The National - I Am Easy To Find (May 17, 2019) Album • Page 45

zmtr · May 21, 2019

I put this album on as soon as I wake up and it's mostly been the last thing I hear at night. I'm behind on all my regular podcasts because I just can't not be listening to this album

Aregala · May 21, 2019

zmtr said:

I put this album on as soon as I wake up and it's mostly been the last thing I hear at night. I'm behind on all my regular podcasts because I just can't not be listening to this album

this has been me since it dropped

I really didn't expect this to consume me as much as it has but I really haven't been able to listen to anything else

imthegrimace · May 21, 2019

I know I can get attached and unattached to my own versions of others

Mary V · May 21, 2019

Nyquist said:

I cannot stop listening to this. Light Years in particular breaks my heart every time.

I’m going to get a little long and personal here, but this is what that song always makes think of as the album comes to a close. When I was ten years old I went to a very conservative Baptist church with my family and it was at that age that I became best friends with the girl who would later become my wife. It was me, her, and another friend of ours that ran together in our little group. I’d known her since we were four years old, but once the three of us became close friends it was a game changer. I fell hard for her but kept it to myself, always wondering if she felt the same way. When I was twelve I discovered, after she attended a friend’s sleepover and had told her girlfriends, that she liked me too. I was just a kid, but I never felt more alive. I never acted on it because I was so young, but just the feeling of being around her and knowing the truth was enough.

So very suddenly my parents announced to my sisters and I they were getting a divorce. It was incredibly traumatic because none of us saw it coming. They literally pulled the rug out from under us and it was devastating. They told us we’d be leaving the church because the church elders had reached out to certain members and asked them to shun us until my parents repented. We were no longer welcome. My last Sunday there we sat in our usual spot in the pews next to a family who had always been very close friends, so close that I referred to the parents as aunt and uncle. As soon as we sat down, they got up and moved away from us. I was broken-hearted. I’d been attending this church my entire life and it was a second home. We were the family that went every Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, and Saturday night for my parents’ choir practice where I’d spend the time running around the church with my two best friends. Now I felt displaced and it cut deep. We started getting angry phone calls, voice messages, and letters in the mail from church members. One of my mom’s best friends at the church happened to live down the street from us and one day she walked down to our house, knocked on the front door, handed my mother a letter informing her she could no longer be friends with her, and then disappeared out of our lives. I watched my mom cry as she walked up to her bedroom. Nothing made sense. I told my friends we were leaving and we weren’t coming back and they were confused. When it was time to go my parents quickly rushed us into the car with no time to say any final goodbyes. I will forever remember turning around in the backseat and watching out the window as my friends ran out the front door looking for me until they saw the car pulling away. They stood there waving goodbye and I watched until they disappeared out of sight.

All of that is what I think of when I hear the first verse:

You were waiting outside for me
in the sun
Laying down to soak it all in
before we had to run
I was always ten feet behind you
from the start
Didn't know you were gone
'til we were in the car

After that I went through a very dark, lonely period of life. I was halfway through my first year of junior high at the time and none of my friends from elementary school had carried over. I was always very quiet and shy so my parents’ divorce only amplified it. I was alone at school and had, up to this point, relied solely on my friends at church for socializing. I started getting bullied very badly and I held it all inside because that’s how I chose to deal with it all. I’d spend weekends at my dad’s house listening to him cry because he didn’t want the divorce (it was pretty one sided for a very long time) and we moved from church to church looking for a place to stay. Eventually we found one but nothing ever felt the same. It’s that childhood magic that only lasts for a little while and then suddenly it’s just gone. I became suicidal, I developed frequent panic attacks that hospitalized me, and the teen years were wildly emotional. I spiraled pretty badly. At one point I was at a store with my mother when I saw my wife and her family from a distance. I wanted to run over there and say hello, but I was too scared. So instead I hid and watched until they were out of sight. Then one day out of the blue my wife’s family decided to leave the church I used to attend (they had their own problems with the elders) and come to ours. I was excited to see her, but I had changed a great deal and my emotions took over. I’d been through hell and I think the self preservation born out of the fear of losing her again is what kicked in. So instead of greeting her with open arms I pushed her away for a long time. All of that is what I think of when I hear the second verse.

