The Eternal Cringe Thread

Post things you have done that still make you hate yourself when you think of them. I'll start with a copy pasta from the dating thread:


Does anyone remember formspring.me? It was a whole social networking site that was basically the ask box from tumblr, so people could ask you questions anonymously or otherwise and your answers would be published in a feed.

It caught on for a short while in my area like 6 years ago, and there was this girl I had a crush on, so naturally the first thing I did was get wasted, go on her formspring, and confess my feelings for her. BUT, I was logged in, and didn't select anonymous. I said the cheesiest shit rife with drunk spelling errors, she saw it and that it was from me, and she PUBLISHED IT. I had to message her on Facebook and beg her to take it down, claiming "I meant to post it on someone else's box".

Worst part is I think she thought it was kind of cute and I didn't follow up, but now she's married in Wyoming and has a confederate flag decal on her truck so I made out okay.

 

This will be one of my favorite threads. I thrive off the cringe

 

Myself and two of my friends went to this girls house that had a major crush on one of my friends. I got ridiculously drunk, sprinted upstairs from the basement where we all were and threw up all over her carpeted bathroom. I then grabbed a bunch of toilet paper and turned on the bath to get the paper wet to try to clean it all up and was throwing what I used in the toilet. I never intermittently flushed, so I tried to flush like a roll of toilet paper at one time, clogged the toilet, made it over flow so I just threw all her towels around the toilet went downstairs and asked my friends if they were ready to head to another party we were planning to go to, so we left.

Edit: not sure if this just a dating-related cringe thread or not. Most of mine are not dating related, though.

Edit 2: Also, I realize how much of a douche I am in that story. I was a really shitty person for a long time when I was younger.

 

Probably the most boss move ever.

 

No man, all cringe is welcome. I was also a huge douchebag until my head popped out of my ass in my early twenties.

 

As most of you know, I work for local government. I work in the Administration Department and I work very closely with the Mayor, City Council, and the City Administrators. I serve in some capacities as an Administrative Assistant to those people, but that is only a small portion of what I do.

Our City Administrator has a lot going on obviously, but he still tries to make an effort to acknowledge and greet everyone in our office throughout the day. Which is nice, but when he walks by your desk and asks you "Hey, Dylan, how are we doing this morning?" and he keeps walking and by the time you get out "I'm great, how about yourself?" he's already down the hall and out of earshot. Also, he's got about the attention span of a gnat so anytime you have to talk to him about something, you've gotta get the problem and have a solution ready and explained to him in about 30 seconds or you've lost him.

So, about 6 months ago, his dad died somewhat suddenly. The Mayor calls me up and asks me to order flowers on behalf of him and the Council to be delivered to the visitation. So I call up our local floral shop and tell them to make something appropriate for X dollars and it needs to say something thoughtful and that it should be sent from "Mayor and City Council." they take my information for the credit card payment and confirmation and it's all wrapped up.

Until about 2 weeks later when he comes back in the office after being out on bereavement leave. He's in the office at least 7:30am before anyone else and I drop my bag at my desk, hit the lights, turn on the coffee maker, and get out my yogurt and protein bar and start my morning routine. So I fire up Outlook to see what I'm going to be working on today and what emails came in over night and I see an email from the City Administrator titled "Thank You"

So, I'm like "this is odd, he's been out for weeks and I haven't done anything for him recently." So I open it up and find this:


1. I have no idea what he is talking about.
2. He never sends an email longer than a sentence to anyone. Ever. Usually whatever he sends is "Thanks for info" or "Please handle and brief me later" or "Thoughts on this"
3. When the hell did he learn how to use emojis and smiley faces? He doesn't even use periods or question marks!

Then I realize that there must have been a mix up with the flowers and they put my name on the card instead of the Mayor and Council! Oh god! Nooo! And he told me about his mom's reaction to them!! And they put them at the grave site too! Oh god oh god oh god!

