(Reasons We're Probably Not) Dating Or In A Relationship Thread NSFW • Page 1401

Office Christmas party is coming up and I have to figure out a way to get out of it. Worst part is that it starts before the work day ends so I don’t have an excuse for why I can’t attend the first two hours (3-5) since I’d be at work anyway, but I’d very much prefer to just stay at work and work, which is what I’ll say, and everyone will look at me weird.

What also sucks is that I enjoy everyone I work with and they enjoy my company as well so if I’m not there they’ll notice and text / email me asking where I am and bugging me to show up like they do for every other office event I skip. Makes me almost wish I was disliked or more wallflower-like so they wouldn’t notice if I was there or not lol.

Won’t get treated any differently or shunned or anything the next day, but it’s just obnoxious that person after person will beg and plead for me to go when I just want to stay and work. There’s no way to explain that I like them and like working with them and talking to them but I have no interest whatsoever in doing that when I’m not put in a position where I kind of need to do that.

 

My goal is to move to the coast but I'm in a "screw winter weather it sucks and I'm moving to southern California mood" lol. Tho the coast is still like twenty degrees warmer than here rn so it'd still be an improvement!

I truly don't think I have another winter here left in me after this one. I cant live like this and it's not even as cold as it's gonna get!

 

Ugh, I know. Seattle's pretty mild climate-wise, but it's like 35 degrees here rn and it was 50-55 on the coast. I can deal with rain and storms, I just don't want the cold! Though, San Diego doesn't sound bad at all tbh. lol

 

Idk I feel like I sort of owe everyone an explanation and without getting into it I just really embarrassed myself but she was really, really kind to me and sort of explained beat by beat what I did wrong. She's a sweetheart, I don't think she sees herself that way which is kind of a bummer but so it goes. I don't really have any reason to be upset/sad/angry/disappointed etc. I think (and hope) we will make good friends. It's all good!

 

You don't owe us anything man. Take that stress and pressure off yourself, you'll be good.

 

For sure honestly it's okay.

Basically, I drank on Wellbutrin for the first and had a solid 3/5 of a beer and was pretty drunk (and high too but idk hard to tell what is exactly what when you are "crossfaded") and accidentally sent her some texts I meant to send to a friend that weren't like a big deal on their own but obviously pretty weird. Also didn't realize what I did for two hours or so.

Idk it was extremely embarrassing. I've been kinda looking at it like well, at least I can't embarrass myself more than that ever. We will see. It also seems like she actually genuinely wants to be friends like idk we talked a good bit yesterday. I'm going to give her some space for now but again, we will see. Idk there's more to it than that but that's the summary. Honestly it's all good at this point, it did kinda sting at first and frankly it really shouldn't have even stung at all based on what was said. I'm chilling

tl;dr I wildly jumped the gun but it's all good

 

I once had a girl I had a big crush on sit on my lap while we all hung out on a porch at a party. I was so nervous I swallowed smoke instead of inhaling and when she turned to look at me I legit projectile vomited off of the side of the porch and that's the last time that girl ever talked to me.

So chin up, @Borat, you're a good dude and things will be fine.

 

holy god.

went out for breakfast with friends home for the holidays and learned about Incels. what the actual fuck. the world is a scary place and now i wanna devote the rest of my day to reading posts and watching videos by Incels just to make me lose more faith in humanity

 

long but amazing story that occurred at the end of my trip to the Oregon coast..

So on Wednesday my car died 30 miles north of Portland, about 3 hours away from where I live in North Seattle. I was supposed to start a new job on Thursday, so this was not good. I managed to get it into an auto shop in Woodland, WA. I rolled in at 2:30 and the place closed at 5:30. They basically told me that they were not going to be able to get the part in (catalytic converter) by the end of the day, even though they did everything in their power to do so. I had to get a hotel in Woodland and called my work to let them know that I was not going to be able to start on Thursday. Thankfully, they were very understanding and were ok with pushing the start date back a day (today). One of the guys at the shop gave me a ride 1.2 miles down the road to the hotel where I ended up staying.

Small tangent related to the story. I have a friend who had a couple of 15'4" MacBooks that he had acquired from work (they had been outsourced or something) and he offered to give me one for free, which is very generous. I honestly have no need for a brand new MacBook, I have a PC desktop and laptop and although it's quite a nice gesture, it wasn't really necessary. Whatever, free MacBook, right? Maybe I'll find a use for it.

