Old Problems - "I'm a bit ashamed right now this part of me has yet to sort itself out. I think it's best that you've been cattle prodding my better judgement. It turns out time can't heal hate-born piss-poor viewpoints a wound that motivates me to pause and fix the ignorance ripping at the stitches They'll carve this on my grave to tell the world how I was wrong but I deserve all of their hate after saying things were fine for so long We told you these were obsolescent views I lied to myself and ignored the truth these old problems stay cause all we've done is said they've gone away and wasted so much time waiting for change I know our problems could never end with this after all I've done and said I can't say that I'll be forgiven, but there's no room our lives now with all the new horrors we read about to let this shit go on another day."
Attic Dreams - My empty heads heavy as lead I drag it on the ground self damage I still disavow This shameful year keeps asking me why I'm still here What's the point in Working 9-5 only to find the money wasn't worth the time I sacrificed to set up this paradigm I praise the pen and all the wishful thoughts it's fed but they fill my room and push my blood pressure through the roof this self-destruction is a part of me so when you said my time wasn't worth a thing you crossed the line and made an enemy "All of your frustration has become a nuisance." Is a line you use cause I refuse to live by your excuses I will not be pressured towards your lack of passion I will not agree with you to give you satisfaction I'll keep stealing my sense of meaning from the silence in the attic at 2 AM when this old habit says in 5 minutes you'll have a piece of pride for disclosure This empty head is heavy as lead I'll carry it around until I once again rebound I'll disappear and haunt this room until next year
Apoptosis - The factory runs again burning the workers at both ends and I just claim I’m not wax I’m made of gunpowder and metals you can’t see that crave the sparks and fire framed in lights by those who are free I’d strike that match and be off but I still lack resolve these dreams marked up with red will stay with me will stay in my head a place of little peace Always contemplating About how life could be if it were fiction Written by me The Factory runs again failures become frustration I beg myself Try harder Try to redefine and rework add value add worth when you find life set you aside because you need more work I'm flustered but I begin to peel back the skin that hides the memories I couldn't bear to face back then The sidewalks tell me they can't recount life before I spent last summer in town when I strengthened my backbone patching cracks on paths I've worn down the stress in the air was diluted by rain express postage sent by a new hurricane that gave back my composure by noting no one knows my name who found it through pain
Like Ice - I said I'll craft this song to sound like ice but it came out quite too easily what does that say about me I wanted every note to linger on I wanted you frozen with awe but those were dreams and not reality and while these hands did what their told they left my vision hyper-critical I saw I was too visible and now I brace myself for when you see the part of me that's always struggling but not enough to make a scene when it's too cold to snow the pipes all froze the humidity upstairs is low the wood's so dry it cracks and I can't seem to clarify how I fill these lungs with lies that numb my mind each time these lines spill from my mouth with eagerness just to digress into happier thoughts The distance widens constantly from here to where we'd like to be treading water sounds great when I'm back-peddling and sinking in this frozen lake full of mistakes that I embrace instead of taking proper care to show I can communicate cause it's too cold to snow the pipes all froze the humidity upstairs is low the wood's so dry it cracks and I can't seem to clarify what I could have done to fix the hum that pokes & prods at my ear drums just to convey a point of shame I hide from everyone I said I'll craft this song to sound like ice and all my words poured out transparently what does that say bout me
These four are songs I plan to record into an EP. I already have Demos of each recorded, but I'm afraid I'm going to start recording them and feel disappointed with the quality and keep going back and never finish. Very frustrating.
I always read your posts on the old forum and your tumblr and was always super impressed and jealous of your lyricism hahaha (Also now jealous that you are playing shows)
Here, In Your Silence. - I go to bed each night With your face for reference In my frame of mind And with the thought of how, There's no shared connection Between the dreams I have of what we were And the person you're believed to be now And I thought I looked like someone you could trust, But it's still nothing more than a beacon of lust Enough is enough, I've had it up to here With this goddamn tragedy Six years in the making - Filling my emptiness with this jagged cup, Ruling over and in every single thought As if none of them would ever be enough, But when will enough, finally be a word, A word to hold valiantly up toward the sky Like it's the only word that still exists And the only thing that matters Inside of this altered reality where all I can see Is your face, when I go to bed each night. And after all this pain, I've learned that I put Others on a pedestal so high - Enough could never be enough, And I know now more than anything, It is in this silence where we learn how to love.
