(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 612

Are you still eating veggie

 

Yeah, it's been about a month now

 

There's a horrendous joke in there somewhere.

Was anyone else a heavy MSN user? I was all over that program (they were programs then, not apps). I even had the third party MSN Plus, so that I could more heavily customise my screen name. So many hours whiled away on that. It never led to any dating for me though (much as I tried). Weirdly, it was Facebook chat (which I absolutely hated in its early days) which did that.

 

I think I've grown complacent in my apathy. It was almost fun for a while to be sleeping on the couch, able to catch up on hobbies and stuff unmoderated without the relationship competing for my attention. But this weekend we hosted another couple from out of town that Elena has been friends with for years, and we kinda acted like nothing happened so as to not create an awkward environment. We weren't touchy feely but we were fine. Now it's Wednesday and I'm back to the couch, back to being blown off entirely and it sucks all over again. I think the writing is on the wall but I'm having a really hard time gathering the chutzpah to leave. Not even out of the regular stuff like fear of losing her or unfinished business. I'm just not ready to uproot myself again and find somewhere to land. That big of a shift in environment is not what I need rn.

Want to sleep for like a day and wake up to a couple more zeroes at the end of my bank account -_-

 

Sounds like it's time you left the sinking ship. Moving is never fun and a relationship collapsing doesn't make it any easier, but if you leave and find yourself somewhere stable and comfortable, you'll probably feel massively relieved and be glad you applied yourself to it.

Also, you'll get to sleep in a sodding bed again.

 

Yeah, probably so. I just don't get what changed. I've been a pretty reliable partner, never pulled a fast one or "changed the rules", always keeping the home clean and trying to include her in stuff. Obviously no one owes me a reason to fall out of love with me as that just happens sometimes. But, fuck.

First new flame I'm gonna hit up is Purple Mattress.

 

I've done a similar thing in the past. Not having a reason or an answer as to why things went wrong is so frustrating and it'll drive you crazy thinking about it and wondering. Like you said though, in the end it doesn't really matter. If things aren't working out, they aren't working out, and it's best for both of you to move on.

 

I drove myself into the ground wondering why my longest relationship collapsed. Although, mine went so much faster that there was a big shock involved for me. I guess if it had gone gradually downhill, it wouldn't have hammered me quite as it did. Not recommended!

 

Yeah, part of you wants there to be an exact reason so you can try to "fix" the problem, but you can't always fix the problem and there's almost never just one simple reason for a failing relationship.

 

I would have liked to fix it, but even just accepting the result is much easier if you understand why it no longer works for your ex partner. Ultimately, I don't think the dynamic between the two of us was the issue. It was more that she had just finished university and in that transition, decided that a long term relationship with me was no longer what she wanted.

I don't think it was helped by her parents offering her a job at home, but such is life. I'm older now. I accept that sometimes things just disappear.

 

Well, band aid is ripped. I'm moving out. I kinda lost it tonight and said the hard things. We have agreed to try things apart from one another so as to know we gave it our best shot and so we don't grow to resent and hate each other while I live here in the interim. We all know the success rate for those stories, though. Really, really fucking sucks and I am a mess but I am just glad to have a three day weekend on the way to collect myself and make a plan.

 

Love you bud. I know it's hard, but it's the right step to take at this time. If you need any help with anything or want to talk I'm here for ya.

 

Gonna echo what Joe said. If you need anything, you know a bunch of us are here for ya. Tough in the short term, but this will be better in the long term. Focus on you and what you need to do to be happy.

 

From everything you've said, you're doing the right thing.

 

Thank you friends

 

So I wonder if I'm actually going to go out with this girl tonight.

We will see.

 

really think you did the right thing, and while i have no experience in this area, i hope it goes well because space really does help sometimes. Good luck!!

 

It's weird to think about dating before texting. You just wouldn't speak to the person you're talking to between dates, well I guess people called each other but still

 

I think it was a net positive. Commoditized the time you spent together, let you know what it's like to miss them. Now it's you go home from a date and it's all

"what r u doing"
"nm u"
"nm eating chips"
"lol"
"yea"

 

sounds amazing

 

Up until like the fuckin 1940s and 50s alot of people would just marry after knowing eachother for months or less....lol

 

This is discussed in depth in Aziz Ansari's relationship book

I'd recommend it but it feels dishonest when I'm still in the first chapter

 

Yeah, texting complicates things. Also, I hate how if you get someone's number you are expected to go through texting first and if you call them, often it's considered creepy

 

You also can't say "I do not want to text you right now but don't take it personally I just don't like to engage in constant conversation which is a v reasonable trait". There's a universal expectation that if x texts y, y better respond or they're an asshole/not into you.

Like, trust me appealing female, you don't want me scraping the bottom of my text barrel.

 

i love texting and texting people i know well but in the dating stage i hate it because you're always wondering if it's too much or whatever. i want to eliminate texting from dating