At this point I'm thinking okay, he doesn't know and i'll just file this away in my archive folder and leave it at that.

But my boss calls me and asks me into her office. She asks me to close the door and to sit down. So I do so and she says "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that the City Administrator stopped me this morning and told me that you ordered his dad flowers on your own and how he was really touched by your kindness and wanted to let me know how thoughtful of an employee you are even outside of work and that it meant a lot to him that you did that personal---"

And I about died and I was panicking. I interrupted her and said "Sheryl, I'm gonna stop you right there. I didn't order his dad flowers for the funeral. The Mayor asked me to order flowers on his and the Council's behalf and I think Hy-Vee screwed up and put my name on it. Eric sent me an email this morning saying almost the same thing, too, and I was so confused at first but I think there's been a mix up."

And she started laughing at me! She said "Oh man, you're screwed hahaha! You have to go back to his office and tell him what happened." I told her "yeah, I'm just gonna file that email away and let him think it was me and not put either of us through that unnecessary awkwardness. I think i'd literally die if I had to go back there and tell him that."And Sheryl says "Okay, we'll let's get Liz [my coworker] and Christine [my boss's boss and is the Assistant City Administrator and works directly under the City Administrator] in here and see what they think."

So we invite Liz and Christine in and I tell them the situation and they both start laughing at me again! And I asked them "so, you guys would totally just file that email away and let it be, right" And Christine goes "of course that's what I would want to do! But, the right thing to do is go back there and tell him the mix up. So that's what you're going to go do. Let us know how it goes though! Have fun! haha!"

So, at that point I have to go back there and tell him. I can't tell both my boss and her boss no. And I don't want to go back there and have to have that conversation with him, either. So the rest of the day I'm trying to work up the nerves to go back there and eventually my boss calls me and tells me to just go do it and stop being a scaredy cat.

So I walk back there and knock on his door and he tells me to come in. I walk in and say "Hey, do you have a moment, I need to talk to you." And he says sure, but he's getting ready to go help his mom sort through some more of his dad's stuff. So I'm even more nervous because now I have to explain this shitty situation to him as quickly as I can!

I just blurt out as fast as I can "I just wanted to say thank you for your email you sent this morning it meant a lot to me that you'd take the time to write that out and tell me about your dead dad's funeral and your moms reaction and I just wanted to let you know that there was a mix up and I didn't order flowers for your dead dad and those flowers were supposed to be addressed from the Mayor and Council and I think the shop screwed up and I can't take credit for what they did and I'm really sorry but I just wanted you to be aware that your dead dad's flowers were from them and not me I'm really sorry"

And I'm thinking oh my god how many times did you just say the words "dead dad"??? Whyy?? and I just stop talking and he just sits there for a second and says "Well, I appreciate you letting me know those flowers weren't from you. I've got to leave now." And I can feel myself sweating and my face is red, the awkwardness is like eating me from the inside and I just walk back to my desk and my boss calls me and asks me "so how did it go? hahaha" and I just hung up and kept my head down the rest of the day when the City Administrator would walk by.

 

Instant sub, let's get cringey

 

I was at a party probably like 3 years after I graduated from high school, saw a dude I hadn't seen in a while at the keg. We were kinda catching up, despite having never really been close friends to begin with, but I was a few beers deep and feeling talk-y. He told me that he'd just gotten a really great job doing something that was impressive to my 20ish year old mind, like an actual grown up adult job.

For whatever reason, I decided to ask him how much money he was gonna be making. Like, first question. I've never been one to care about or get uncomfortable when people talk about their wages, but I guess I momentarily forgot that it's a sort of taboo topic haha. Anyway, he kinda squinted and was like "...IIIII don't really wanna say.......hah...." and I was like "oh yeah man no worries!", but in my head I'm just thinking "god fucking damnit Trevor I can't take you anywhere". His face really said it all. It was pretty awkward and the interaction ended literally just seconds later. I'll never understand why out of all the avenues to take that conversation in, that's the one I chose.