The Last Good Memory "This is the kind of place you want to have nice memories" close your eyes take my hand (trust you) guide me to the top spin me around open your eyes the water. the bridge. the skyline. the wind. the beauty. A kiss. I wanted you to have a nice memory here.
This brought a tear to my eye, it captivated me. Thank you for sharing. It was very vivid and the last line is just one of the kindest things I think someone could ever say or think to want to say to someone.
The Biggest Heart Of All - So tell me, Who has the biggest heart of all? To raise sky-scraping mountains And paint every oceans wave With most of the blue stuck inside veins Forgetting how to live & prosper Waiting for a reason to be moved. Reasoning is ostracized to uncertainty, Bodies all standing in the same place Looking for just one moment of bliss. A blind eye is turned to the scent of Success in form of shiny lips & sparkles Playing the role of megalomaniacs, Hoping for change in a black remiss. A sense of understanding - Something that now glows as a lie. Once in the eyes of perceptiveness Cohesion was a spectacular now, But everything has turned to ashes As the building of our hearts desire Collides the with the torment of Another lost sentiment: Tell the truth/feed into emptiness, What a choice to make For the price of deserving to exist. As if words are going to alter the sunset, Letting us escape into the nakedness beneath A dream of mountains that didn't seem so tall - Maybe days won't be so long, Maybe we could see other sides of everything Or maybe, there's a way to re-exist, Because this is not existing at all.
You've got a real knack for closing lines. I mean, the rest is great too, but the closers always make me stop and think.
Why thank you, I do very much try to leave people in awe with the last few lines. Appreciate that you noticed!
The Other Me - Stuck in my head, Stuck in your head There's nowhere else to be - Mirroring the absence in your chests. Call me your friend, I'll watch you leave again. Morality inside of a thoughtful soul That can't be shared with anyone Never to be known as anything more Than a conflict to an outside world that Can't accept a thoughtful soul, That only wants to know Why the hell he can't just make sense Of this natural memoir inside - Is it this hard to bend and not break? I'll be doing my part, as it's engulfed in pain Every inch of the way on this beaten path, A reflection of the mess Our half-filled promises have left. It seems that my rose colored glasses Only envision this world in flames - With the feeling of a hydrant in my heart It's the only hope I have to soften the blow For when everything falls into the ocean again. Will it ever make a difference?
not sure if this still gets used, but pretty proud of the set i wrote for a new song of ours "birdwatch": scribbled circle seeking out an empty axle on the block a ticket home, a parking lot to maim the snow a track, amok (to run upon, to guide, to holler “better off, you’ve got a role, just play the hits, a show’s a show”) what if you happened on another way where you cower at monsters banished to your brain and you step on the ones who hope that you’re okay cash it, kid, you wrote it, time to go away a glimpse, a murmur of the form a pane that reassures you are a 21 a final boss an only son then on the crest, a scenic rise desert the effigy you’re in a life arranged the timer’s on yeah, nothing’s changed soak in it, kid, the key is yours today flora evocative of early May opt in to marvel at the wide array on the horizon, clouds are turning gray a doll of wisdom, nest within aside if it were up to us would we complain? would we endure? would we remain?
Love the last two stanzas a lot, especially the May/gray and complain/remain rhymes. The first’s imagery is really cool and i like the ominous-ness of the second. Cool stuff, man.
