The Eternal Cringe Thread • Page 19

i read the last sentence first and the rest of this did not disappoint

 

definitely not living up to that, but here's my cringe of the day

copying in @stars143 before i forget since i posted about this in general chat and you responded and thought you would find this humorous.

preface: had an interview at 2 pm today in a building where suddenly my entire department (9 people, including both of my managers) was also going to be at the same time. no one knew about the interview as it was more so for me to figure out if i would somehow like the new job more than my current job, which seemed highly unlikely, so i didn't want to freak people out unnecessarily, and now here we would all be, in the same building at the same time.

so, at 1:25 i decided to email everyone except my managers saying, "FYI, i won't be at the meeting because i'm in an interview at the same time in the same building. didn't tell you because very low chance i would like the job / accept if offered."

panic ensued ("OMG you can't leave!!!!" "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?", etc.)

go to the building, get in the conference room and yes! it's a room with only a glass door! not all glass walls like most of the conference rooms! alright!

during the middle portion of the interview one of the interviewers notes that my department, including managers, are RIGHT NEXT DOOR IN THE NEXT ROOM. fuck, i can HEAR THEM LAUGHING. so now i'm worried that i'm talking too loud and they know i'm in here.

well, no need to worry about that because while waiting for the next person to come in for the final portion of the interview one of my managers accidentally (maybe, who knows, she seemed shocked) walks into MY conference room instead of the one next door. so here i am, sitting alone in a conference room, horrified.

"what are you doing here?"
"uhm, huh, um, well."

in walks the fourth interviewer bellowing, "well! here we are! the final stretch of the interview! sorry i'm late!"

*lifelong awkward eye contact seared into my memory*

manager walks out

end result: i did talk with both of my managers and HR after the interview and explained why i did what i did and i don't think there are any hard feelings or issues. and i'll be pulling my name from consideration tomorrow as the other job has a lot of negatives and not nearly enough positives to leave my current position but MAN. it's like a fucking 75,000 square foot building with 25 conference rooms and these meetings JUST HAD to be next to each other, huh? and the meeting my department was in is ALWAYS in our building. literally the 2nd time in 13 months that it's been at this location (we meet weekly).

 

I have so many more. I’m pretty sure I was put on this earth solely to make other people feel better about themselves.

 

Welcome to the thread tbh, you’re among friends

 

YIKES lol

 

Lmao I mean to be fair I feel like a lot of people would jump to that conclusion/joke based off what he said, unless I'm just a weirdo haha

 

Thought of this one last night. Lol sigh. Here we go.

In 2009 I was in college under the film program and our big project at the end of the year was an individual, short student film that we’d all spent the previous semester writing and preparing for.

Around that time I had been reading a lot about human trafficking and I was horrified by it. Feeling compelled to address the topic, I wrote a script that, in retrospect, I would probably categorize now as “trash water”. I guess we can’t all write Citizen Kane in our early 20s. We were provided cameras from our low budget department that only shot 30p and were surreptitiously sent into the wind to make some magic.

Boy did I.

Jumping ahead a little here, I must make mention of the fact that part of the assignment was learning how to market your project, submit to film festivals, and create an imdb page. So I made a hokey little trailer that, at the time, I thought was pretty darn swell and posted it to YouTube. Now back then copyright issues weren’t as heavily enforced and so people were able to get away with more. This was also a few years after Google stepped in and bought YouTube and also before they started changing account accessibility. I’m mentioning this because I had recently seen the trailer for 28 Weeks Later and, being the original dope that I am, liked their use of “Shrinking Universe” by Muse just enough to then take that same exact song and use it in my trailer for my terrible student film. Now again, copyright infringement wasn’t as heavily monitored in those days and thus it slipped right on by completely unnoticed. Score one for me, right?

Wrong wrong wrong, young Tim. Jump ahead a few more years and now YouTube is cracking down hard. My video, unbeknownst to me because I had long since forgotten about it, was flagged for copyright infringement and the audio was removed. I cannot for the life of me remember when exactly I realized this had happened, but I do know that it happened only after I also realized I could no longer gain access to the account I had uploaded this video under. I say this because I tried every username and password combination I could think of to log in, but to absolutely no avail. I wanted to log in because, well, that video is embarrassing and when you google my name golly gee guess what comes up? The problem was that by then Google had made it possible to connect your gmail account to YouTube, which I had previously taken advantage of, and now the only account it would allow me to log in to was my account connected to gmail. If I tried to have them send me my login info, it assumed I was trying to use my gmail account so it would just send me that information instead. To this day I still cannot access that god forsaken account. I have flagged the video, reported it and sent messages to the help center in an attempt to get it pulled, but I am convinced I will go to my grave with that embarrassing, silent student film trailer associated with my name forever and ever amen.

