Vent Your Frustrations • Page 81

Oh definitely . Gf keeps saying there's something about her she doesnt trust and how shes not a jealous person but she has intuition

Just wild. Nothing is going on. She was mad cause this bartender only looked at me when giving wedding info...but I think that's mostly cause j was asking the questions?

Idk. I'm going to have to do your advice to appease the situation but it's just embarrassing

 

holy shit, she might break up with me and call off the wedding for this

 

This... is not a good sign the marriage would have worked out

 

It sounds like maybe she's having second thoughts about getting married/is anxious about it and is looking for a reason to back off

 

That's what I think... but she insists it's not. When I was defending the situation she said "so I'm crazy and shes the nice awesome wedding planner"

And then after a cigarette she comes in crying because I dont have her back

She is so convinced and now my words are getting twisted

 

I realize that is is slightly hypocritical to complaint about this in this thread instead of addressing it head on, but a friend of mine invited me to follow their private twitter a long time ago and I do because it’s loke a sign of trust when friends want you to basically read their diary. But I’ve noticed that all they use it for 80% of the time is subtweeting me. Like line for line it lines up with things I say or tweet and it makes me feel super shitty and uncomfortable. I have a really big fear of people pretending to like me or being friends with me out of obligation and this is starting to feel like that. It’s just a lot of really judgmental stuff about how I live and things I do and it’s like....just unfollow me pal if you disagree with what I do so much. Instead of constantly playing this game and making me anxious.

 

I’m petty and would probably like all of the posts in a way that makes them confused so they’re like “?? Why are they liking this ITS ABOUT THEM” it’s an incredible power move imo

However I am sorry, I know it does feel shitty.
I would say that if someone is pretending to like you or only your friend for any reason besides desire to be...I mean isn’t that really sad?? Who goes through that much effort for someone they don’t like? Try to remember that you’re awesome and if anyone wants to spend their time pretending to like you instead of going and finding people they actualy like....that’s a reflection on them and is actually pretty pathetic.

Also, as someone who talks a lot of shit, I also treat Twitter as somewhat of a diary. Is it possible they don’t remember that you’re on there? I *can* say however that even when I subtweet or am snarky or whatever, I’m usually trying to do it in a place that won’t hurt them (ie: diary) and I can complain a lot about someone but I still love them and want to be friends with them. Sometimes you just need to vent.
I’m not trying to defend them or anything just giving my perspective about how/when I vent and that it isn’t a reflection of how I feel about the person!

 

I dated someone who would subtweeted me all the time if I said something that rubbed her the wrong way or if she was just in a bad mood (which was often). I don't know why people think they should not only talk shit about people they supposedly like, but do it out in the open where they can see it

 

I had a “friend” kind of do this to me years ago. I am a fairly quiet, private person and I have always been very selective of who I choose to be friends with. As a result, I don’t have many. Just a few very close friends. Typically I attribute this to my parents divorcing when I was thirteen and then moving me away from my two best friends. That was basically “event zero” for me and I have viewed my life in two stages ever since: those thirteen years before the divorce and then everything after. I will wonder forever who I would’ve been had it never happened.

Anyway, I say all of that because I fell into a deep depression, one I never really got out of, once the divorce happened and it devastated my trust issues. I was suicidal, isolated, started having panic attacks, and I internalized everything for years. Upon deciding to go to therapy two decades later I realized the reason I have pursued very close interpersonal relationships with only a select group of people ever since is simply because I have spent the entirety of my life chasing what I lost. When I was in high school I befriended a few people I remained very close to through college. One of these friends had a friend of their own who liked to hang around our group. I never really trusted him and felt uneasy around him for whatever reason. Like I said, I’m selective by nature. Eventually you dissect every little facet of an individual’s personality so thoroughly that you develop a sort of litmus test in your head. Whether that’s fair or not is probably another discussion, but regardless that’s who I became and I think most people would probably agree that they’ve met people throughout their lives who have left them thinking “I don’t know why, but I don’t think I like this person and we’re not going to be friends.” Or maybe you know exactly why.

I’m on a tangent again. So this friend of my friend is hanging around with greater frequency and I remain cordial and joke around because I’m not just going to be an asshole. This is back during the days of Myspace and so he friends me on there. After a while, he starts writing critical blog posts and leaving comments that feel entirely pointed in my direction. Eventually he drops the facade entirely and calls me out directly when he’s in the middle of arguing with someone else, complaining that I’m going to inevitably swoop in and save the day by defending my friend he’s arguing with like a “baby bird.” I left a lighthearted, albeit slightly snarky, comment meant to lighten the mood and I could tell it rubbed him the wrong way. It bothered me though because I never understood why he was targeting me, but I always knew he was. Even in social gatherings there was always this...tension I could feel even when we were joking. We didn’t honestly like each other so why were we still doing this delicate dance? Socilaizing is so fun.

