The Parenting Thread • Page 157

Lol got promoted and the NFL thread chose a new level for me

 

Happy Father’s Day

 

hfd

 

Dude, I feel this so hard.

I'm in a little bit of a different boat as I am the youngest of three - but all of us have kids - and my parents still do this, haha. It doesn't help that my parents basically raised my oldest sister's son who is now 15 (his father is not involved much/shitty dude) so my oldest sister is fully on board with doing whatever my parents want to do on holidays (and actually really leans into it) but it irks the shit out of me and my other sister. Like - we have our own families now, let us do our own thing and eventually we'll make our way to you. And...uh, when we grew up, I don't ever remember spending these days with my parents' parents.

In addition, we all live within 10 minutes of each other and already see each other all the time and then on holidays they still very much like to be the center of attention.

Make no mistake, they're great parents and super great grand-parents, but their level of attachment/attention-needing is sometimes overwhelming. I mean, I'm 38 and my sisters are 41 and 44 and my parents are still hellbent on taking family vacations every year and do not like taking no as an answer. Like, again, it's great that they're involved and care I probably shouldn't take their love for granted, because some day it will be gone, but sometimes it's just annoyingly way too much.

 

…are you my brother? Lol

 

It’s bananas the exact same though. Like yesterday, the plan was:

we drop Milo off at 11 so beads and I could get brunch

We’d come back at 12:30 and stay until 3:30 so we could get home and beads could cook dinner (she got me a nice steak as a surprise)

That was always the plan but as soon as I get there it’s “aww you’re not staying for dinner?” Or my bother showing up 40 mins late and don’t the “oh good to see you I guess!” Guilt trip

 

I’m sure all that is annoying but I really wish I lived closer to my parents and brothers.

 

Yeah, I don't like complaining about it, because at the end of the day I'm lucky to still be close to my parents and have a loving relationship with them and I realize some people would kill for that, or never had that in their life.

 

Pros and cons to everything. Of course I’m happy to be “close” to them (I’m about 1.5 hours away) but it’s also EXHAUSTING having them constantly just wanting more more more out of me and my wife without really giving up anything in return. Like hell, they can’t even be bothered to drive to us, even though doing so doesn’t require schlepping an entire nursery lol

 

Yeah 1.5 hours is far enough away to be inconvenient.

 

Like, it's all fine. I don't mind the drive. It's more just wishing enough could simply be enough vs. like driving 1.5 hours each way and immediately getting hit with "when are we seeing you next. why aren't you staying longer. wanna go away for a weekend? lets do this night away here. oh and this should be a new tradition. Oh and what about next father's day? oh and there's an eclipse coming in 2028 we should plan for that."

I find it personally very tiring lol

 

Being a parent who shares custody it can get so awful dealing with family wanting me to nonstop bring the children over when I have limited time as is.

 

Those with parents who will just watch your kids for a few hours or the holy of grail of watching them overnight are so fortunate and should not be taken for granted. I would put up with all the nagging for that.

 

I see it both ways. So I’m currently living with my parents after a very recent separation and the kids do not care about me when they’re there. They just want their grandparents. But also yes very nice to have so much help

 

Spent some time after dinner blowing bubbles with my four year old. 10/10 definitely recommend

 

I am envious of those trees

 

Copying from The Mental Health thread because this seems like the most appropriate place to spew my thoughts as I feel certifiably insane this morning lol:

Well, my wife is pregnant, and I'm losing my mind lmao. I feel bad that my reaction wasn't, like, cutesy Facebook video reaction. It was more like...I'm standing on the stairs and I need to sit down because I think I might pass out. On one hand, this is what we want, I am happy and excited, but I am also out of my mind scared about the whole thing. I did NOT expect it to happen this soon - we took one half-hearted "if it happens, it happens" whack at it and here we are. (It's also only been a month, so we're not telling anyone, but I feel comfortable sharing in this thread.) She's more concerned about the pregnancy and complications/keeping the baby healthy, which is real, but I'm just coming to terms with everything in my life potentially changing forever. I feel like I have to take everything out of my head and write it down and start eliminating things and reprioritizing. I was going to go back to school in the Fall, which my wife and brother are telling me to still pursue, but I legitimately think it's a bad idea and borderline impossible with how aggressive of a program it is.

Idk. My brain is in a million different places, oscillating between being excited and mortified. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or if what I'm feeling (about a 50:50 excitement to frightened ratio) is normal. She feels the same way. There's also just so much to do. I need to get a car and get back on the road, which is terrifying to me in its own right, and her current job is not conducive to starting a family. I don't know how I'm supposed to work today. I feel like I need to spend every minute with her talking about this and making sure she (but in reality, more so myself) is okay.

 

A lot of this sounds very familiar to my own experience, and I think that balance of excitement and frightened is totally normal (and will probably oscillate wildly over the next 9 months).

 

My very first words after finding out was a look around our apartment and noticing “there are sharp corners everywhere!”

Fear is normal. And it’s valid. It’s scary! But it’s pretty awesome too.

 

I will say too, and this was my big thing, was realizing a pregnancy is 10 months not 10 minutes lol. Not everything has to be figured out right away.

 

I think that is perfectly normal for sure.

One thing that helped me was sitting down and making an excel with all anticipated expenses and seeing that we could actually afford it. I was freaking out of the money aspect the most, as I hadn’t quite yet gotten to my goal job, expecting it a couple months after he was born. Seeing we could make it work on my original paychecks took a massive weight off of my shoulders and I could just enjoy the ride from there.

 

Also congrats!

 

Thanks everyone. My nerves are wired from the past 15 hours or so and I feel bad taking my anxiety meds because I'm supposed to be excited (I am), but I think reading too much online this morning was a mistake. This thread seems to be a much safer place to get advice and find reassurance. I appreciate you!

 

First off, congratulations!

Secondly, everything you and your wife are feeling right now is 100% normal. There is no right or wrong way to react to pregnancy news and you should never feel bad or crazy for feeling the way you feel about such life-changing news. Everyone is human and has the right to express their feelings in which ever way they want to express them.

Always remember this - there are people on a daily basis that are hit with this news in far-worse situations than yourselves and get through it just fine.

Advice: Keep open lines of communication between you and your wife on how you're feeling. Again, totally normal to feel nervous, scared, apprehensive. Your wife may feel the same exact way - or not, but it's important you guys continue to check-in on each others' feelings to make the process is moving along in a positive direction.

Lastly - if your wife/family are still on board with you going to school in the Fall - then do it. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got when we were expecting our first was from my dad who told me "just because you guys are having a kid, doesn't mean YOUR life stops. Still continue to live your life, do things you enjoy, stay in touch with friends and pursue your goals"

Everything will be fine!

 

I appreciate all of this very, very, very much thank you.