But I digress. Back to the actual cringe story, I was sent out to begin filming and suddenly needed a new location for a couple key scenes. This being a human trafficking story, I reached out to a couple people who might be able to help me get an empty warehouse. As luck would have it, one of my old friends came through because he worked in landscaping/heating and cooling and was friends with someone acting as landlord for a few commercial warehouse locations. One of these locations just so happened to be temporarily vacant. Perfect. Exactly what I need. I’ll use this location for scenes where the traffickers keep their victims, I told myself.

Only hangup here was that the landlord, Gary was his name, wanted to be made aware of the content of the script because he didn’t want anything negative associated with his properties. Fearing this might mean I’d potentially lose this perfect, free location I was in dire need of, I decided to tell a little white lie. Just a small story, I told my friend, about a business developer utilizing this property to turn a profit as part of his...business. Yes, that sounds good. Wouldn’t you know it, that sounds just dandy to them too.

So I spend a very long night on location with a full cast of local actors and props that consisted of (and I still can’t believe I did this because if the police had shown up dear god in heaven) real firearms I got from my father in-law, gun shells, body armor, melted spoons and needles to replicate heroin, air mattresses, fake blood, broken glass, cars peeling in and out of the garage entrance and on and on. It got so late that we realized we were going to need to do a pickup day the following night. So we leave a large majority of props there save for the guns so there will be a shorter setup time the following day. I wipe my hands and walk away with my head held high after a successful day.

Well.

So it’s like maybe 8:00 in the morning when I get a call. I’m still in bed after a very long night and I reach for my phone to see a number I don’t recognize. I answer out of curiosity.

“Hello?” I ask.
“Is this Tim?”
“Yes this is Tim, who is this?”
“Tim this is Gary, what the fuck is going on here? Fucking blood everywhere...”

So at this point I’m pretty sure I just didn’t have a stomach. Like I think my stomach just dropped out of my body and rolled across the floor and out into the hallway and out the front door and hopped into a cab with a suitcase never to be seen again like byyyyyyyyeeeee.

Turns out Gary just so happened to be showing the property to a potential buyer that morning.

And that’s how Gary the landlord wound up walking his client into a trail of broken glass and fake blood where my actress had performed her escape scene, a neighboring room where an inflated air mattress sat covered in dirty blankets, condom wrappers and fake heroin needles, and the garage floor covered in bullet casings. Needless to say Gary lost his sale and I lost my location.

 

Holy f u c k

 

Sigh.

Yeah.

My life is an Arrested Development episode.

 

Link please

 

You can’t drop that and then not link the video

 

Well shit this has a mostly happy ending for me after all. This is going to seem incredibly convenient considering I just told this story, but I went looking for the trailer this morning after seeing your comment and oh my god they finally blocked it completely:

Dreams really do come true.

I do unfortunately still have an imdb page for it no matter how many times I try to get rid of it. Imdb is a serious pain in the ass. You literally have no control over your own content as it’s all up to administrators. You submit all info to them and they handle it on their end.

Why They Slept (2009) - IMDb

 

congrats on all the miscellaneous

 

Noooooo lol. Glad it worked out for you though!

 

I just remembered the time a kid was having a full on violent meltdown and he pulled on my shirt and pulled the neckline down and one kid pointed and was like "Haha I saw your boobs!" Even tho I had a bra on and oh yeah I was also being observed by some adult too I dont remember who it was, so they saw my bra also which I guess isnt a huge deal but then I had to call the kids parent and be like "...so hey if ur kid says they saw my boobs..."

Luckily she was cool and we just kinda laughed about it and my bra was cute and lilac colored but still not the best moment ever

 

Slow day at work and I think this became my favorite thread on Chorus

 

In middle school I played in an orchestra that ended up being pretty good. By our third year together were were competing for a NY State orchestral competition. I had started out as one of the worst violin players in the entire class, but I had a fantastic instructor and ended up being one of the top 5 players. That will be relevant in a moment.

So during this time we were preparing for our big state competition - but we still did our bi-annual concerts. Basically a shill for parents to come make sure we are doing something in class. They put on a good production but the main focus was really the state competition that was a week or two away.

So during my glorious rise to the top of the orchestral ranks, I obviously had my seat moved so that I would be in the front. I wasn't playing a solo, but it was important in regards to the structure of how you walk out onto the stage. At this point, 13 year old me is totally over this. I've accomplished getting into the front row, I just want to win the competition, listen to Yellowcard, drink Snapple and eat Doritos.

Turns out I was so focused on being a total d-bag that I forgot how to walk. Yup, you guessed it. In front of parents, friends, family and faculty as we walked out on stage - in complete silence in a single file line - I, John, myself, tripped over a wire and fell flat on my face, completely disfiguring my bow and damaging my violin. It was like something out of a terrible lifetime movie where the kid has a sequence of really unfortunate events happen to him at the worst time.

