Remove ads, unlock a dark mode theme, and get other perks by upgrading your account. Experience the website the way it's meant to be.

Poetry & Lyrics

Discussion in 'General Forum' started by cut!print, Nov 22, 2016.

  1. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Hello everyone, I wanted to start this forum because of the one that was on absolutepunk, I really enjoy sharing my writing with others, getting feedback, reading others work, and giving them feedback. I know that my work means a lot to me and I hope you all find something in this group like I did many years ago!
  2. journeyproud Nov 22, 2016
    (Last edited: Nov 22, 2016)

    Newbie Supporter

    This Is Where I Leave -

    I'm staring down crossroads again
    With my never ending awe to the wind
    And my back against this wall
    There's a subtle bend,
    But everything mostly just breaks
    As I awake, sick to my stomach one more time
    Created by the void in my heart
    Claiming, screaming out,
    "I don't know how to live my life"

    And if you had the nerve to watch me
    As I break my own bones,
    Making this effort to carry
    The weight pressed upon my chest
    Would you call that falling in love?
    The sun just reminds me of everything
    I've yet to become, and summer,
    She traps me inside of a memory
    That I still haven't learned how to let go of.

    The glimmer, the glamour
    It's blinding me, I never saw you leave
    I don't know what was chosen to believe
    When all I've ever done is my best
    Graciously, I was given a path to forge
    But there isn't an answer as to why
    Straying is in my blood, I tried my best
    And I don't want to try anymore

    And if you had the nerve to watch me
    As I break my own bones,
    Making this effort to carry
    The weight pressed upon my chest
    Would you call that falling in love?
    The sun just reminds me of everything
    I've yet to become, and summer,
    She traps me inside of a memory
    That I still haven't learned how to let go of.

    Everything will be left behind,
    From a steady city to my empty bedroom
    There's so much space,
    And no room at all to breathe
    If life is what we make of it
    Then I want you to watch,
    As I follow through with something, finally.
    This is where I leave
  3. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    The Year Everything Had to Stay the Same -

    I don't feel like talking,
    And I've already said too much
    I hope you feel it when we touch
    The lack of color connected to
    Veins invisible through blurry eyes
    I don't know if it ever did,
    But this just doesn't feel right

    As I feel my ocean escaping yours,
    I see you've found the answers
    That I can't seem to lead myself to
    It's a crushing, lonely defeat
    A shifting war that can't be won
    Settled on beat up thoughts
    Carrying me to an early grave,
    Some days I'd rather not be saved from

    My fight to give up and give way
    Into a bigger picture where the details
    Finally make sense, just keep me safe.
    My words often provoke thought
    Into hearts that can't handle it
    Would I be happier if I said something else?
    Would I be better if I were someone else?
    Talking so much of my head and that shelf,
    I wonder if it was made to be -
    Me and only me
    Inside a space that was meant to grow,
    But the heart inside just can't find a way

    As I depict such a grandeur onto your chest
    There's gotta be a timetable for going on like this
    Ticking clocks, syncing toward the sounds
    Of how much time I have left
    And I don't know how I got this far,
    But I'm sinking and miserable again
    Last year was a reflection of the past
    And a moment to finally start,
    Instead I took every inch and shredded it apart
    Only to continue this wishful thinking that,
    No matter what, I'll get through the hard parts

    A gamble on love,
    A shamble from above the clouds;
    Rain sends a message, but we hide indoors
    Standing next to an island with no chairs,
    Always remember that I cared.
  4. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    When the Sky Broke -

    I'm always alone when I'm with you
    Whether it's just the two of us
    Or inside of a crowded room
    Please, just tell me no
    Leave and never return
    We'll see the sky break
    Into the atmosphere
    As our history finally dies,
    But only inside my head
    The place where it still resides
    A collection of unanswered questions
    That'll carry me to an early grave,
    But at least I know
    That when you told me to leave,
    I stayed.

