Poetry & Lyrics • Page 2

Old Problems -

"I'm a bit ashamed right now
this part of me has yet
to sort itself out.
I think it's best that you've been
cattle prodding my better judgement.

It turns out time can't heal hate-born
piss-poor viewpoints
a wound that motivates me to pause and fix
the ignorance ripping at the stitches

They'll carve this on my grave
to tell the world how I was wrong
but I deserve all of their hate
after saying things were fine for so long

We told you these were obsolescent views
I lied to myself and ignored the truth
these old problems stay
cause all we've done is said they've gone away
and wasted so much time waiting for change

I know our problems could never end with this
after all I've done and said I can't say that I'll be forgiven,
but there's no room our lives now with all the new horrors
we read about to let this shit go on another day."

 

Attic Dreams -

My empty heads
heavy as lead
I drag it on the ground
self damage I still disavow
This shameful year
keeps asking me why I'm still here

What's the point in
Working 9-5 only to find
the money wasn't worth the time
I sacrificed to set up
this paradigm

I praise the pen
and all the wishful
thoughts it's fed
but they fill my room
and push my blood pressure
through the roof

this self-destruction is a part of me
so when you said my time wasn't worth a thing
you crossed the line and made an enemy

"All of your frustration has become a nuisance."
Is a line you use cause I refuse to
live by your excuses
I will not be pressured
towards your lack of passion
I will not agree with you
to give you satisfaction

I'll keep stealing
my sense of meaning
from the silence in the attic
at 2 AM when this old habit
says in 5 minutes you'll have a
piece of pride for disclosure

This empty head
is heavy as lead
I'll carry it around
until I once again rebound
I'll disappear
and haunt this room until next year

 

Apoptosis -

The factory runs again
burning the workers at both ends
and I just claim
I’m not wax
I’m
made of gunpowder
and metals you can’t see
that crave the sparks and fire
framed in lights by those who are free
I’d strike that match and be off
but I still lack resolve
these dreams marked up with red
will stay with me
will stay in my head
a place of little peace
Always contemplating
About how life could be if it were fiction
Written by me

The Factory runs again
failures become frustration
I beg myself
Try harder
Try
to redefine and rework
add value
add worth
when you find life set you aside
because you need more work
I'm flustered but I begin
to peel back the skin
that hides the memories
I couldn't bear to face back then

The sidewalks tell me they can't recount
life before I spent last summer in town
when I strengthened my backbone
patching cracks on paths I've worn down
the stress in the air was diluted by rain
express postage sent by a new hurricane
that gave back my composure by noting
no one knows my name
who found it through pain

 

Like Ice -

I said I'll craft this song to sound like ice
but it came out quite too easily
what does that say about me
I wanted every note to linger on
I wanted you frozen with awe
but those were dreams and not reality

and while these hands did what their told
they left my vision hyper-critical
I saw I was too visible
and now I brace myself for when you see
the part of me that's always struggling
but not enough to make a scene

when it's too cold to snow
the pipes all froze
the humidity upstairs is low
the wood's so dry it cracks
and I can't seem to clarify
how I fill these lungs
with lies that numb
my mind each time these lines spill from
my mouth with eagerness
just to digress
into happier thoughts

The distance widens constantly
from here to where we'd like to be
treading water sounds great
when I'm back-peddling and sinking in
this frozen lake full of mistakes
that I embrace instead of taking
proper care to show I can communicate

cause it's too cold to snow
the pipes all froze
the humidity upstairs is low
the wood's so dry it cracks
and I can't seem to clarify
what I could have done
to fix the hum
that pokes & prods
at my ear drums
just to convey
a point of shame
I hide from everyone

I said I'll craft this song to sound like ice
and all my words poured out transparently
what does that say bout me

 

These four are songs I plan to record into an EP. I already have Demos of each recorded, but I'm afraid I'm going to start recording them and feel disappointed with the quality and keep going back and never finish. Very frustrating.

 

I always read your posts on the old forum and your tumblr and was always super impressed and jealous of your lyricism hahaha (Also now jealous that you are playing shows)

 

Awesome, I totally remember your old name! Haha, good to see you again.

 

Here, In Your Silence. -

I go to bed each night
With your face for reference
In my frame of mind
And with the thought of how,
There's no shared connection
Between the dreams I have of what we were
And the person you're believed to be now
And I thought I looked like someone you could trust,
But it's still nothing more than a beacon of lust

Enough is enough,
I've had it up to here
With this goddamn tragedy
Six years in the making -
Filling my emptiness with this jagged cup,
Ruling over and in every single thought
As if none of them would ever be enough,
But when will enough, finally be a word,
A word to hold valiantly up toward the sky
Like it's the only word that still exists
And the only thing that matters
Inside of this altered reality where all I can see
Is your face, when I go to bed each night.

