(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 333

Just be yourself! Best way to go always! You know who you are so freakin be IT.

 

What are you planning? Vandalism?

 

My girlfriend is open-minded about music and movies, so I can take the trade-off of her being picky about food. It sucks because I like to try nice restaurants, but eh not that huge a sacrifice.

 

I just make mixtapes filled with plaintive indie-rock, so I can act like a real piece of shit in real life.

 

also guilty

 

Dom u funny

 

Small things like music/food/movie taste would never be a deal breaker for me. The only one I actually really like to have in common is tv/movie taste since that generally means we'll have similar senses of humor.

 

I'm not saying you have to have the same exact taste in music/movies/tv but if there isn't any sort of overlap then I can't imagine it being a good match. Like Jacob said, sense of humor for one. Or imagine all the movie nights and car rides where one of you is always compromising/miserable? I don't know, it doesn't seem like 'nothing' to me. That's just me though.
One of my favorite things about my ex was how crazy we both were over Disney. We would watch Disney channel movies together and laugh hysterically and I know I won't really find that connection with anyone else because it's crazy specific. But it was a pretty big thing in our relationship that I can't imagine it without.

edited to add: on the flipside, what's ACTUALLY important is that you respect each others tastes. I don't necessarily care if someone likes the same bands as me, but I WOULD like to go to concerts with my SO and not have them complain or be miserable the whole time.
Also on the flipside to the ex mentioned above, he HATED all the true crime tv that I was obsessed with and wouldn't let me watch it when he was around. That was shitty, because ideally I would like to watch that with my SO. But full disclosure I was the same way and didn't want him watching anime when I was around lol

 

I watch Cruel Intentions on a loop. But, I always go back to the beginning before Ryan Phillipe dies. So, like, you gotta be able to deal.

 

oh yeah for sure. i dont believe someone liking something means you work as a couple. my ex boyfriend and i were together for 7 years and on paper we made no sense. we were opposites in a lot of ways and we definitely were a ying to a ying situation. i work in the arts, he works for car dealership. hes i dont put a lot of weight in interests. its not a dealbreaker by any way. but a willingness and openess has to be there i think. and if one person is gonna be negative towards your interests, it can wear on you. which i did experience towards the end of our relationship but i think it came from a spillover of other problems that were happening. but he was generally a negative person so it made it difficult sometimes when i just wanted to listen to something and he would tell me its shit. that becomes grating.

 

we also broke up the day after the 1975 concert. its not the reason but he literally sat there on his phone the whole time. pissed me off so much. be present in the moment, at least pretend to care..

 

just like in 500 days of summer "just cause some girl likes the same bizzaro as you do, does not make you soulmates"

i would but being a stars fan my commentary would be like "why we do that" "how'd we lose with that lead" "OT lose again"

 

stars hockey where you can score 5 goals and still lose.

Last year stars hockey was the best.

 

dating fucking sucks i'm over it i want a long term relationship and that is it the process is bullshit

 

That's one of the reason why it's important to take some breaks. sometimes, it gets rough out there and yourself re- centered up.

 

but i'm not even going on dates :(

 

Man I had just the best date tonight. Girl I've gone on a couple dates with invited me over. Cooked up a couple New York Strips, watched Treasure Planet, talked about life... man I'm really fucking happy right now.

 

I've never dated someone with similar music taste, but they at least have to respect it,, which they haven't in the past. Cause as corny as it sounds I feel like someone can learn a lot about me by listening to my favorite albums because there's a reason I identify with them so much. I can handle joking and teasing but at the end of the day if they're rude about it I'm not here for that.

Aside from that, and like politics/social issues because I'm not gonna date a Trump supporter or libertarian or "I'm a humanist/equalist/bs not a feminist" it doesn't really matter. I tend to date ppl who are more extroverted than me which I like but it also sucks sometimes when they don't understand why it's not as easy for me to be social and outgoing and extroverted as them.

 

i used to really want to date someone who was into a lot of the same subculture crap as me, but it's gotten significantly less important. honestly tho i would love to one time date a girl that liked trapped under ice. or any hardcore. alas.

 

My fiancee is the first girl I been with who musically we synced up so well while still having so much the other can show each other. We're both "the music guy/gal" among our friends so it's no surprise I guess we matched up so well, ha. Even when we broke up for awhile when I wanted to find new music after the wound healed up a bit I literally said to myself "Brittany always had a cool taste in music, let's get to some of those bands she'd always have on." lol

She's responsible for getting me into Toro y Moi, Wavves & Minus the Bear to name just a few.

 

Ya, there's definitely a way to approach differences in a tolerable way. We actually took advantage of free counseling that my work had a benefit for, even though we weren't really having problems or anything. We wanted an outside perspective on how we communicated because we kept hitting walls. Learned a lot in just 3 or 4 sessions, and it's made a big difference. There's also a willingness that has to come from both sides as well, cause if there's a problem and only 1 person is willing to recognize and fix it, that will inevitably lead to more severe problems.

 

I think it's important to have at least some degree of differences in a relationship. "Similar enough to feel comfortable with them, different enough to keep it interesting and learn from one another," is how I look at it, ha.
I've had "WOW we're basically the same person!" relationships blow up in my face AND have a nice run, same way I've had seemingly so different relationships do the same.
Attraction/love takes a lot more into account than shared interests.

 

"I began ruminating obsessively over why I felt this need to convince my white lovers I was something more than just "black"—to have them see me in a way I couldn't even see myself. How could I ask that strangers find my black body beautiful when I saw black bodies as alien, foreign to my desires? Even in my memory of that first night in Berlin, the only eyes I can remember were those on repulsed white faces. How many boys at that bar who looked like me saw my eyes meet theirs with the same revulsion?

So I began to decolonize my desires the only way I knew how—through writing. That obsession, like an itch, spread through me in the way that had moved my forefathers; I began to slowly process what it meant to be a black, male body in a white gay's world. I wrote a play that explored a relationship between a 25 year old black artist and a 65 year old white art collector, to parse the ways I was cradled, coddled and collected by white institutions and how I've collected and used them in turn. Another imagined a relationship between Robert Mapplethorpe and James Baldwin as a way to explore the white men I have dated, and the ways my forefathers had colonized desires, too.

In Black Face, White Mask, the Martinique-born philosopher Frantz Fanon wrote that black people don't feel inferior to others because to feel inferior is to feel you exist. Instead, we obsessively search for recognition, like the recognition of another's gaze, in order to formulate an existence, to become self-aware.

Because I've spent most of my life living in a white world—obsessed with its cultural products, its bodies, its validation—I've lived most of my life unaware that in doing so, I was failing to exist."


Decolonizing My Desire - VICE

 

I read this as " trapped UNDER ice" and thought this must be some hot new kinky asphyxiation thing people do.