(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 1402

I never know how people wind up with their high school sweethearts, it's sweet to be with one person forever but I can't imagine anyone not having your feelings of what if
are you considering taking a break, and not pulling a Ross and fucking that up immediately, or counseling

 

counseling would probably be first.

 

Such a tough situation. I understand completely when you got together so young, I think your feelings are normal.

However I am one of the basic naive bitches who wants to believe marriage should be forever, or that that’s the goal.
I also agree heavily with those saying be careful bc the grass is always greener
On one hand, you deserve to explore your feelings and feel independent and life is short and you deserve to feel happy etc
On the other hand, finding someone to love you and commit to you forever is “the goal” right? I mean it’s why 99% of people date. We’re all looking for someone to grow old with. And the fact is that most people are going to make you miserable. If they’re not doing something outright terrible like abusing you or cheating on you, then you fight so much that you’re just miserable all the time. So something to keep in mind when there’s nothing outright bad about your marriage.

One thing you see repeated by older generations is the notion that marriages lasting is a conscious choice. It’s deciding to hold on tight when you’d rather let go. It’s actively working on loving your partner and reigniting when the spark is gone. That’s what I believe. Not judging people who get divorced, or give up, or anything. Just trying to give my perspective or “what I would do” since you’re asking for advice :P

 

I felt exactly like you did two years ago with my wife. Married 7 years, together 11.

For me, leaving was the best decision. I felt like so much weight had been lifted and I was able to move my life forward in a way that I knew I just couldn't if I stayed. I'm happier and healthier and for me, it was the right move.

If you divorce, be prepared to lose a lot of friends. It's amazing how many minor friends will just out right drop you if they feel you're the bad person in this.

 

Thank you for this advise, I appreciate this perspective and it's something I need to remind myself of more often.

See, that's how I think I'll feel. I think we've just grown apart a little too much and holding on might be for the best long term. Good thing I don't have many friends to begin with. Another issue is that we feed off each other's laziness and both end up being hermits and not doing social things. I never wanted to be like this.

 

I matched with someone I’ve been chatting sporadically with who lives in Denton and my last brain cell is like MAYBE THEY KNOW @ChaseTx AND/OR @thesoftskeleton

 

have y'all tried making small changes to that to try and break the staying in and laziness? like having a day during the week where you make time to go on a walk or to the gym or bike together and then another night sometime during the week where you have to get out of the house to grab a drink or dinner or something to leave? Maybe make a calendar invite on y'alls phones together and research a new place or go to somewhere you liked you haven't been in a while to make a conscious effort to change it up?

 

Over the years, yeah we've tried different versions of this. Always works for awhile and then we fall back into the same habits. Could be worth another try though, thanks for the suggestion.

 

not super likely. I don't really know anyone haha

 

I was dating my ex for 3.5 years until last October when I broke up with her. I had a feeling through the summer of 2017 that I wasn’t in love with her anymore but wanted to give myself time to see if that was something else (like me being fed up with my job at the time). Turns out it wasn’t and what I really was after — and I found this out retrospectively — was I needed to live as a healthy adult for the first time. I spent so much of my 20’s drunk, depressed and dependent that I never had independence as an adult. So the need for independence is real. You have to just be honest with yourself.

 

sorry to hear that @ChiliTacos

i don't have anything smart or beneficial to add. i will say though, people that i've known or met that have ended up getting divorced that never thought they would all said that in the end it made them (both parties) happier and made life less stressful. some stayed together and tried to tough it out for years, some called it quits within 2-3 years of getting married. i don't know if i've ever personally met someone who got divorced that was unhappy about it, but i know a handful of people that are still married and seem bored / unhappy.

i personally, without having anything close to the relationship length or significance of you and your wife, wouldn't want to be unhappy. and getting divorced doesn't necessarily mean you're looking for someone else to be with. like you said, it's more about experiencing things on your own and growing as a person and seeing and doing new things with no encumbrances.

you certainly don't have to rush into making a decision, but if you find yourself still feeling this way in 2 months, or most of the time over the next two months, you may have your answer.

 

I feel you shouldn't stay with someone because you feel obligated to, it's not fair to you or the other person.

 

I think the thing is most people see divorce as a failure when that doesn’t even really have to be the case. Something not working out isn’t a failure.

 

My parents split and it wasn't great at first but they ended up being good friends ultimately.

 

Well, when you get married, you make vows. When you don't stick to those vows, I see it as a failure.

 

So succeeding would mean begrudgingly staying together?

 

this is a really good point. being divorced is not any kind of defining property

 

depends! Could be possible it’s a weirdly tightly knitted community like you tend to see the same people over and over again at places

 

But you don't exactly have a say in the matter, no one would say til death do we part without being prodded

 

yeah like you always see kaitie at the bar lmao

 

They have her picture on the wall *
* that says please don't serve

 

ftfy

 

I wish my ex-wife had communicated even this much to me before we split lol.

I think doubts are natural, especially when you're in the relationship that you think will last the rest of your life. I would say it's not possible for a long-term commitment to exist without them. That being said, I 100% think you did the right thing bringing it up. I imagine it was an awful conversation to have, and feelings were bound to be hurt. Like I said, I wish my ex-wife would have come out and said that she wasn't happy at some point during the 3.5 years of our marriage, but she never did. By the time she did, it was too late. So I commend you for doing that, it cannot be overstated how important communication is, especially when you're having doubts or feeling uncertain.

Really sounds like you guys were super young when you met and that you never got to experience much else. And people change a lot in their 20's to 30's. It's almost comical how different I am now as opposed to 10 years ago. My ex-wife was 20 when I proposed to her and 21 when we got married. That's super young, and it worked against us. It sucks to say, but some people just want to experience other things that they missed out on. Some couples can beat the odds and overcome those rough patches, so that's not to say that you guys won't. But on the other hand, I think what you're feeling is valid and I would question any relationship that didn't have those ups and downs.

 

There was a point like two years ago let’s just say me and Nina knew the employees at east side a little too well.


Or @dylan favorite story about me sleeping with “Sebastian” forever ago and now he’s a bartender and we see him all the time and I’m like CMON