And after all this pain,
I've learned that I put
Others on a pedestal so high -
Enough could never be enough,
And I know now more than anything,
It is in this silence where we learn how to love.

 

The Last Good Memory

"This is the kind of place you want to have nice memories"
close your eyes
take my hand
(trust you)
guide me to the top
spin me around
open your eyes
the water. the bridge. the skyline. the wind. the beauty.
A kiss.
I wanted you to have a nice memory here.

 

This brought a tear to my eye, it captivated me. Thank you for sharing. It was very vivid and the last line is just one of the kindest things I think someone could ever say or think to want to say to someone.

 

thank you so much!
It very much was a heartwarming moment.

 

The Biggest Heart Of All -


So tell me,
Who has the biggest heart of all?
To raise sky-scraping mountains
And paint every oceans wave
With most of the blue stuck inside veins
Forgetting how to live & prosper
Waiting for a reason to be moved.

Reasoning is ostracized to uncertainty,
Bodies all standing in the same place
Looking for just one moment of bliss.
A blind eye is turned to the scent of
Success in form of shiny lips & sparkles
Playing the role of megalomaniacs,
Hoping for change in a black remiss.

A sense of understanding -
Something that now glows as a lie.
Once in the eyes of perceptiveness
Cohesion was a spectacular now,
But everything has turned to ashes
As the building of our hearts desire
Collides the with the torment of
Another lost sentiment:

Tell the truth/feed into emptiness,
What a choice to make
For the price of deserving to exist.
As if words are going to alter the sunset,
Letting us escape into the nakedness beneath
A dream of mountains that didn't seem so tall -
Maybe days won't be so long,
Maybe we could see other sides of everything
Or maybe, there's a way to re-exist,
Because this is not existing at all.

 

You've got a real knack for closing lines. I mean, the rest is great too, but the closers always make me stop and think.

 

Why thank you, I do very much try to leave people in awe with the last few lines. Appreciate that you noticed!

 

The Other Me -


Stuck in my head,
Stuck in your head
There's nowhere else to be -
Mirroring the absence in your chests.
Call me your friend,
I'll watch you leave again.
Morality inside of a thoughtful soul
That can't be shared with anyone
Never to be known as anything more
Than a conflict to an outside world that
Can't accept a thoughtful soul,
That only wants to know
Why the hell he can't just make sense
Of this natural memoir inside -
Is it this hard to bend and not break?

I'll be doing my part, as it's engulfed in pain
Every inch of the way on this beaten path,
A reflection of the mess
Our half-filled promises have left.
It seems that my rose colored glasses
Only envision this world in flames -
With the feeling of a hydrant in my heart
It's the only hope I have to soften the blow
For when everything falls into the ocean again.

Will it ever make a difference?

 

not sure if this still gets used, but pretty proud of the set i wrote for a new song of ours

"birdwatch":

scribbled circle seeking out
an empty axle on the block
a ticket home, a parking lot
to maim the snow

a track, amok
(to run upon, to guide, to holler
“better off, you’ve got a role, just play the hits, a show’s a show”)

what if you happened on another way
where you cower at monsters banished to your brain
and you step on the ones who hope that you’re okay
cash it, kid, you wrote it, time to go away

a glimpse, a murmur of the form
a pane that reassures you are
a 21
a final boss
an only son

then on the crest, a scenic rise
desert the effigy you’re in
a life arranged
the timer’s on
yeah, nothing’s changed

soak in it, kid, the key is yours today
flora evocative of early May
opt in to marvel at the wide array
on the horizon, clouds are turning gray

a doll of wisdom, nest within
aside if it were up to us
would we complain?
would we endure?
would we remain?

 

Love the last two stanzas a lot, especially the May/gray and complain/remain rhymes. The first’s imagery is really cool and i like the ominous-ness of the second. Cool stuff, man.

 

trying to hold all you writhing forms in for the length of a breath
arms start to move in less scripted ways
visiting quiet graveyards by light of truant day
sway sway sway

be still when you wake to find those arms mine now
lock eyes with betrayal’s sympathetic shape
I’m sorry I had to leave you there asleep

coughing up brain matter
dreaming of the same serious boys
missed prescription window’s rest
and now the window’s bleeding wrong kind of light
I wish you were mine
I wish you were mine
I wish you were mine

I wanna move back to LA and do it all again
balancing north and south-west corners
of the same long large vision in a single frame
I thought I would burst holding up
but I would burst for you

standing outside in culver city
dancer speaks and heart swivels
later in your car I could hold
the whole world in a thought
I wish you were mine
I wish you were mine
I wish you were mine

Sunday fell on a Thursday
dream paralysis woke to an audience
of valley light and stoic grace
fall down down down
on the last ride back
I wish you were mine
I wish you were mine
I wish you were mine

 

Hey boys, what’s your substance?