    That's what true love means to me
    For you to understand this,
    That is my one last wish

    So when I asked you to stay,
    All those years ago now
    And you left me within paper walls
    To sort my shit out
    Carried away in the nothingness
    That will eventually consume us all
    As I leave you with these words under my breath,
    "Maybe I just need to be alone
    And I finally understand that,
    For once"
  5. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Glow -

    Were we always dependent on the sun?
    And is it selfish to think,
    "I have to accept that I have the ability
    To figure out the choices I need to make,
    Then I can begin to understand who I am?"

    It all gets set aside again
    As sight is lost to the taste
    Of winter on my breath
    Basking in the glow
    Of a perfect afternoon
    Blurred vision in the eyes
    Of another stormy rain
    I have no sense of direction
    In my head or otherwise,
    This ship cannot be steered
    By a man who chooses not to live.
    Those two months of Summer,
    A light in my eye changed the way I felt
    Just enough, to understand that when I blink
    I'll already know that none of it was ever real
    Oh god, I need something real

    Because these fucking nights
    Where I stay awake, counting ways
    I could convince myself to give up on everything
    They're all I've got left.
    So I'll breathe again, it's been awhile
    Maybe I'll shake this endless obsession,
    To become a semblance of this ideal
    Constructed of the most cryptic
    unanswered questions
    That I preach, but cannot capture
    Tied to a lock of titanium -
    My life has to be more than just an essence
    Of looking for a weightless key.
  6. waterloobeam


    Hey just leaving you some love because this post was ignored. Good writings, good writings.
    cut!print and jorbjorb like this.
  7. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Thank you good sir, you just made my night. Seriously.
  8. ImAMetaphor

    absence 8/20/21 Prestigious

    Poetry thread! I've always loved writing, but have recently become really invested in writing poems and pretty much fallen head over heels for it. I'd love to see this thread get some more attention!

    Here is a short one I wrote about a year ago

    Baby Marshmallows

    My little teacup is full of the universe
    and I will drink it up
    Inhale stars and planets
    like baby marshmallows

    I like to pretend that I'm God
    and my will
    shall be done
    as long as I don't
    spill it out
    or spit it up
    cut!print likes this.
  9. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Awesome, thank you for posting! Hopefully this will grow into something.

    I love your piece, it has a very light feel to it especially with the use of marshmallow metaphor and then, it guts you in the last verse. Leaves a lasting effect on me. Your imagery is also fantastic throughout, very good work. Thanks again for posting. Makes me happy to share my work with others, but most people don't get it.
    ImAMetaphor likes this.
  10. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    good idea reviving this thread; i remember wanting to save a few i saw on AP but never got around to it

    i really like this, especially from "and i've" through "we touch." can't really describe why from a critical standpoint, but it resonates with me personally

    agreed with cut!print; reminds me of a Bukowski poem
    cut!print and ImAMetaphor like this.
  11. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    here's a song i wrote that i'm currently trying to write music to. the opening lines i've had for years and then one day a few weeks ago the rest just poured out. sometimes you've just gotta wait on it, i suppose. in my head i use matt skiba's voice haha

    Some things shouldn't see the light of day
    the truth is i’ve been just too afraid
    we still stand accountable for the things that keep us awake
    and all sit tight for better days
    for lives filled to the brim with heartache
    our vices are the vessels in which we send our souls away

    i feel the arcades retreating deeper
    i felt every centimeter
    my blood grew so hard and heavy at the thought of your delay
    we chose the method of our eviction
    write me a song with more conviction
    i can't afford to let you know
    for now these vices will lay low

    young heathens, still learning, aren't we?
    my recollection’s been a bit hazy
    it’s relief, it's relief, oh i miss that feeling,
    the calm before the warmth
    my muse is mine alone,
    but the matches we burn now aren't my own
    flood the room with red light and acetone
    we held tight waiting for the smoke

    but it was a slow burn, we waited
    for the moon to peak out through the roof
    this night never felt quite right
    the sky was the wrong shade of blue
    but our fate is quick and unjust, you are summer rain
    we don't search for senseless meaning,
    the bats will echo our names

    and like clockwork, the moon was the last thing we saw
    with a black fox as our only witness
    laughter haunted the dark
    and i remember
    your starlit naked shoulder
    giving way to the glow of the ember
    and the heat, as it crept on closer
    you sang

    Some things shouldn't see the light of day
    the truth is i’ve been just too afraid
    we still stand accountable for the things that keep us awake
    and all sit tight for better days
    for lives filled to the brim with heartache
    our vices are the vessels in which we send our souls away
    cut!print likes this.
  12. ImAMetaphor

    absence 8/20/21 Prestigious

    Thank you both so much! I really appreciate it.

