The Parenting Thread • Page 187

i really hope they don’t fade. i have blue eyes, so we’ll see.

 

Congrats!

Almost 4 months in and I still sometimes have that same reaction when I pick up Elliot after holding Lily for a while.

 

elliott is my son’s name!

 

I got selected for a blog post for Father's Day for my work

 

That’s pretty cool!

 

Congratulations!!

 

I am not gay so I don't have much insight there, and I'm still married ot the mother of my kids so don't have personal experience there either...but my gut feeling would be I'd probably wait until the 1 year mark before I introduced someone new to my kids, BUT that's completely arbitrary on my part and if you're with someone for 8 months, it feels like it's more than a "fleeting romance" at that point IMO. I have divorced friends that introduced new partners way sooner than 8 months into said relationship, so.

I do think there should be a space for all 4 of you to sit down and talk it out and say something like how you're not accusing them of anything, but try to imagine you were a man instead, would they still be saying ah it's just a fleeting romance, etc. And maybe say I get this is a new thing for you but she is with me nad has been for 8 months now so is it really "Fleeting" and etc.

 

Probably on Reddit

 

I personally would listen but yeah I agree with you that for a lot of people, especially men, it could just bring the convo to a screeching halt. Maybe don't lead with that and see where the convo goes?

 

It's interesting because there may be a precedence that can be pointed at too. Did the second father meet the first child and if so, how far into the relationship?

I do think sitting down with them, if not to get to the bottom of this then at least to get to know each other better and build that familiarity, could be good. I understand your perspective of it being based on internalized homophobia though and I do have a limited scope of understanding as well. It's tough because it could just be general hesitance but it could also be beyond that and be something shittier.

In my own experience 8 months is plenty of time (my current wife met my kids that I had with my ex upon 6 months or so, and in past relationships I met that person's kid even sooner) but I do get that it can be different for others

 

Cisgendered straight dude here so take any advice henceforth with a grain of salt - but I'm assuming you and your girlfriend are in it for the long haul if you're interested in fostering a connection with her children? How old are the kids? What are the current custody arrangements between your girlfriend and her ex-partners?

Without knowledge of those variables - you need to be diplomatic with her in bringing this up, but you also need to get her on board with her before proceeding to the fathers. If you don't see this happening with just the two of you, I'd recommend a third party to mediate the conversation between you...my partner and I have been through couples' counseling in the past and it's helped us immensely when we had our struggles.

If you can get her onboard, I'd recommend then facilitating a sitdown at a neutral site with both of the dads without the kids present. Explain to them that you guys are serious and not just some fleeting thing.

Wish you the best of luck with this.

 

Maybe better suited for the mental health thread, but did anyone start struggling with their own parents' mortality once your child was born? Both of my parents had freak accident close calls last year and ever since the birth of my son, I have been thankful for how involved they are in his life but can't stop thinking about how my grandfather died when I was two and if something happened to them tomorrow, my son wouldn't remember how much they loved him. And that terrifies me.

 

Definitely feel this with my mom. That said, my dad died when I was 12, so my biggest source of parent-related mortal anxiety is worrying about leaving him too soon in similar fashion. I wonder what kind of grandfather my dad would have been, what lessons I’d have taken from him growing up and how much better I’d have gotten to understand him once I had my own son.

Also constantly feel like a piece of shit when I see how much my mom and sister adore my son, and consider how little effort I put into maintaining meaningful relationships with my dad’s mom and sister after he passed. They’re both gone now, but I was a spitting image of my dad growing up and while I know I can’t blame the teenage version of myself, if I think too long about what it would’ve meant to them for me to keep them close I can fall apart lol

 

ayyyy

 

Yeaaahhhh budddddddy

 

Rollercoaster face reveal? The little dude turned 8 last week and we took a father/son trip to Sea World over the weekend.

 

Any parents of slightly older kids in here currently suffering “Italian Brain Rot”?

I feel so old and out of touch. And confused.

 

Sigh yes

I don’t get it AT ALL

 

Luckily I've only just reached the "Bro" stage of kid-dom slang. One of his friends says bro at school so now he says bro all the time lol

 

The sheer volumes of “Br Br Patapim”, “Ballerina Cappucina”, “Chimpanzini Bananini” echoing through the walls of my house right now is…please end me.

 

Yeah, my son constantly says variations of bro/bra/bruh with that last one occasionally getting an elongated “brrrrrruuuuh.”

 

You need to start doing it too so it becomes uncool.

 

Honestly brilliant

 

These young kids think they’ve got it all figured out till you drop a “skibidi rizz toilet bruhhhh” on them.