Myspace goes the way of the dinosaur and everyone migrates to Facebook. He friends me on there again and it just...keeps...happening. He writes statuses that are clearly jabs at me and I choose to leave it be. Then one day I wrote a status about my wife and what she meant to me in my life. My wife and I have been best friends literally our entire lives (we met when we were four years old and she is actually one of the two best friends I lost in the move post-divorce) and I’ve written countless things both publicly and privately about aspects of her personality that I love about her. This particular post I was writing on this particular day was simply about my perspective of how she changed my life. I wrote about our love story. My wife loves it and thanks me because she’d needed to hear it that day. Life, you know? Maybe two hours later, however, this “friend” chooses to take this opportunity to write a status of his own complaining about how shitty men are for writing about the women in their lives while foregoing her own agency in the story. I get the criticism and it’s a fair one because yeah men are shitty and they do that all the time. That is not, however, what I was doing or intending to do, and, again, I have expressed those exact sentiments he was criticizing both publicly and privately for years. This “friend” will never know the depths of hell and triumph that my wife and I have experienced over the many long years we’ve known each other and been together. In short, it pissed me off. I confronted him about it because I knew what he was doing and I asked why, after all this time, he was still targeting me. He ignored me and simply shrugged. A while later he moved in with one of my close friends because he needed a place to stay and then he promptly began posting statuses complaining about them openly.

It was at that point that I finally had enough. I realized it was no longer healthy for me to carry on this way. Social media is awful all around, but scrolling past his statuses on a daily basis was giving me anxiety and unfollowing him just wasn’t enough. I unfriended him and frankly it was a relief. After a while I wasn’t even sure why I had opted to remain “friends” for so long when I was so clearly getting nothing out of it and never really wanted it in the first place. It was a strain on my mental health.

Obviously my scenario is very different from yours, but I say all of that to say this: you have to do what’s best for your own mental health. That is and always will be top priority. I think some people live to burn bridges and drag people into the depths of their own pain, whatever that may be. It’s unhealthy and they need their own form of stability. We cannot always be that for everyone we meet. Sometimes they have to get it from someone else and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad for walking away. There’s this delicate line to tow where I have been at the lowest points in my life when all I needed was for someone to just choose not to walk away from me, to stay even when I say I don’t want them to because that’s just my depression talking, and yet I sometimes feel like I too have to walk away from someone else. I don’t know. Life is hard and trusting your gut really sucks sometimes.

 

Omg why would she invite you to see it if she was just gonna drag you? How weird

 

Yeah like to be clear even tho I vent on Twitter i don’t do it about anyone that actually follows me on Twitter. In fact I specifically use Twitter to vent because I have so few IRL people on there

Anyway that’s why I’m like maybe they don’t remember that you follow them there

 

thank you for this really thought out reply- even if it's slightly different, it made me feel a lot better. I think I struggle with this for a lot of the same reasons- my parents are divorced and I grew up in a neglectfully abusive home until my dad won custody of myself and my siblings. I don't talk about it a lot, but it influences pretty much every aspect of my life and I think I try too hard to hold onto people who are bad for me because losing anyone is hard and makes me feel bad or like it's a failing on my part. This is just the perfect storm of a situation for me to hyperfixate on.

that is what I am saying like you had this whole private place you could complain about me if you don't like me this much.

for sure!! i totally got your point- and like, for real, people are allowed to disagree with things I do or not like how I say things, whatever! I'm hurt but I also don't want to like, take that space away from them? I finally just muted them on everything and deleted my own private twitter just because it was making me so anxious and honestly probably making me worst at communicating by firing off tweets into a black hole when I'm annoyed instead of working to fix it.

Thank you all- it's really nice to have a community like this where I can make a quick and frustrated post and have so many thoughtful replies. Love u all.

 

This only makes me want to elope even more.

 

I’ve been studying entertainment journalism for a month now. One of my classes centres around issues surrounding media, which is very fascinating and sometimes alarming. However, for two weeks in a row, one of my classmates has chosen to speak about topics that are really close to me, and dangerous when not handled sensitively.

Last week, he spoke about trial by media but didn’t even mention how it’s been essential for finding a semblance of justice for survivors. Today, he implied that reverse racism is a thing that exists, I piped up and told him no white person can truly understand discrimination and lack of representation that people of colour face every day. A woman of colour in my class gave him an eloquent and passionate explanation of everything she’s faced and he finally quietened down. Lastly, at the end of class, he approached the lecturer and talked about his idea for the next assignment... he wants to discuss whether it’s okay to consume art made by an abuser. He put abuser in air quotation marks!