trying to hold all you writhing forms in for the length of a breath arms start to move in less scripted ways visiting quiet graveyards by light of truant day sway sway sway be still when you wake to find those arms mine now lock eyes with betrayal’s sympathetic shape I’m sorry I had to leave you there asleep coughing up brain matter dreaming of the same serious boys missed prescription window’s rest and now the window’s bleeding wrong kind of light I wish you were mine I wish you were mine I wish you were mine I wanna move back to LA and do it all again balancing north and south-west corners of the same long large vision in a single frame I thought I would burst holding up but I would burst for you standing outside in culver city dancer speaks and heart swivels later in your car I could hold the whole world in a thought I wish you were mine I wish you were mine I wish you were mine Sunday fell on a Thursday dream paralysis woke to an audience of valley light and stoic grace fall down down down on the last ride back I wish you were mine I wish you were mine I wish you were mine
Hey boys, what’s your substance? Oi minister’s son! “Yeah, Some None of One” O godless... no... O Faithless One? “Naw, None of None.” Nay, None must be of Some. Notions as corpses of truth Propitiation Notions now corpses of truth Progress
Hi y'all sorry to post a semi-irrelevant thing here, but I released some songs last month and wanted to post them here I started writing seriously because of the old poetry forum, and I don't know that I would've ever started writing songs if not for the few people who would comment regularly and provide encouragement and feedback. I was like 15-16 then, and it meant a lot to me. Anyway yeah songs! lyrics! kbye
Also, two recent pieces I. A topologist’s wilderness, I’ll follow you anywhere You end up glued to that hinge on my retina Let’s go south and invert these conventional landscapes Telling all in intentional time Did you know that in summertime our floaters join forces to archive their history, each lonely heart set aside decade dreams to let the all of them set sail for salient waters in hopes that we hear their distant land cries and think something of beautiful I think you are beautiful, all of you Let go and disharmonize, we’ve got two hands to hold adversaries at safe distance and let them tear at each other till nothing remains Our canceling conflicts our puzzle piece vision our quest to completion Tell me I’m foolish And I’ll smile and keep going Till I meet that dead end in the middle of nowhere You warned me so vigorously You’re future me, you told me so then And I’d sink in the water Become a forgotten wave And someday perturb a thankless girl’s holiday Bifurcate all of your decisions away We’ll be trees in the vineyard, We’ll stretch on for all of perpetuity And never know where we are But sometimes the breeze mails your voice to me, quietened true II. The months passed like flies I quit counting after a while but in dark hours, staring down my ceiling felt you stuck inside like a tangled lock heaving every step of this distance, aching, permeated voice went hoarse in mid-October came around again humbled, knee deep in grief I purged you from my body nightly and in the morning you grew back just the same shame piled up like blizzard snow carrying case for unmet hopes
spending our dopamine paycheck to pavement line kiss in the evening light stay up for spring practice until it feels hard catch up on last year's art you can't be everything I keep talking myself up your walls you keep talking after I tune out to the beat of vacant nods in their shelter daydream wild wonder where we'll find ourselves what's another year, what's a lifetime? what's another year, what's another? spending our dreaded days plateau to refill time embrace through the dead of night wake up and weep fail each try, try again practice makes permanent you can't do anything I keep dreaming they're all here with me you keep talking after I tune out to the beat of vacant nods in their shelter daydream wild wonder where we'll find ourselves what's another year, what's a lifetime? what's another year, what's another? circle around chasing then lagging behind to ahead raytracing a spent course penitent in bed again hours mark like fretboard hyperbolic bend brace until alarm clock seizures steal the rest speaking for my shadow she's changeless
Born without a care for time Had my fair share of abrupt goodbyes Now realize, not something I should mind Rode hard and put away wet Road weary, losing bets All in with none to blame Yet still can’t find my name Wander fleeting from my eyes Can’t walk the line Or do the time Enough to put myself aside Vagrant minds, know no binds Wander through life on the dime Scrimp and scupper, know no crime Who’d you expect me to be? Deprived of all identity Docile, demure or? Pleased at my hands cupped and quivering? Displaced as you’ve made me Divvy myself by the knife Raise your pieces up against the light Covet your token I’m shattered, I’m used I’m bruised but not broken I ain’t black enough I ain’t white enough I ain’t gay enough I ain’t straight enough I ain't jock enough I ain’t punk enough I ain’t smart enough I ain’t dumb enough I ain’t man enough I ain’t