Back to my night in the hotel. I was super bored so I updated my profile on Tinder and Bumble to state that I was stranded in Woodland for one night and to see if anyone wanted to come hang out, clearly not expecting that to happen because I could be a serial killer for all they know. I did get about 8 matches on Bumble. One girl messaged me "hey!" (why do people still do this?) to which I responded "Before we go any further, did you read my profile?" She said "Which part?" I said "the part where I'm stuck in Woodland for all of one night." She immediately unmatched me, and I 100% don't blame her. Again, serial killer, right?

Then a girl matched with me and the first thing she messaged me was this: "Do you need help? With the car/job thing?"

I was immediately taken aback at the gesture. I told her that her offer was super nice but that I had managed to take care of things for the moment, to which she stated that she wasn't doing anything and that she might as well do something useful. Her profile stated that she had never tried online dating and that she signed up that night because she was curious. She was located 30ish miles south in Portland. There wasn't much to do in the hotel room (WiFi was spotty) except watch Blue Bloods so we just kinda messaged all night. Eventually I told her I had to sleep (it was after midnight). But I still wanted to talk to her, and she mentioned that she would probably just delete the app the next day, when I would hopefully be on my way back to Seattle. So she gave me her number. We both didn't really know what to do, since I was leaving the next day and we lived 3 hours apart.

I had to check out of my room at 11am the next day and the auto shop still didn't have the part. It basically came down to waiting in the hotel lobby or the auto shop, so I just stayed at the hotel. Since I was still stuck, I texted this girl asking her if she wanted to go to brunch. She was surprised but I told her that I was still stranded and it didn't look like I was going to be leaving soon. She was basically like "what the hell, why not? I'm not doing anything right now." The drive from Portland was going to take her 45 minutes. She would pick me up and we'd go to a little coffee shop about 3 minutes away.

She gets there and I throw my stuff in her car. We're both nervous because this is clearly super unusual circumstances. That only lasted a few minutes, as we're both very open people and we messaged for hours the night before. At the coffee shop, we both shared a lot about our pasts and some pretty personal stuff. She was from a small town of 1,600 people in Michigan where 86% of the people share her bloodline. She basically packed up everything and moved to Portland and was having a hard time getting her footing in terms of jobs and whatnot. Makes sense, small town to a big city. At some point, we drive over to a park by the lake and just talk some more. She mentions that she's really passionate about art but that her dad had always discouraged it as being a waste of time with no financial future to it. She basically complied and put all of her art stuff on hold because of this. It made me sad because she showed me a bunch of her sketches and she was pretty talented. She didn't have any professional experience in art and was intimidated by the creative atmosphere of Portland. She said she had been wanting to blog, but her phone and computer were both not very great quality.

Then I remembered that I brought the MacBook and it was in my travel bag in her back seat.

I asked her if she wanted it, and she clearly thought I was joking. I told her that I had no practical use for it and that I would probably just sell it when I got home. She still thought I wasn't being serious and tried to give me like $30 or something, to which I told her that I wanted her to have it because it sounded like she needed it more than me. Plus, she could use it for her art and to start a blog. She started crying in disbelief. I wanted to see her succeed with her art and pursue her passions, and it seemed like this could help.

I got the call from the auto shop that my car was ready. She drove me there and dropped me off. We hugged and I told her that I was so happy that I met her and was able to help her. She was still tearing up. Since then, she has been very active on the Instagram page she has for her art, crafting like crazy. She also started a blog! I told her that that was all I wanted, to see her pursue her art.

Nothing really much to say about that since then. We text here and there and I am following her art and her blog. Still 3 hours away but it's nice to know that we both have a friend in Portland or Seattle should either one of us visit. I can't believe I had such a crazy encounter because I got stranded and she signed up for Bumble that very night. More than just chance, I think.

 

giving her the Macbook for free was a nice sweet gesture


and also a completely idiotic one, even $100 for a laptop is very generous and you could have paid for the part with the money

 

this is awesome! that's a pretty amazing turn of events and wild how that all worked out. if ANYTHING, you have a story and memory that like, no one else in the world (besides her of course) would be able to say they had happen. that's so fucking cool.

 

typical capitalist Ian

 

This story is so pure.

 

The part was $900. My dad paid for it lol. But thanks for the advice

 

That was a pretty sweet story.