That's all I've got for the moment but rest assured I've done a lot of dumb things in my life

 

when I was away at college I suffered from crippling depression, literally wouldn't leave my room for but for class, struggle to wanna even clean and do anything but sleep.
this came to a head with family weekend and my lil brother got to stay with me in the dorm for a night and the idea was to let him have the college experience and etc, show him around, bro bonding..... unfortunately... I couldn't shake myself out of my shit at all, even then. we just sat in my room and I tried to convince him playing video games was cool enough - seeing his disappointment. looking back afterwards i felt like i lost my brother in the sense of him looking up to me and really just blew a chance at bonding with family at all (a thing still struggled with) for years I resented and hated myself over it.
that's a sad story.

more light hearted...
one time I drank the majority of a 30 pack to myself not realizing my friend was sitting on the same beer for like 2 hours and at like 4am I started that whole telling everyone how great they are and what is good about them, and how I love em and at some point my brothers best friend showed up and I was like getting emotional thanking him for being a good dude and having my bros back cus my bro is a good dude so he deserves a good friend lol
ended the night with getting sick all over myself and falling asleep in the back yard on the swing. good times (not).

 

Jfc @ this whole situation but more specifically this response from him, I read it and literally could not help myself from audibly going "noooooo"

 

One time in high school I was in study hall and didn't have work to do so I listened to music with my head down. I had to fart and thought it was gonna be a silent one.....boy was I wrong. I looked up and the whole room was staring at me. Some people holding back laughter. I tried to play it off like I had been sleeping but man that was one of the most embarrassing moments for me in high school

 

I have cringier stories but I'll either not share those or save them for later sharing. This one isn't that cringy:

One time I was at the movies watching the new Mike BIrbiglia movie (at the time, Sleepwalk With Me) and some guy wouldn't stop talking so I angrily went over to tell him to be quiet and discovered it was Mike Birbiglia. So my favorite comedian may or may not hate me now.

 

Do you hate him for talking during the movie?

 

A little

No not really he can do what he wants

 

My friend and I were out with a few of his co-workers and one of his co-workers roommates was this super cute girl that I was smitten with instantly. But, I was a shy, dumb, clueless early-20-something idiot and didn't pick up on signals. We went to a party and drank and then sat outside on the porch smoking clove cigarettes because we literally could not have been any cooler at all. Said cute girl walks out, assesses the seating situations and just sits down on my lap. I'm so nervous I take a big puff off the clove cigarette, basically forget how to inhale and end up just like swallowing part of the smoke. 90 seconds later I, without warning, just turn my head and spray puke off the side of the balcony. Last I ever saw of that girl.

 

Just the other day Laura and I went to breakfast at a diner near her place, and the server reached out to take my menu, but instead of handing him the menu, I shook his hand.

My stories are not great.

 

I cringed. So it was good.

 

In like 2010 I was at a party flirting with a girl who I thought was cute. We seemed to get along pretty well but she also seemed to be one of those people who was just genuinely friendly. I went to head out of the room and the guy hosting the party pulled me aside in the hallway.

He explained "I saw you and Ashley talking to each other in there...and I just wanted to make you aware, like not to be awkward, but she and I are kind of talking right now."

"Really?" I replied.

"Yeah, we've been talking for a while now."

Now, by "talking" he clearly meant that they were romantically interested in each other. But my interpretation was off. So I said "Tell her I said hi!" and nonchalantly walked away.

 

Low key maybe the most alpha move ever?

 

Alpha by accident is a pretty good summary of me

Except not really but in that story it definitely was

 

That's my new band. Alpha by accident

 

I have no idea why but this just made me laugh way, way too much.

 

It's a really damn good name, it sounds like a comedy album name to me

 

God damnit zac I was just posting this

 

I was so unbelievably embarrassed and we laughed all breakfast about it. Then when it was time to pay the bill he made sure to come back and shake my hand again