I thought I saw your mother last weekend
in the park
It could've been anybody,
it was after dark
Everyone was lighting up in the shadows
alone
You could've been right there next to me,
and I'd have never known

I finally snapped out of it and sent her a letter, apologizing and telling her her friendship was deeply important to me. I had developed an inherent mistrust of people and had unfortunately taken it out on her, but she forgave me and told me that of course we were still friends and that she missed me. When we were in college we started dating, eventually got engaged, got married, and now we have two beautiful children.

But I am still in therapy. Everything still hurts. Depression, trauma, suicidal ideation, none of that just goes away. It affects everything I do. When I first heard the chorus I attributed it to my wife in our life story, but the more I thought about it the more I realized it’s not just her. It’s me. Or at least it’s the me I was all the way back then, back in the beginning when the glory of it all was lost on me. It’s why I cried watching the short film while thinking about that kid deep down inside me, the kid I took for granted till I realized how hard it’d be to reach him.

And I would always be
Lightyears
lightyears away from you...

Thank you for sharing and please feel free to reach out at any time, whether you’re feeling depressed, anxious, or isolated

wisdomfordebris · May 21, 2019

Dog Fish said:

It makes me sad that tates holding off on listening until fall/winter. This album is something special.

@Jason Tate I just checked the weather for you and it’s gonna be 61 and cloudy in Portland this evening. Pretty good I Am Easy To Find Weather IMHO

imthegrimace · May 21, 2019

I like this album for summer nights.

mad · May 21, 2019

beautiful and heart breaking, thanks so much for sharing @Nyquist

wisdomfordebris · May 21, 2019

zmtr said:

I put this album on as soon as I wake up and it's mostly been the last thing I hear at night. I'm behind on all my regular podcasts because I just can't not be listening to this album

I told myself to go grocery shopping 45 minutes ago but instead I’m sitting on my couch waiting for the record to end haha

Aregala · May 21, 2019

Bryce really went off on this album

The string arrangements whewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Maddy · May 21, 2019

I may like other bands more than this one but I am hard pressed to find one with higher repeat listening value

Aregala · May 21, 2019

"Not in Kansas" is probably the one I gravitate to most at the moment because, like Matt, I too am listening to R.E.M. again

zmtr · May 21, 2019

"Oblivions" is my favorite song today

Transient_Hymn · May 21, 2019

had no idea this was coming.
popped up on my Spotify this morning.

First listen while it rains outside...it was meant to be this way

EmmanuelSCastle · May 21, 2019

i liked this a lot on my first few listens but i do think the long run time shows in places. that being said, this feels like a sunnier album from this band and enough of a switch up that i definitely don't mind the one or two places where i feel like it might be long or whatever. a broader sonic palette and what feels like a broader perspective, lyrically, is good growth for this band

wisdomfordebris · May 21, 2019

Am I allowed to say this is the best album since music began yet

Steeeve Perry · May 21, 2019

After many many listens through my favourite track is still Light Years, with Not in Kansas close behind.

arewehavingfunyet · May 22, 2019

wisdomfordebris said:

@Jason Tate I just checked the weather for you and it’s gonna be 61 and cloudy in Portland this evening. Pretty good I Am Easy To Find Weather IMHO

Haha, He's really waiting for cold weather to listen to this? He's missing out.

Early favorite for me is "Where is her Head" - excited to watch the live version with Phobe Bridgers

Nick · May 22, 2019

Time for my first listen on a flight home from Greece.

wisdomfordebris · May 22, 2019

Nick said:

Time for my first listen on a flight home from Greece.

Here’s to hoping it’s not the disappointment you fear it is!

Dog Fish · May 22, 2019

@Jason Tate

Jason Tate · May 22, 2019

Dog Fish said:

@Jason Tate

Carrow · May 22, 2019

Quiet Light is absolutely fucking me up this week. Depressed feels.

Nothing I wouldn't do for another few minutes
Learning how not to cry every time there's another sad unbearable morning
But sometimes there's nothing I can do

Dog Fish · May 22, 2019

Jason Tate said:

I know i know...something something only in fall/winter something something the right mood something

zmtr · May 22, 2019

The ethereal/angelic background vocals during this part of "Not In Kansas":

All the gardens are sprouting with flowers
All the treetops are bursting with birds
And the people all know that it's over
They lay down their airs and they hang up their tiresome words

...give me goosebumps nearly every time and I've heard this song maybe 50 times now.

username · May 22, 2019

I
THINK
I’M
HITTIN’
A
WALL

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The National - I Am Easy To Find (May 17, 2019) Album • Page 45

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