Oi minister’s son!

“Yeah, Some None of One”

O godless... no...

O Faithless One?

“Naw, None of None.”

Nay, None must be of Some.

Notions as corpses of truth

Propitiation

Notions now corpses of truth

Progress

 

Hi y'all

sorry to post a semi-irrelevant thing here, but I released some songs last month and wanted to post them here

I started writing seriously because of the old poetry forum, and I don't know that I would've ever started writing songs if not for the few people who would comment regularly and provide encouragement and feedback. I was like 15-16 then, and it meant a lot to me.

Anyway yeah songs! lyrics! kbye

 

Also, two recent pieces

I.
A topologist’s wilderness, I’ll follow you anywhere
You end up glued to that hinge on my retina
Let’s go south and invert these conventional landscapes
Telling all in intentional time

Did you know that in summertime our floaters join forces
to archive their history, each lonely heart set aside decade dreams to let the all of them set sail for salient waters in hopes that we hear their distant land cries and think something of beautiful

I think you are beautiful, all of you

Let go and disharmonize, we’ve got two hands to hold adversaries at safe distance and let them tear at each other till nothing remains

Our canceling conflicts
our puzzle piece vision
our quest to completion
Tell me I’m foolish
And I’ll smile and keep going
Till I meet that dead end in the middle of nowhere
You warned me so vigorously
You’re future me, you told me so then

And I’d sink in the water
Become a forgotten wave
And someday perturb a thankless girl’s holiday
Bifurcate all of your decisions away
We’ll be trees in the vineyard,
We’ll stretch on for all of perpetuity
And never know where we are
But sometimes the breeze mails your voice to me,
quietened true

II.
The months passed like flies
I quit counting after a while
but in dark hours, staring down my ceiling
felt you stuck inside like a tangled lock heaving
every step of this distance,
aching, permeated

voice went hoarse in mid-October
came around again humbled, knee deep in grief
I purged you from my body nightly
and in the morning you grew back just the same
shame piled up like blizzard snow
carrying case for unmet hopes

 

spending our dopamine
paycheck to pavement line
kiss in the evening light
stay up for spring
practice until it feels hard
catch up on last year's art
you can't be everything

I keep talking myself up your walls

you keep talking after I tune out
to the beat of vacant nods
in their shelter daydream wild
wonder where we'll find ourselves

what's another year,
what's a lifetime?
what's another year,
what's another?

spending our dreaded days
plateau to refill time
embrace through the dead of night
wake up and weep
fail each try, try again
practice makes permanent
you can't do anything

I keep dreaming they're all here with me

you keep talking after I tune out
to the beat of vacant nods
in their shelter daydream wild
wonder where we'll find ourselves

what's another year,
what's a lifetime?
what's another year,
what's another?

circle around chasing then
lagging behind to ahead

raytracing a spent course
penitent in bed again
hours mark like fretboard
hyperbolic bend
brace until alarm clock
seizures steal the rest
speaking for my shadow
she's changeless

 

Born without a care for time
Had my fair share of abrupt goodbyes
Now realize, not something I should mind

Rode hard and put away wet
Road weary, losing bets
All in with none to blame
Yet still can’t find my name

Wander fleeting from my eyes
Can’t walk the line
Or do the time
Enough to put myself aside

Vagrant minds, know no binds
Wander through life on the dime
Scrimp and scupper, know no crime

Who’d you expect me to be?
Deprived of all identity
Docile, demure or?
Pleased at my hands cupped and quivering?
Displaced as you’ve made me

Divvy myself by the knife
Raise your pieces up against the light
Covet your token
I’m shattered, I’m used
I’m bruised but not broken

I ain’t black enough
I ain’t white enough
I ain’t gay enough
I ain’t straight enough
I ain't jock enough
I ain’t punk enough

I ain’t smart enough
I ain’t dumb enough
I ain’t man enough
I ain’t woman tough enough
I ain’t genderless enough

I ain’t you
I’m barely me
So why force your reality
Of narrow freedom?
Heed your deeds!

Vagrant minds, know no binds
wander through life on the dime
Scrimp and scupper, know no crime

who’d you expect me to be?
Deprived of all identity
Docile, demure or?
Displaced as you’ve made me?

