The Eternal Cringe Thread • Page 17

I was just talking to someone who asked "Did you work with so and so?" And I thought we were talking about the same so and so, so I said yes. But the more they spoke the clearer it became we were not talking about the same person but it felt too late to say something so I just nodded along and pretended to know this person smh. I swear to god if they talk to that person and mention me as knowing them I'm gonna die.

 

Lol got a weird one. My girlfriend and I just realized we’re out of the medicine our dog takes so we ran to the grocery store to get it. Decided to bring the dog along for the ride. Gf ran into the store while I sat in the car with the dog, so I’m sitting there and while I’m waiting I get a bloody nose out of nowhere, nothing to clean it up with. Blood just streaming out of my nose. It starts to get potentially really messy so I grab my phone to text my girlfriend to please hurry, which by this point she’d been in there for a curiously long amount of time anyway. Well while I’m texting her and trying not to get blood on myself or my phone, a car pulls up and parks next to me. I was too busy trying to text that I didn’t notice the girl get out of her car and come up to my back passenger window to pet my dog, who is sticking her head out of the window. I look over and the second she sees me her smile turns into horror and she jerks her hand back and fucking speed walks into the store without saying a word. Horrified at how badly I must have scared that poor girl, I just had to sit there and laugh it off. My girlfriend showed up like five minutes later and had napkins in her purse.

Anyway apparently the only woman in front of my girlfriend in the store took so long to check out because she was buying 30 god damn cantaloupes. Apparently she completed the purchase, realized she didn’t get them for sale price, had to return them all, and then ring them all back up again 4 at a time. And for whatever reason they had to be scanned individually.

Idk man just what even is life sometimes, ya know

 

should have yelled after her "please help this dog's holding me hostage"

 

A new brewery opened up here in town like 2 years ago. At the time I was working in the beer/wine section of a farmers market that has 1000 different beers, 1000 different wines, a wine bar with 20+ wines to drink/sample and a beer bar with 50 taps of beer. Anyways, a bunch of went and my friend Trevor got so drunk. A girl who also worked at said farm market in a different department showed up and started hitting on Trevor who was freshly out of being dumped by his fiancee and he didn't want this coworker hitting on him. So he asked for help from our mutual friend who stepped in and shouted 'HEY YOU THINK ZEPPELIN'S RAMBLE ON IS ABOUT HOBBITS' and we all walked away.

One week later, a creepy old man who's notorious for hitting on younger women despite being married was hitting on this college-aged girl. We managed to get a note to this girl that said "walk away fast when we distract him." She nodded. I told Trevor he had to distract this man from the college aged girl so Trevor just shouted 'HEY STEVE YOU THINK ZEPPELIN'S RAMBLE ON IS ABOUT HOBBITS' and then the girl fucking sprinted away as soon as Steve turned his head.

I found this so fucking funny I laughed the hardest I'd laughed maybe ever, because the line was perfect. Then my nose started bleeding profusely and I just shouted 'OH MY GOD NO' and started to run towards the bathroom. On the way there a customer asked where a particular beer was and not wanting to get in trouble for bad service or tell this person to hold up my nose is bleeding, I just tilted my head back and acted like I was scratching my nose and led this lady around the store showing her different beers. The entire time, "scratching" my nose, looking like a fucking psycho.

Only when I got to the bathroom did I realize I had blood all over my chin that she never mentioned.

 

LMAO fuck that would’ve been perfect

In addition to a hilarious story, thank you for this line that I will now totally start using to break myself and others free from awkward conversations

 

I was remembering the other day the first time I met my step-brother, on the day of my mum's wedding, and my opening line to him was "Hello, I'm your new brother-in-law!". I then realised what I said and completely fumbled the recovery. What's worse is my mum was with me and gave me a classic "Oh dear, it's alright".

10 years later and I still shrink to recall it.

 

Today my instructor was talking about the song I Dreamed There Was No War. He said "take out the page with the tabs" and then whispered to me "it's evil." I said "...what??" Because I thought he meant like tab or the papers were evil? He meant war lol. I got it a beat too late so instead of being a cool normal person who banters or converses properly I said WHUUUUT? Like I was surprised anyone dislikes the beauty of war. Worst is that this is the second communication mix up we've had that makes me sound like I could be a Republican.

 

my car wouldn't start so AAA had to send a guy to jump it, as he was saying to leave it running for awhile I was turning it off and I said sorry and he jumped it again and it worked

 

Lol i used to kill my car all the time at my old job and security would have to jump it and I almost did that once cause I didn't know!

 

Guuuys. Guys. I applied for a job somewhere and tonight I applied for a different position at the same company. I am glad I double checked because I almost uploaded an old cover letter I wrote for a different job years ago but I caught it in time to replace it. BUT then I was like omggggg what if I uploaded that old cover letter to the other position I applied to??? I checked and I DID. I SENT A COMPANY A COPY OF AN OLD COVER LETTER FOR A DIFFERENT ORGANIZATION. I also forgot to upload my transcripts. I look dumb af. I fixed it and they aren't supposed to review apps until next week I HOPE THEY ADHERE TO THAT AND DIDN'T NOTICE. BUT WHAT IF THEY DID???!!

This job is to help college students be successful and help them find jobs out of college AND THAT MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSE.