Also, if my friend was like "you want a coupla macbooks?" I think I would lose my mind

 

So for the past few months I've started to have some doubts about my marriage. We've been married 5 years, together almost 10. I was 18 when we started dating, she was 19. So much has changed with both of us since then obviously, and I guess I feel lucky that we're still somewhat compatible. But lately I can't shake the feeling that I maybe don't want to spend the rest of my life with her. It makes me feel so shitty to even have those thoughts. I love her, I really do, I just don't know if it's forever. If we just met today, both exactly the same person as we are, I really don't think we'd fall in love and get together. She's done nothing wrong or bad either, and has been an amazing wife. That's part of the reason I feel so shitty/guilty for having these thoughts. I also feel like maybe this is just a phase/I'm overreacting/a quarter life crisis if that's even a thing. I can't make sense of this and I don't know what the next step is.

Sorry, just needed to get that out there.

 

Quarter life crisis is very valid, how often have you felt like this? How long have you felt it this time? I have no miracle answers unfortunately, but I do know you need to be honest with yourself.

 

It's come up here and there throughout our time together, but never enough for me to think I actually wanted out or anything. It was always just like "okay this is just a tough time, but I still wanna be with her and make it work". This is the first time where the feeling has been this strong and for this long (I still flip to thinking I do wanna be with her sometimes, it's not all bad). The other weird thing that makes this feel different is that we're not even going through a tough time or having any real problems. Usually these feelings come up in the middle of a rough patch.

 

And just to add one more thing. I think part of it is me really wanting to be on my own as an adult for at least some period of time. I was 18 when we got together, and we moved in together when I was 19, my first time living on my own. So I never really got that chance to see who I would become as an adult on my own. And now I'm making a huge career/life change (going from corporate sales for the past almost 5 years to going to nursing school), and I just have this urge for a fresh start.

 

You do you, you only get one life. But, also remember the grass isn't always greener.


EDIT: I will add, I feel for you. Finally filing for divorce was one of the hardest decisions I've had to make. I'm typically not an emotional person, like at all, but this whole process has been so emotionally draining and painful.

 

Do you have any regrets about it? What were your reasons for doing it?

 

I can't answer the first one yet. We still live together, I'm just in my own room and have been for a few months now. Part of the divorce agreement was she owes me $xx,xxx amount of money. She doesn't have it, so most likely will have to sell the house to give it to me. We have a 3 year-old so this isn't easy, at all. So we've been meeting with realtors to figure out how we can both move at the same time, and sell the house.

Reasons are plentiful. I mentioned last year I found out she was having an affair. I moved out and lived with my parents for a year (saving to buy my own house). Towards the end of the year we started spending more time, with the kid, family, etc. and things between us we're going better. So I unrelentingly moved back in with her. So I lived with her since around May time, and we hardly have sex, like 3 times a month, if that. And it got less and less frequent towards August/September, to 2 times, and then once in October. It made us both resentful and things started to get nasty. There's more to it, like little things here and there. But at the of the day, I'm not happy. So I told her I'm done.

 

Yeah that sounds unhealthy. I can't say things are that bad between my wife and I. No cheating, we don't fight toooo often, have a decent amount of sex, etc.

 

It sounds to me like you just really want freedom or to experience life on your own, which you never really got to do in your adult life. I think those feelings are normal, especially when you get together with your SO at such a young age. I've seen a lot of couples that were together in high school or college fall apart as they get older simply because they didn't have the experience of being on their own, or with others, or whatever the case may be.

I also think it's completely normal for any long-term relationship and/or marriage (at any age) to lose it's spark or for someone to get the 'what if' thoughts in their head. Relationships - like people - evolve. Things change. Feelings don't always stay the same. But I would not make any decision lightly - because it's a life-changing decision that you may not be able to come back from.

I agree with @colorlesscliche, the grass may not be greener. Or it may be better than ever? Who knows? Every case is different but there's no use of going through life miserable. So if this is something you're truly considering, perhaps have a conversation with your wife to see how she feels? Who knows, maybe she feels the same? Maybe counseling would work? The longer you let this go on, the worse it will be for everyone involved. Obviously it'd be a tough conversation, but your wife deserves to know your true feelings. And it'll just continue to eat at you as well.

 

I actually did bring it up to her last week. She was obviously hurt, didn't totally feel the same but knew where I was coming from. She was glad I did bring it up. I think we're going to revisit in a couple of weeks.