Prestigious Chorus.fm Users "Write A Novel" Thread • Page 2

Alex could feel his heart in his chest. Divine providence had shined down upon him.

"HILLARY CLINTON in MY UBER," his brain repeated.

 

He clutched his quesos.

 

Their eyes locked in the rear view mirror. "Oh crap, I said the loud part quiet and the quiet part loud," he thought.

 

He knew at the very least he had to crop dust her. But why should he have to risk friendly fire on his queso?

 

He clutched the precious queso even closer to his chest.

 

"She risked friendly friendly fire in Gaza" he remembered to himself.

 

He then lifted one cheek off the seat

 

But then he remembered "lizard people cant smell"

 

Slowly clenching things back in---"So, completely normal human question, which part of Earth did you spawn from?"

A terrible squawking sound from the driver's seat interrupted the reversal.

 

Only it wasn't a lizard person, it was an iguana person which it turns out is very different

 

Alex Jones did not know or care that there is a marked difference between lizard and iguana people. All he knew was that Hillary Clinton's husk had control of the wheel.

 

He took out his Razr phone and lifted one cheek back off the seat.

 

Hello the CIA it's Alex

 

"Operation Iguana Tenderloin is under way. Dont tell Mueller."

 

And then he did crop dusted so hard that even an iguana on heroin could smell it.

 

Something was WRONG, Hillariguanabot thought to itself. "My sensors are overloading, begin decontamination protocol"

 

Little did Hillary know that the car was now rigged to explode if methane levels in the car got below 69 parts per cubic foot of air.

 

Agent Alex flipped his Razr shut, satisfied that he'd done the job he'd been tasked with so many months ago. He allowed himself to daydream for a moment. They'd call him the second coming of Gavrilo Princip, his target appearing in front of him by chance after he'd purchased food.

 

By this time his queso was completely spoiled with the smell of his own b hole.

 

There was no time to mourn the fouled queso, though. He needed to make his escape. They'd buy him queso by the gallon once word spread of his heroics.

 

Unfortunately, there was a massive queso shortage.

 

So they had to contact Chipotle about their old Queso recipe.

 

Ingredient 1: Death