WHERE IS THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH

 

THIS IS ME RN BUT I WASN'T EVEN HIGH AS AN EXCUSE

 

Once I mistook a co-worker's girlfriend for his daughter when I ran into them on my college campus since she was applying there and taking a tour of the campus. I never directly referenced her as his daughter but I kept making various remarks that alluded to me assuming she was his daughter and completely overlooked the possibility of them being a couple. She ended up being in some of my classes and while she seemed nice/intelligent, we never clicked and I think my awkwardness upon first meeting her had something to do with that...

 

Was out at a friend’s birthday dinner earlier and some of her co-workers showed up, none of which I’d met before. Pretty much immediately hit it off with this girl, and at some point she mentions that she’s from Florida, but has a little bit of family here. We were on that topic for a minute before I’m like “so do you have any family that lives near you at all here?” And she goes “oh yeah, you know that (random street intersection) with the billboard for the husband and wife personal injury lawyers?”

Now, I haven’t seen the billboard, but I knew who she was talking about — they run local commercials, which are awful. They’re super awkward on camera and it creeps me the fuuuuck out. So, going along with it, thinking she’s gonna be like “yeah they live in that area”, I go “oh yeah, those really creepy people that smile all weird and stare deadpan into the camera! Haha!”

And she just goes “....that’s my aunt and uncle”

Feels fucking bad man. I tried to backpedal a little bit, but the toothpaste just does not go back in the tube.

 

holy shit

 

Lol aw if I was her I'd find that hilarious

 

I just remembered going on my very first real date ever with a girl in the 10th grade. We got food at the mall food court then went mini golfing.
After we finished eating I decided I would be a gentleman and throw our trash out in the garbage. Our food was one the plastic tray things you get at food courts. I took our trays, dumped everything in the trash and felt like a good guy.
I go back over to her and she’s like “... I think you just threw my phone in the garbage...” her phone was on the tray. And then for some reason she was the one that picked through the garbage to get it lol.

 

I just got my blood drawn and I passed out. And you know how I woke up? I felt myself starting TO GO TO THE BATHROOM and was like wtf where am I??? Oh I'm here with my head down because it collapsed lmao. Thank gawd for dark wash jeans and potty training alerting me before anything super noticeable happened!! It was so embarrassing and dramatic they had to like splash water on me there was a whole bunch of them. And now I have to go back in a few days cause they didn't even get all the blood they needed!!!! I'm just the dumb dramatic girl who fasts too long and passes out everywhere!!

 

My brother passed out either 2 or 3 times in a row when getting his blood drawn he hates needles. Don’t know how he didn’t pass out when getting his tattoo

 

I was all morbidly fascinated by it too. The first arm she tried it wouldn't work and I thought it was awesome seeing her move the needle around and she said my vein was rolling around like wtf lol that's awesome. But as soon as she got one to work and the blood came out I told her i felt nauseous and bam passed out haha. I think I fasted too long. Didn't realize the lab opened so early or I would've gone before work! Ive never rly had blood drawn before cause I always assume my iron would be too low so I've never donated or anything. It was all so dramatic and embarrassing! I caused a ruckus

 

this thread makes life worth living

 

Must remember to take a bathroom break right before I next give blood. I don't want any fainting related fresh pant times.

 

I didn't go before cause my doctor hadnt submitted the orders so they were gonna do a pee test just in case she wanted them so I had to go BAD cause I'd been drinking water whenever I was hungry since I couldn't eat before. I didn't go all the way tho cause I woke up so there's that lol. Otherwise everything else was working against me!

 

So I woke up with a pain in my shoulder like I slept on it wrong. I got to work and one of my buddies was like “dude this new chiropractic office nearby is giving out free chair massages in the gym!” Normally I wouldn’t really care, but considering my situation, I decided to check it out.

The masseuse starts by asking me a few questions about any daily/chronic pain and stuff, then rolls a new sheet of paper onto the part of the chair I’m supposed to lay my face on. The paper doesn’t break for whatever reason so I kinda have a tough time breathing through it, so my mouth is agape the whole time this dude is going to town on my shoulders. Mouth open and face facing down, I naturally drool a bit.

“Oh man this is embarrassing”, I think. Oh well, can’t be that abnormal, right? Well he finishes the massage and I get up and the paper sticks to my bottom lip. “Oh no this is embarrassing too!!!” I think. The guy sorta laughs it off, a few of the other masseuses see and chuckle or whatever. Trying to play it cool, I just laugh and yank it off. The guys sorta gave me a weird look and didn’t say anything, and then takes me over to the girl that’s supposed to “sell me on a membership” or whatever. I’m listening to her schpeal and suddenly I think to myself “what’s that taste?”

Wel apparently when I ripped the paper from my lip, a big ol chunk of my lip went with it and I was bleeding down my chin. “Fuck, this is the most embarrassing.” I’m way too nice to just walk away from this nice lady trying to make her sale, clearly championing through what was surely a disgusting sight, so I just sat there sucking on my lip until she was finally like “hey man, if you gotta go....”, to which I promptly cut her off with an emphatic “MHMM THANKS” and bolted out of there.

 

haha damn bruv i just can't believe you yanked off in'a room full of people.