(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 6

Fair point! Not necessarily in romantic relationships, but passion is something I've struggled with in the past. I remember not being all that excited at my high school graduation and looking around and seeing my classmates in tears of happiness.

 

I think we should date because this is exactly me right now. I'm so pessimistic and jaded and cynical after my previous relationship that I'm like, self-sabatoging and pushing away this girl I've been hanging out with because I'm so fucking afraid of getting burned again. I've her I need nights to myself to recharge because working and hanging out with her make me physically and emotionally exhausted, and she's been somewhat understanding. But, I've also told her straight up I won't commit to dating, and especially not a relationship, probably ever again, even though I know I probably will, just because I feel like I have to put up a huge wall to protect myself now. This is getting wordy, I've been drinking and this is the result. We'll find happiness eventually, even if it's not a taylor swift love song template of happiness.

 

Been with my boyfriend almost 6 years. Moving into our first apartment without roomies in three weeks and I am SO EXCITE

 

so I find out indirectly that my ex is crashing at my best friend's place. she drove down there to go to a day party. they're both drunk. it's fucking weird and idk how I should feel about it.

 

i have the worst luck on online dating i get the your sexy then the chick stop messaging out of the blue and tinder the last like i got was like three weeks ago on pof i get no messages back

 

Thaaaaaaat's concerning.

 

Unless you broke up really recently, I don't think you should feel much about it at all. Just got to hope your friend isn't going to end up making life very awkward by trying to date your ex.

 

Broke up in February. I'm fine with it now, I guess it wasn't his idea and he was probably just being nice.

 

Some lady sent me a message on OkCupid and then I looked at her profile and noticed that it said she was a fan of "HP". I messaged her back and said that I have a great HP desktop and then I found out she was talking about Harry Potter.

 

After 4 years i am now single and living in brooklyn and i have no idea what i am doing!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)

 

Good news, actually hitting it off pretty well with the girl I accidentally sent a middle finger Giphy to. Not sure if anything will come of it but she's been fun to talk to.

 

What are everyone's thoughts on "taking a break" from a long-term relationship because things aren't going well?

Is this the right solution, or are we supposed to work it out together rather than individually? I've been told different things... Some say that "distance makes the heart grow fonder" or "if you love something, set it free..." but I've also been told, "People who truly love you will make things work out no matter what it costs, distance and all other materialistic things are just excuses."

 

Update: I've been trying to meet up with both of them individually on friend-dates or whatever, but I'm starting to feel like I'm leaning more towards one over the other. I think that's a good sign? The last thing I want to do is rationalize this decision, so I guess I'm kind of relieved that my heart is telling me I have stronger feelings for one of them. I still kind of hate that I developed crushes on two of my close friends at the same time, but it seems like it's starting to sort itself out.

That one Sara Bareilles song about being brave or something was playing at a store I was in and its chorus got stuck in my head-- I think I might actually ask her out soon, like on a date-date. Ugh I have no idea what I'm doing.

 

I think it depends on the individuals. Sometimes people just need a little time to themselves to sort things out. Trying to get it together while also trying to be there for someone else can be really hard and emotionally draining so I'm not totally against it. Plus I think extra time to remember what you want and why you're with the person can't hurt. As long as the terms are clear and it's not a ross/Rachel situation I think it's cool

 

So I've just booked to go away on a holiday for 5 days with a girl I've only been dating for about two months. I've known her for years before this though, and we were friends before, but my only worry is that we're going to run out of things to talk about, or that things might be weird because we haven't been together for all that long.

 

Thank for the feedback.

Yeah, I mean, we need a change. That's for SURE. We've been together for a LONG time (12 years) so this is obviously the longest/basically the only relationship either of us have really had. We've had ups and downs but as of recent, there hasn't been any big issue, just arguing over mundane things and generally having a tough time being happy.

This is obviously a problem and needs attention, but I feel like we should be focusing on communication/reconnecting with each other rather than taking a break. I'd be okay with it if we were just taking some alone time to reflect on our relationship and figure out what we want, but I feel like she just wants to explore another friendship/crush and see where that might go.

I just don't want to be sitting on the sidelines waiting.

