words to choke upon

 

a little about my book and its creation process

 

That's awesome! You mention the process took 8 years. Was there a lot of stopping and starting? How many drafts did you have? And did you finish in 8 years or is that writing + getting it published?

Congratulations!

 

Thank you! A LOT of stopping and starting, for sure. It wasn’t 8 consecutive years. It actually began as a short-story and developed into a novella after I set it aside for a little while and did more research, organization, etc... The first complete draft was ROUUUUUGHHH. It went through so many revisions that I can't even tell you how many drafts. Depends on what you consider a "draft," but it probably went through a dozen or so beta-reads and a few rounds of paid edits. Minor changes were made to the manuscript between the designer and myself until the upteenth hour- truly until the last minute. I was patient with this work. Then again, I don't know how faster novelists do it. I feel like any big project, regardless of genre, takes a ton of energy, research, edits, space away from the text (this was important for me), returning with new perspective, etc... To do it in less than 2-3 years seems unfathomable, and yet, somehow there are authors who get this done. I think if I started now, I could manage to finish sooner than 8 years, considering I began as an uncertain, unpublished, and relatively inexperienced author. I learned my way into it. With the knowledge I have now, I think it would've taken less time, but I'm happy with the wayward path this story took. I feels like it grew alongside me.