They played the first song without me while I ran back to the equipment room to get a bow and repair my strings. I laugh about it today, but man...that was terrible.

 

hahahahahahahhahahaha. Jesus Christ that warehouse story

 

As a musician, I feel that pain hard of eating it in front of a crowd.

 

When I was 15 and nearing 16, my dad decided it was time to give me a little practice behind the wheel before I got my driver’s license. Keep in mind I’d literally never spent one second driving a real car in my entire life.

So we go out to the garage and I get in the car with my dad in the passenger seat. I open the garage door and my dad tells me to put the car in reverse. I’m so nervous that I accidentally put it in drive. My dad tells me to back out and my foot slips, so I accidentally hit the gas HARD and the car goes flying straight forward into the garage wall, where it smashes into a large set of shelves with cardboard boxes full of various storage items, which coming crashing down on top of the car.

My dad just sits silently for a minute with this thousand-yard stare, and then sighs and says “ooooohhhkaaayyyyy” and then goes inside to call the repair shop. Luckily the damage wasn’t actually that bad so it was only like $200 bucks to fix it, although that sum seemed astronomical to 15-year old me and left me basically broke.

Ahh the teenage years.

 

that reminds me of my one horror driving story. nothing major but majorly sucked for 16 year old me.

i had my license for maybe 3 weeks and my parents went on vacation leaving me with the car. of course the usual tirade before they left: be safe / careful / don't drive at night unless you really have to / don't stay out late / go slow blah blah blah.

so, 30 minutes after they leave i want to go to Target and get some new CD's (this is 2004, remember). while walking to the car, i note that there is a car directly across the street behind our drive way. so you know, i gotta remember that that car is there. *hint hint*
now, my mom's car had an awesome 12-disc CD changer, so after plugging in all my jams for a fucking 10 minute drive i completely forget about the car parked in the street across from our driveway. i reverse out (idk, 5 mph?) and smack right into the back drivers side door. now, fucking idiot me feels the hit, but i think this is the curb or some shit, so i press on the gas. realizing i'm not moving i look back and freak out. fuck! a car! and freaking out means i slam on the gas AGAIN. fuck! still in reverse! goddamn it.

i finally get the car in drive and pull forward a little and kind of look behind me and in the side mirror trying to see if any damage is done. i can't see any, and no one is around, so i do what any honorable citizen would be - i fucking bolt it to Target blasting Slipknot or whatever shit i was listening to back then.

i get to Target and don't see any damage on my mom's car, so i think i'm good. i buy some CD's and putz around, hoping the car is gone when i get back (never saw it before so it wasn't a neighbors car or anything). so i come home and drive past - fuck! - the car is still there. but i'm a smart kid, i know, i'll park BEHIND the car so if there is damage and they notice it they won't think it's my car if it's not in the drive way, right??? so i park, behind the car, chuckle to myself how smart my 16-year-old asshole self is, grab my bag from Target and step out of my car to find a police car behind my car.

WTF.

turns out that some fucking neighbor from a block and a half away heard me hit the car and then saw me pull forward slowly and then leave (did this fucker have a goddamn telescope with him or what). so the cop, this 7' 5" monster starts asking me questions while eyeing my dyed spiky hair and A7X shirt and black fingernails (yeah, i was one of those 00's looking kids) and i just panic and blubber and stumble over every word and swear i didn't know i hit the car - somehow already knowing what hit and runs were and that they came with a minimum of 30 year high security prison sentences. and then of course i can't find my license or the registration because i don't even know what the fuck the car registration is or looks like and now i'm whimpering and hyperventilating and now i gotta call my parents and ask them where it is literally 60 minutes after they left for vacation and said to be careful.

good news was that i didn't get a ticket or any points on my license, somehow.

 

Yep. I love this thread. We are not alone.

 

Before I had a permit or license and had never driven in my life, my mom asked me to back her car out of the driveway for some reason. I kept insisting I did not want to. She was not in the car with me to instruct. She let my very young sister be in the back seat without a seat belt, I guess assuming I could handle it even tho I HAD NEVER DRIVEN IN MY LIFE. She was trying to make a point that driving isnt scary cause I have driving anxiety. Well, me being awesome and never having driven, I hit the gas and reverse straight into the neighbor across the streets lawn and luckily they had a baby tree to stop the car before I could reverse into their house. Everyone came out and it was embarrassing like haha kiana doesnt know which pedal does which and I was so mad she even had me do it that I just stormed off into the house oop. My mom likes to tell the story to make fun of me and whine about how we destroy her cars, and I always get mad because its a poor parenting reflection on her part but she acts like somehow it was my bad like naw sis u made a series of bad decisions letting me do that lol I didnt even want to!!

They had to cut down that baby tree too