(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 1418

Wants to stay for Daddy Nate

 

Yeah the hardest part right now is trying to figure out how to see friends. I appreciate the answer.

 

Dang, congrats! I had a similar reaction when my brother asked me to be his best man. We’re 9 years apart and I was in my mid-20’s and couldn’t relate to him so we weren’t super close. Ended with the worst best man speech ever because I was comfortable public speaking yet. Was actually just thinking about that speech earlier this morning.

But congrats!

 

Arrested Development voice

You?

 

Thanks!

Haha damn this sounds like my cousins.

They never got along but because the younger brother didn’t really have any close make friends so he asked his older brother to be best man. He accepted but was like “what the fuck? I know nothing about you and you normally hate me” lol. To make matters worse, her dad spoke before the brother gave his speech and the dad said the opening joke he was gonna use so he panicked and then while fumbling over his words his brother was nudging him with his foot (trying to get his attention) but the brother thought it was nudging him to hurry the fuck up so he mumbled some words for ten seconds, said the same joke we just heard, and then ended to like 4 people clapping.

But it’s okay because the best man cousin is a douchey piece of shit

 

My brother and I like each other just we’re in different places because of the age gap.

He texted me that he proposed to his wife and then texted me saying “you’re the best man” and I was drunk and like “thanks man I appreciate that” thinking he was complimenting me.

Two weeks later he asked what we were doing for his bachelor party (there was like 3 months between proposal and wedding) and I was like ask your best man and said “I am dummy.”

So I was terrified of public speaking back then and I told him and he said “you don’t have to worry about giving a speech.” So I didn’t.

His reception was in a bar the day before Halloween and so I’m in the bathroom taking a piss next to like the hamburgerler and my zipper on my pants breaks. My brothers friend walks in then walks out and shouts “Ken your brother is in here playing with himself” and like five of us try to figure out what to do. So he tells me to walk back and put on other pants and hurry back for the dinner. I get lost on the way back to the hotel — if I turned right out of the hotel I would’ve been there in two blocks. Instead I turned left and it took me like six blocks and I had to avoid getting tagged into some zombie tag game.

I put on blue jeans, the only type of pants I brought with me, and hustle back. Sit down next to my brother who says “you ready to give your speech?”

“You said I’m not giving one!”

“No I said you don’t have to worry about it.”

I stand up, pull out my phone, someone to my left just says something like “this guy couldn’t be bothered to even write down his speech.” The fuck am I getting heckled for?!

So I’m super nervous and look at my half finished speech and then I just stare at the crowd for a minute. Then just pick up a glass and say “to Ken and Kelly” and sit down.

My brothers wife’s sister gets up for her speech. She does 20 minutes and talks about their dad who died when they were in middle school and how their stepdad came in and didn’t try to replace their deceased father but how he helped shape their lives and they’re so grateful for him and the room is fucking SOBBING and then she tells a bunch of well timed jokes — just an instant classic of a wedding toast.

She sits down and I jokingly say “man that blew my speech out of the water” and my brothers friend at a table just shouts “mike get her to rewrite your speech!” And the room laughs.

 

Holy shit Mike

 

Basically when I get married i have to give a speech about my brother before I let him give a speech about me.

 

Ind ruin


I’m drunk is this the pint point where I say I love you all dearly ?

 

Wait someone called me over and now we’re making out

 

@dylan

 

Sounds like another standard Saturday for dog...

My Saturday was a bit of a shit show. I've not posted in here that much in the last three months, but I have been dating someone I met earlier this year. She asked me out, which was unusual. However, in hindsight, I think I maybe accepted for the wrong reasons. We got on and she's great in many ways, but I don't think I'd ever really seen her that way. However, since she seemed nice, we went on that date. It went pretty well and we started seeing each other regularly from there.

Unfortunately, I never really developed any strong feelings and after she did some super cute things this week, I knew I had to call it off. It got to a point where I felt sick with guilt, because she was clearly really into it and I just wasn't. Not a nice place to be, since she's really lovely and I do like her. Sadly, I think I fell more down the friend route.

Anyway, I decided I had to deal with the situation yesterday. She insisted she come over to talk about it (I'd tried to avoid that, because I didn't want her to drive over in horrible weather, to have a miserable talk. My own car is broken, so I couldn't go to her).

So, she comes over and I explain what's been going on. She was upset, but really understanding about it. We actually had a really nice talk, so I was glad she insisted that she came over. After around 3 hours, we say our goodbye (that bit was hard) and I close the door.

This is where it gets ridiculous. I go back to my bedroom to check my phone and I already have a message from her. She's stuck outside my flat, because her car has a flat tyre. Her car has one of these gel pack things for re-inflating a punctured tyre, but it's so completely flat that neither of us fancy trying that. There's no spare, so she has to call for recovery. So, back up to my flat she comes.

The recovery dude is meant to be around an hour. After an hour, there's no sign of him. As she's calling the recovery company, the recovery driver calls and says that the weather is so bad that he had to change his clothes after his last job, so he's going to be another half hour. He arrives around 40 minutes later. As soon as he shows up in a low loader, it becomes clear he's not going to try to repair or replace the tyre, he's just going to collect her and the car and go.

So, she goes outside again, thinking she'd be leaving soon. After a couple of minutes, she asks to come back up into the flat, because it's freezing outside. She's with me another 20 minutes before her car is finally loaded up. Eventually she does leave and has to ride home in the cab with this gruff recovery driver.

She messages me to say she got home safely. The driver had spent the whole journey talking about completely inappropriate things. For example, telling her she was safe, as he had a CRB check (a sort of background check to make sure you're not a sex offender or otherwise criminal). But he then pointed out that doesn't always work and cited a recent news story where a police officer was charged with raping a teenager. He gave her a guided tour of where his cat died, where he rescued a dog and all sorts of other random bleak crap.

So yeah. Weird day. Coupled with my current messy situation with my own brother, I can't wait for 2018 to fuck off.

 

we need to get Dog a tracking device / shock collar for Christmas

 

you made out with @dylan ? you dirty dawg

 

Also I like to imagine Dog pulling away from the kiss "wait a minute, just need to inform the forums"

 

Hopefully one day!! That’s my dream. So jealous of @thesoftskeleton

 

haha shock collars feel so crazy

 

Oh dang. I forgot, you must have worn one until you were about 6, huh?

 

kinky.

 

They've never kissed because of the germs

 

I saw a girl state in her online profile that her dream date is "dueting Bohemian Rhapsody together in the car". I cringed so hard I think I'm gonna put down bumble for a little while.....

 

That's right. And then a coupla other times as a twenty somethin' adult human. Wanted to see if it felt any different.

 

you're too good for Wayne's World , you Dan

 

Dan’s world dan’s world party time excellent