The Parenting Thread • Page 183

even this little, trying to form a routine is helpful. the biggest thing for us has been taking shifts. my wife is the one to put him to bed each night, and then i get up with him. however, he’s now *usually* down to waking up only once per night, so for you guys that may look like trading on and off if you don’t already.

 

this post is concerning

yeah, I think I'll just be going to bed earlier and essentially doing the first "shift." he typically only wakes up once or twice a night, so I'm not too worried about that part. I just which each time didn't take about an hour. I'm gonna be pretty desperately tired at/after work if I don't get at least 6 hours.

 

i won’t lie, it’s tough. when i do get a chance to just hang out while my wife watches elliott i pretty much just want to sleep. and vice versa. there are a few little things that can help the night feeds run slightly faster… having bottles ready to go in the fridge, keeping him swaddled while feeding, keeping white noise turned on, keeping the lights off, etc. i’m definitely drinking way more caffeine than i did before he was born. i wish i could be more reassuring but we’re on month three with elli and while it’s absolutely gotten easier it hasn’t gotten easy.

 

I just remember struggling at times to stay awake/dozing off temporarily. Lots of coffee and caffeine helped for sure but really it’s not as bad after a few days. You start to get into a good rhythm and routine that work for you.

 

I was supposed to have my kids last weekend, but I got my gallbladder removed and recovery was rough so they stayed with their mom. Now they're out of town on spring break with their mom and I'm missing them like crazy. Any other divorced dads in here trying their best?

 

First day back at work is going well, knock on wood! Got my emotions out last night. I had to go to bed a lot earlier than I'm used to, but I actually got a solid six and a half hours split into two halves. Wife and I are just splitting the night into a first shift and second shift. People at work are being welcoming/patient (I had 858 emails lol) and my wife popped by to introduce the baby since I forgot my meds at home. Gonna try to avoid napping so I can hopefully get into a routine of sorts.

 

Work fucking sucks, I wish I could just be a stay at home dad

 

I said "gonna try to avoid napping" as if I'd have any time to do so in the five hours between getting home and going to bed while making dinner and taking care of him. lmao

 

Agreed.

 

I WFH and it's nice because I can pop into the living room and play for 5 minutes/give her a hug. But then she can also wander into my room during a meeting lol.

Still more pros than cons

 

I delayed my second month of leave until my wife went back to work and the boy was 6mo old, ended up picking up a couple WFH projects while watching him thinking it could serve as a test run for a more long term situation, and it was so impossible lol. Seemed like an editing prodigy the way he’d sit on my lap and slam the perfect keyboard shortcuts to delete my entire timeline

 

Lmao. I wish we could have staggered our leave, but it wasn't possible with our employers.

 

Our second (and last!) is coming next month and our plan is to take one month of us both together, then I go back to work for month two while my wife is home, then when her leave is up, I'll take more leave which in theory.... should get us to December / the holidays where we get time off anyway, then she has a spot at our son's daycare in January. It SOUNDS like it should work, but I know there are so many variables

 

Just wanted to say it’s good you’re trying. My sons dad moved to the other end of the country and thinks sending child support checks and a few weeks out of the year spending time with him is good enough.

 

Going in on the 13th for our second. Wife gets 5 paid days (lol) and I get 3 weeks. Baby is gonna line up with both of us already having a week off for spring break. I'm gonna take 2 weeks, then go back. My wife will take her 5 days, use all of her sick/pto, then go on FMLA until her pay runs out for the year. Should miss like a month of paychecks on her end. I'm gonna take my 3rd week in May because my son needs his tonsils out, and then I'm gonna work until June when the school year is up. It's fuckin stupid.

 

Moms getting 5 paid days is insane to me. I guess the laws and PTO in Cali is a lot different

 

Yeah my wife got 10 months and it still felt like she was going back to work too soon.

 

we both get 4 months

 

I think I got a month which went by so fast.

 

5 days is cuckoo bananas bullshit. My wife didn't qualify for FMLA, so all of her time was unpaid. We went two months without her paycheck. Shit's broken!

 

Ugh. That sucks. I fought hard for 50% custody. I can't imagine any less.

 

I got to use my PTO for my time off. I think I took a week off for each child. The joys of working for small companies.

Fortunately both my wife and I work from home so we get a lot of time with them.

 

The system is absolutely broken, my wife didn't get any paid time off the first time around because she worked for the state, but now she works at a private institution and what do ya know, actual time off.... pretty wild

 

We get 12 weeks as state employees here. WE're both teachers so between summer break and staggering our leaves, we're gonna basically get a full year before having to pay childcare. That was what was going to happen with baby nubmer 1, but covid happened midway through my leave so we ended up getting longer at home with him lol. #2 was born in December which threw off the timing a bit...my wife's leave ended a couple weeks ago, now we're piecemealing it together right now between friends and family members, and then after Spring BReak my mom is going to take a leave from her job to take care of him until the summer time, we're gonna pay her what she makes as a lunch lady basically to do it. Then I'll take my leave in the fall and that'll get us to Christmas break

 

We are very lucky that my parents are doing three days and my wife's parents are each taking a day. We know who he's with, less chance of him getting sick, we don't have to get him ready for daycare, and we save money even while compensating her mom.