woman tough enough I ain’t genderless enough I ain’t you I’m barely me So why force your reality Of narrow freedom? Heed your deeds! Vagrant minds, know no binds wander through life on the dime Scrimp and scupper, know no crime who’d you expect me to be? Deprived of all identity Docile, demure or? Displaced as you’ve made me? Divvy myself by the knife Raise your pieces up against the light Covet your token I’m shattered I’m bruised but not broken I ain’t you I’m barely me So why force your reality Of narrow freedom? Heed your deeds! Wander fleeting from my eyes Can’t walk the line Or do the time Enough to put myself aside Vagrant minds, know no binds Wander through life on the dime Scrimp and scupper, know no crime Deny all identity Experience over everything in chains that’d see you live the same Vagrant Minds Know no binds Vagrant minds
You won’t look me in the eyes When we talk can’t smile enough To gain your trust Copper skinned Like water to rust Color regards your trust They poison the well In hope that you can’t trust yourself Condition your adherence to their doubt They disregard your fear Beaming ear to ear With assurance and contempt You’ve learned to smell Look me in the eyes when we talk Can’t smile enough to gain your trust Inward sunder, I’d grin and bear it But your deceit melts my teeth Look me in the eyes when we talk Can’t smile enough to gain your trust Inward sunder, I’d grin and bear it But your deceit melts my teeth You’ve no right to calculate our worth In reference to heritage or kin, though we vary within You’ve no right to calculate our worth Your fatal conceit, though we vary within Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Content with paranoia Or paranoid of their intent? Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Content with paranoia Or paranoid of their intent? Spectre of history Soul of the world Here we remain forever thralled Look me in the eyes when we talk Can’t smile enough to gain your trust Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it But your deceit melts my teeth! Look me in the eyes when we talk Can’t smile enough to gain your trust Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it But your deceit melts my teeth! You’ve no right to calculate our worth In reference to heritage or kin, though we vary within You’ve no right to calculate our worth Your fatal conceit, though we vary within Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Content with paranoia Or paranoid of their intent? Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Forgive! Forget! Content with paranoia Or paranoid of their intent? Spectre of history Soul of the world In spite of chains we heed your call Audio Quote: “The manifold, self-differentiating expanse of life, with all its individualization and complication, is the object upon which desire and labour operate.” -Hegel, Phenomenology of Spirit, 1798 Bad faith Without devotion Emotion’s just thought that you don’t want Deference to self No more cries for help You’ll only get Stone faces, fake graces Coward’s concessions Don’t begin the cleanse The sins against my skin you commit Hell-bent on a world void of difference We shall overcome today For we are not afraid today of censure Stoke your self worth at its source Against bad faith we must restore Our sense of unity Against their silent tyranny Spectre of history Fasten our souls to the World’s Heed our call Fell their idols, burn their laurels You won’t look me in the eyes when we talk Can’t smile enough to gain your trust Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it But your deceit melts my teeth! Look me in the eyes when we talk Can’t smile enough to gain your trust Inward sunder I’d grin and bear it But your deceit melts my teeth! You’ve no right to calculate our worth In reference to heritage or kin, though we vary within You’ve no right to calculate our worth Your fatal conceit, though we vary within
Anger Dies In quiet dissent Often lent But never spent Anger Dies In quiet dissent Often lent But never spent Plastered saints Huffing paint to cover the crack They swear they never had they tell you yours aren’t justified equal scorn, from their eyes Mirrors shatter At their glance Yet “anger has no place in man” Repent for no fault of my own? My mind and body ain’t on loan We fight and fuck cause that’s our love We’re not sinners for partaking of the joys of fears and dearer truths the same which are forsaken by you We bite we bite Cuz that’s our right mild-manners didn’t serve us well hell bent on fitting in Anger saves us once again Anger Dies never lent ours to spend we won’t repent If no one’s right There’s none to blame For all their grief caused they’ll dismiss It’s taken we’re all hypocrites Doesn’t mean that we can’t bitch So raise your fists against their writs burn their stakes shred the line of best fit my anger saves me my anger saves me We fight and fuck cause that’s our love We’re not sinners for partaking of the joys of fears and dearer truths the same which are forsaken by you We bite We fight Our Right Anger’s our right Anger’s our right Anger’s our right Anger’s our right We bite we bite Cuz that’s our right mild-manners didn’t serve us well hell bent on fitting in Anger saves us once again