The Joke Thread

Tell me a joke. Not a meme or tweet, just a joke.

 

Did you ever hear the one about the two holes in the ground?

well, well!

 

Two fish are in a tank, one fish turned to the other fish and asked, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

 

Have you heard about Danny Glover's new clothing line for kids? It's called I'm Getting Too Old For This Shirt.

 

I'm sure you've heard of Murphy's law, but have you heard of Cole's Law?

It's shredded cabbage.

 

Holy shit

 

what’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

it only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

 

I love this thread already

 

why shouldn’t you buy your wife a watch?

because there’s already a clock on the stove.

 

new favorite thread

 

Why did the half blind man fall into the well?


He couldn't see that well

 

What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner?


The cold shoulder

 

When does a joke become a dad joke?


When it's apparent

 

i’m just a step-dad, so all of my dad jokes are faux pas.

 

what’s super mario’s favorite clothes?

denim, denim, denim…

 

my favorite joke ^

 

Have you heard the joke about the pencil?

 

you disrespect trans-women cause they’re trans.
i disrespect trans-women cause they’re women.

 

ummm...

 

what’s a kidnapper’s favorite shoes?

white vans.

 

How does Andrew W.K. ask for a haircut?

“I’d like a party in the front and a party in the back.”

 

what did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday?


AYE MATEY

 

how does a rabbi make tea?

hebrews it.

 

Nevermind, y’all…it doesn’t have a point