(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 614

How do I get a date off Tinder?

 

like you're already talking to people on there and you want to segue into asking them out on a date?

 

Does anyone else get mad when their SO plans, insinuates, or implies sex later in the evening and just doesn't? It was a huge point of contention in my marriage as I'm a very sexual person and it just happened again tonight. I'm trying to keep it cool for obvious reasons, but I also feel like maybe I'm just always in the wrong. I can't help it though, I enjoy having sex.

 

Yeah, that really does piss me off, haha. Can't really do anything about it, either.

 

I dunno, she has a right to change her mind about whether or not she wants to have sex. Seems like a petty thing, IMO, to get upset over. No one owes anyone sex, whether they hinted at it or not.

Also, I don't mean to call you petty or anything. I couldn't think of a better way to phrase it. Not attempting to come across as attacking.

 

Seems like something you should address. If this happens often then perhaps there is a communication problem?

 

Nobody is ever obligated to have sex, just like nobody is entitled to it - but sexual compatibility is pretty important in relationships, and if this is a recurring problem then it's probably worth discussing or seeking counseling over to see if it's something that can be rectified. You're not wrong for wanting to have sex and your SO isn't wrong for not wanting to, but if you're consistently on a different page on the subject then it's definitely worth addressing.

 

A girl who I talked to awhile ago went out of her way to find me to ask me if I'm going to see Thursday, things are going well

 

Tell her u like Friday better

I'll see myself out

 

I've been busy/away from this thread and Chorus for a bit, but I wanted to come back and say thanks for these replies and listening/reading to what I wrote.

I guess it's just something I'm going to have to work at and like @EmmanuelSCastle said, being aware and recognizing that. If it gets to a certain point, I might end up talking to her about it a little bit more if I think it'll help

She ended up messaging me last Sunday morning asking if I wanted Olive Garden and we went and got lunch there and then ran errands together. Then her brother made a surprise visit to drop his dog off at her house for a few hours:

So, we're sitting at a comic shop looking for some comic she wanted when her brother calls her saying he's on his way over to drop his dog off for a few hours. She tells me I can either circle the block or meet him, but she's only going to introduce me as a friend. Which is all fine by me, I'm not ready for either of us to meet each others family yet so I'll do whatever she's comfortable with.

We get back to her house and he's still not there yet. So she tells me to wait outside on her back porch because he'll probably just let his dog in the front door and leave so she'll come get me when he leaves. So I'm sitting in her lawn chair for a few seconds when I see her outside cat run from the side of the house to the back where I'm sitting. So I say Hey Finn! Where ya going? And he just runs by me and I still hear a pet collar jingling coming from the side of the house to the back.

And all of the sudden Ashley opens up the backdoor and loudly whispers "HES COMING THIS WAY" and I'm like oooh shit so I get up out of the chair and do my best fast waddle/grandma mall power walk to get silently but quickly inside her house. It was too late...

Her brother saw me do my awkward butt clench waddle through the door and then across the kitchen window that looks out her backyard. I book it for the bathroom and shut the door and a few minutes later she comes back to get me. I asked if I made it and she said "No...he definitely saw you and he gave me a look and I said you were just a friend and didn't want the dog to jump on you....I think he believed me?"

So a few hours later I'm helping her clean up her backyard while she mows. I asked if she said she had a weed eater. She does, but she has never got it to work. So I offered to take a look at it and get it working. After like 30 minutes of messing with this stupid piece of shit weed eater I finally get it to work and do all of the weed eating throughout her lawn.

We decide to take a break and go inside to get our drinks. We're sitting on her patio drinking sonic slushies for a few and she decides she's going to finish up the little bit of mowing that she has left and said for me to just chill there for a few minutes.

As soon as she started to mow, I'm looking at her while I'm sipping my drink. I am turned away from her back door, but I hear it open...Her brother comes out her back door and looks at me and gives me the most confused look. I opened my mouth and just said "Uh...." and that was it. Ashley comes over and introduces us and they go back inside to talk and try to get his dog to leave.