How do I deal with interacting with this person all day, twice a week, without losing my cool? All of this happened 12 hours ago and I’m still upset about it.

 

I am so sorry you are dealing with this! Are you comfortable speaking with the professor? I've often made it a point to establish relationships with my professors (usually helps my grades), but it has the added bonus of creating an open line of communication, especially for situations like this. Seeing as it's a journalism class, maybe it's as good a time as any to have a clear debate around these issues, but he seems like he has established viewpoints that he's looking to push, rather than an interest in hearing another side of an issue (not that there's "two sides" here....). If he is going into journalism projects with clear opinions he is more than likely searching for sources to corroborate how he feels. It's good that people speak up and put him in his place but of course it comes down to poc or women to have to speak up and make their voices heard. The burden too often falls on the oppressed/victimized groups and in this situation him throwing around opinions like this are harmful I am sure to not only you and the women that spoke up. He is probably making a lot of people uncomfortable. Ultimately, it's no one's responsibility to educate him (except really the professors...) and you shouldn't have to be burdened by this in class. I would speak to the professor, and maybe approach that women who spoke up to him too and see how she feels.

 

Public High School might be the most universally ignorant environment on earth. Three more months until I can move on to summer and finally NYU.

 

Love my friend but she's so touristy omg. And I totally don't mind tourist things if it's somewhere u really wanna go for a legit reason, but when it's like "I want to go here because it's where everyone goes because of reasons." Like just to go to say you did? Idk maybe I'm just a pretentious jerk lmao. When it's like a meaningless checklist of things to cross off to brag about idk not my jam.

 

When I was out of town I bought a setting powder with a brush at Marshall's. Got home to find that it was missing the powder so is completely useless to me. I don't have a Marshall's near me so I tried returning it to TJMaxx since they are owned by the same company. Nope. Have to bring it to a Marshall's. So I basically just completely wasted my money on a useless product and have no way of getting my money back. I really wish they would do a better job of checking their products bc my TJMaxx always has stuff missing from the boxes or that is broken. I even opened the box to see if it was in there for that reason and it looked like everything was there but I was wrong. I just hate wasting my damn money since I don't make that much.

 

Lots of unexpected bills have my head spinning >_>

I had some unexpected medical bills in the last month or two that will likely run me over $2k. Not looking forward to finally seeing those bills go through insurance.

In addition to that, my car's having all sorts of issues (although it seems to drive as well as it always has...). I need all 4 brake pads + rotors replaced, my traction control light randomly came on Sunday but shut itself off once I stopped and restarted my engine, and now today my check engine light came on. Apparently I have misfires on cylinders 1, 3 and 5 after an OBDII scan at AutoZone. Over the last two years I probably dumped 2-3 grand in repairs and maintenance into a 23 year old car and am wondering if it's even worth it at this point.

Luckily I got a good bonus from work this month and my tax return is in, but looks like I'm going to burn through all of that pretty fast.

 

People who check out of hotels a few minutes late give me such anxiety omg like WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!?!

 

I used to be dumb and wear my contacts for months at a time without ever taking them out which resulted in getting an ulcer in my eye and tl;dr I legit squint the ulcer eye more than the other now when I squint from the sun or smile in photos and I hate it so much!! The scar on my eye is super faded but it must be more sensitive still cause I like noticeably squint it more but can't actually feel myself squint it more so I am forever looking weird af! Thom Yorke who????

 

Omg really??? You got an ulcer?!
I legit never take my contacts out. Also for months at a time.

 

Girl YES. I never took them out and almost everyone I know doesn't take them out. I was home from college for winter break and woke up and my eye was in so much pain I couldn't open it and I started crying lmao and it was super snowy and the light reflecting off the snow made it worse. My stepmom had to guide me to the car to go to the Dr cause I couldn't see. Felt like someone stabbed me in the eye with a knife. My eye dr said it's one of the most painful things that can happen to your eye. If the ulcer had been a millimeter or so lower it would've been over my pupil or whatever instead of the white part and would've impaired my vision forever. I used to have a scar that looked like a lil freckle on my eye but it's faded now and u can only see it when I go to the dr and he takes his fancy pictures of it.

Now i take my contacts out every night and get on my soapbox to others to take them out!!!

 

people don't understand how yield signs work and it pisses me off. IT'S NOT A FUCKING SUGGESTION

 

Omg! Is it bad that I felt better knowing you know so many people who are the same way? Lmao. I feel like most people just shame me
And like I fully KNOW it’s bad and dangerous and every time I get pink eye (surprise! I get it every few years which is kinda frequent as an adult haha) I’m like I’m always gonna take my contacts out from now on I SWEAR and then I never ever do it bc im pure trash