Divvy myself by the knife
Raise your pieces up against the light
Covet your token
I’m shattered
I’m bruised but not broken

I ain’t you
I’m barely me
So why force your reality
Of narrow freedom?
Heed your deeds!

Wander fleeting from my eyes
Can’t walk the line
Or do the time
Enough to put myself aside

Vagrant minds, know no binds
Wander through life on the dime
Scrimp and scupper, know no crime

Deny all identity
Experience over everything
in chains that’d see you live the same

Vagrant Minds
Know no binds
Vagrant minds

 

You won’t
look me in the eyes
When we talk
can’t smile enough
To gain your trust
Copper skinned
Like water to rust
Color regards your trust

They poison the well
In hope that you can’t trust yourself
Condition your adherence to their doubt

They disregard your fear
Beaming ear to ear
With assurance and contempt
You’ve learned to smell

Look me in the eyes when we talk
Can’t smile enough to gain your trust
Inward sunder, I’d grin and bear it
But your deceit melts my teeth

Look me in the eyes when we talk
Can’t smile enough to gain your trust
Inward sunder, I’d grin and bear it
But your deceit melts my teeth

You’ve no right to calculate our worth
In reference to heritage or kin, though we vary within

You’ve no right to calculate our worth
Your fatal conceit, though we vary within

Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!

Content with paranoia
Or paranoid of their intent?

Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!

Content with paranoia
Or paranoid of their intent?

Spectre of history
Soul of the world
Here we remain forever thralled

Look me in the eyes when we talk
Can’t smile enough to gain your trust
Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it
But your deceit melts my teeth!

Look me in the eyes when we talk
Can’t smile enough to gain your trust
Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it
But your deceit melts my teeth!

You’ve no right to calculate our worth
In reference to heritage or kin, though we vary within

You’ve no right to calculate our worth
Your fatal conceit, though we vary within

Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!

Content with paranoia
Or paranoid of their intent?

Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!
Forgive! Forget!

Content with paranoia
Or paranoid of their intent?

Spectre of history
Soul of the world
In spite of chains we heed your call

Audio Quote: “The manifold, self-differentiating expanse of life, with all its individualization and complication, is the object upon which desire and labour operate.”

-Hegel, Phenomenology of Spirit, 1798

Bad faith
Without devotion
Emotion’s just thought that you don’t want

Deference to self
No more cries for help
You’ll only get
Stone faces, fake graces

Coward’s concessions
Don’t begin the cleanse

The sins against my skin you commit
Hell-bent on a world void of difference

We shall overcome today
For we are not afraid today of censure

Stoke your self worth at its source
Against bad faith we must restore
Our sense of unity
Against their silent tyranny

Spectre of history
Fasten our souls to the World’s
Heed our call
Fell their idols, burn their laurels

You won’t look me in the eyes when we talk
Can’t smile enough to gain your trust
Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it
But your deceit melts my teeth!

Look me in the eyes when we talk
Can’t smile enough to gain your trust
Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it
But your deceit melts my teeth!

You’ve no right to calculate our worth
In reference to heritage or kin, though we vary within

You’ve no right to calculate our worth
Your fatal conceit, though we vary within

 

Anger
Dies
In quiet dissent
Often lent
But never spent

Anger
Dies
In quiet dissent
Often lent
But never spent

Plastered saints
Huffing paint
to cover the crack
They swear they never had
they tell you yours aren’t justified
equal scorn, from their eyes

Mirrors shatter
At their glance
Yet “anger has no place in man”
Repent for no fault of my own?
My mind and body ain’t on loan

We fight and fuck
cause that’s our love
We’re not sinners for partaking of
the joys of fears and dearer truths
the same which are forsaken by you

We bite we bite
Cuz that’s our right
mild-manners didn’t serve us well
hell bent on fitting in
Anger saves us once again

Anger
Dies
never lent
ours to spend
we won’t repent

If no one’s right
There’s none to blame
For all their grief caused they’ll dismiss
It’s taken we’re all hypocrites
Doesn’t mean that we can’t bitch

So raise your fists
against their writs
burn their stakes
shred the line of best fit
my anger saves me
my anger saves me

We fight and fuck
cause that’s our love
We’re not sinners for partaking of
the joys of fears and dearer truths
the same which are forsaken by you

We bite
We fight
Our Right

Anger’s our right
Anger’s our right
Anger’s our right
Anger’s our right

We bite we bite
Cuz that’s our right
mild-manners didn’t serve us well
hell bent on fitting in
Anger saves us once again