She came back out and I said "Oh my god, did he say anything about me" She said "yeah.....he asked what you were doing sitting on my porch watching me mow like a creep"

 

I asked her "did you tell him how I helped clean up your yard??? Or how I got your weed eater working and did all of that?? Anything that made me not look like I was just sitting there on your porch watching you while I sip a slushie like a weirdo???????" She said "no, I didn't think about it."


So great, now my first impression to her brother is the creepy dude who watches his sister mow

 

Anyone on Bumble?

So I just had someone message me out of the blue and she didn't even show up previously as a match. I messaged her back and then she was gone seconds later.

Anyone had this happen? Is it a bug?

 

I appreciate this deeply

 

From what I've seen Bumble is like the whitest dating app so I don't bother.

 

on the bright side at least you're the weird creepy friend in his eyes and not yet the weird creepy boyfriend

 

Thank you. You put it in much better terms then I could've.

 

being on the other end of this thing, this is something i did a lot to my partner a lot in my previous relationship. it all came down that we weren't connecting in other ways and even though we really did have great sex, i was pushing him away and would say "oh we'll do it later." i didn't gain perspective on the matter until i started to see the faults and cracks in the rest of our relationship. don't know if thats the case with ya'll but for me, i felt perhaps neglected in other ways and subconsciously i felt less inclined without realizing. maybe could be an emotional or a big picture of the relationship thing. again, dont know the full situation but as someone who has done this exact move time and time again, thought i'd throw my perspective in.

 

That's not normal, no.

 

I feel like as I've gotten older I've adopted more of a "I don't need romantic love to be happy" mindset. Like it's nice but its not a necessary component of happiness. But then I always hear my older coworkers say that the older they get the more they wish they would've gone for it with certain loves and that once you find it you should say screw it and do what it takes to go for it aka yolo. They actually make the best wingwomen cause they're like "srsly stop being a shy loser and just do it and take a chance cause when you get older you'll realize how silly you're being." I guess the two mindsets don't have to be mutually exclusive but the more I'm like "I don't need no man!!" as I get older, I wonder if there will be a tipping point where I regret using that as an excuse to not go for it more often. I mean, probably.

 

I sort of follow the "do what makes you happy" advice and if that doesn't include pursuing a relationship than I wouldn't worry about it. I think it's too easy to get stuck in that hole of asking if you'll regret your decisions later in life when there's no way of really knowing. Of course, I don't mean decisions where you basically know it could negatively affect your future but there might be some tiny temporary pay off. I think when it comes to relationships a lot of people would have us believe that there's some cutoff where you've missed the boat on being able to date which I know to be false - I know that pressure is put more on women than men too which is super lame.

 

Ugh. This song breaks my heart every time. It always brings me back without fail to a very dark period. Seriously like thee breakup song for me

 

Interesting. My ex used to do this all the time. We were talking recently and she was telling me how her current partner does this all the time and how frustrating it is for her. Actually, she was saying how it's like a complete role reversal from our relationship lol, it's fascinating. I don't know about your situation, but my ex was dealing with terrible bouts of depression and we later found out after we broke up that she suffers from bipolar disorder, and that played a huge factor in her libido. Not saying it's the same with you, but I doubt it has to do with you explicitly and more with something that's going on internally with her. That's just my experience.

 

I got a midnight phonecall from the woman I've been seeing the last few months. Cried her eyes out at me and got so wound up over the idea that I couldn't picture us having a romantic relationship.

She took it so personally that it's something wrong with her (sounds like I'm not the first to do this to her this year) and I just couldn't articulate that it's not in any way some negative property that is stopping me thinking we'd work as a couple.

I feel really awful about it, because I think she's lovely. We'd already had this conversation before, but this time she sounded devastated. Now she's deleted my contacts and has insisted I don't speak to her.

So yeah. That's shit.

 

Trying to get my friend to drive me to those Thursday shows so I can hang out with this girl. I guarantee even if she agrees, it'll fall through.