I had typed a lot more, but felt like I was rambling so I deleted a bunch. I just don't know right now.

 

Sounds like you both need to explore others and yourselves. There is no ideal number of experiences one has to have in order to be able to operate in a relationship; however, with this being the longest/only relationship either of you have been in, it seems time apart might be for the best and you may find that there are others you feel connected to in a way that you haven't with your current partner. And I think that, at bottom, you're afraid she will be experiencing things and you won't. That isn't the case. In any event, love isn't metaphysical, it doesn't heal all rifts, it is not a specific set of acts that are calibrated correctly. It is composed of individuals and sometimes it only lasts a moment due to the changes we all go through. So, there is no "people in love do this or that", it is more like,"what works for us and what do we, as individuals, want." And that takes being apart and exploring to figure that out. If you really want to maintain the relationship with her, maybe suggest opening up the relationship, so you both can have other sorts of relationships, while sorting out what is going on between you two. That's just my two cents and my engagement is rapidly falling apart, so take my words for what they're worth.

 

same , like I love romantic comedies but have never felt that way about everything

 

Thanks. I guess my main issue here is should I even bother with the break thing? Is a break, really a break? Or is it just the beginning of a breakup? Should I just force her to either work things out with me or break up completely, or should I just let her have her break and consider getting back together eventually?

Like I've said, I feel like a change is necessary and has been for a long time, but (I feel like) it's only happening right now because she's found another option. Should I let her explore this option and possibly get back with her later on if that doesn't pan out, or should I force her to make up her mind now?

I just feel like she's chasing some fantasy because she's not currently happy. Maybe it will work for her, maybe not, but I know that we have something special and I hate to just give up on it because she's struggling to find happiness. I guess hindsight is 20/20 and I should have realized that I needed to work on things before it got to this point, but I still feel like she's just throwing her hands up and moving to whatever gives her a sense of happiness even if it's fleeting.

 

You should just break up. At the end of the day, "taking a break" is a tactic for people afraid of letting go. Sometimes letting go is better. It helps both parties. Also, I think you should attempt to see it from her perspective. She isn't a bad person or anything like that. She is an individual trying to navigate the world just like you.

 

Today I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months and it's one of the many month anniversaries where I don't get to see him because I live 1,000 miles away /:

 

No, I agree. I don't think she's wrong or bad, just searching for answers/happiness... and I truly do want her to be happy and I know that she's not currently. I agree that "taking a break" is just a way of dealing with the fear of letting go, but I also think that just breaking up is kind of giving up without really trying. If we had gotten married, should we just get divorced? I've treated this relationship like a marriage, in that I had intentions of it lasting forever. I understand that people change and that maybe we're not meant to be, but it's seems silly to not fight for this at least a little bit after 12 years together. I don't want to force her into staying with me or make her feel like she doesn't have the chance to find herself but I just can't walk away because she's reaching for something that we lost somewhere along the way.

So, I have 3 options, it seems like

1) taking a break like she wants, and seeing where that winds up - probably evenutally break up

or

2) Ask for a chance to fix things. Go to counseling, make more time for each other and ourselves, find ways to communicate better, etc...

or

3) Just tell her we are done and walk away.

I guess I'm just hopeful that I can keep this relationship alive, but I don't want to be the guy who is begging for something that shouldn't be. I've spent the last 4000+ days/nights living with this person and to just say goodbye because we are unhappy, seems like a cop out.

Sorry for my long post. I've been tossing this around in my head constantly for the past couple of days and I don't really have anyone I feel comfortable talking to about this. Thanks for your help.

 

My ex and I were together for 3 years, she wanted to go on a break. I didn't, but figured that if it was what she wanted there wouldn't be any changing her mind. We broke up a week later.
Not telling her that I didn't want to go on a break, and essentially just giving up is a massive regret. I found out a number of months later that tings probably would of been salvageable, but I just assumed they weren't.
If you still want to be with her, I'd at least say that you don't like the idea and would rather work at it somehow, and see what she says about that.

 

That sounds so much fun! Ever since I saw the Tennessee ep of Master of None, I've wanted to do something similar.

 

Thanks.