    @js977, I enjoyed reading through that piece. Your opening and closing stanzas are quite effective in particular. It will definitely make for good lyrics.
    cut!print likes this.
  13. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    thanks a lot! also much appreciated. i've got about an album's worth of material that i'm happy with but i'm new to recording so that's on the to do list.
    ImAMetaphor and cut!print like this.
  14. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Yeah, I myself was making a rhythm to it, it flows very stream of thought. Similar to how I write, I think. The chorus at the end was haunting and held more conviction than the first time it was read, I like that.
    js977 likes this.
  15. journeyproud Mar 7, 2017
    (Last edited: Mar 7, 2017)

    Newbie Supporter

    The Hard Parts -

    But the moon, she hangs in the balance
    From dusk till dawn, I'm alone in thought
    Brushing dust off this old notebook,
    Said I left that heart behind, but we can't escape
    The things that make us who we are
    As musical notes bounce off pages,
    I'm home for more - sure I've aged a bit
    But I'm better than I used to be,
    Spent everyday dreaming of that moon
    Hanging in the balance of all we could have
    "I'll see you someday, maybe soon."

    Mocking the very question
    I'm afraid to ask allowed,
    Unsure if I can take the quiet pain -
    It's all the same.
    Swallowed whole, down to the bottom
    Of your disease, I sink. It's all I could do,
    I did nothing else.
    My hands were cut like yours, still,
    You never had a thought of something more

    So hang me up, next to the brightest star
    In the blue of my chest,
    All I ever gave was my best,
    But the moon, she gave me away,
    Into the night I will perch on my window sill
    Just begging for the light to come back in

    Sunshine, sunshine,
    "The grass is greener than this emptiness"
    But I let it go to my head
    Because my heart can't handle it:
    A balancing act between every fiber of my being
    And an idea baselined through imaginary things
    I'll wait right here, until a reason comes to exist
    Just like that moon, but we can't see in the dark.
    A life lived alone is not a life lived at all,
    But they never gave us a way,
    A way to get through the hard parts.
  16. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    thank you! i'm glad it comes off like that. i can't wait to have it down musically.

    i think The Hard Parts is my favorite of the ones you've posted. progresses very cleanly, and there's a handful of lines that just stand out to me for their elegance, between the word choice, flow, and rhythm in my head, i.e. lines 3-8 first stanza, 5-7 in 2, 5-6 and 9-11 in 4
    cut!print likes this.
  17. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Thank you! Much appreciated, I did feel that this one took on a different nature than some of my other work. I guess that's what happens when you don't right for months and the write again haha, my writing has changed because I have. Everything else I posted was just stuff I had. This one is fresh off the press! I appreciate your compliments sir!
  18. nfdv2 Mar 28, 2017
    (Last edited: Mar 28, 2017)

    Trusted Prestigious

    the earthquake was pretty no-nonsense
    it came and took apart the aged and patched-up fastenings we would lay on top of
    on midsummer nights
    overly still from tension
    the heat dancing around our forms then merging in ways of memory
    until we'd fall into a guarded sleep
    the fear finally separated into dream tones

    and in color I saw the space where sight and love and abstraction coalesce before they grow up and leave your mouth dull and bitter
    the stark of your eyes enters mine and pulls away again
    turning every pixel of presence through for the images you once formed back when we were so different

    fragments of former friends' lives
    local news headline in North Carolina
    the bliss in his trash he steps on and then off just to take with his eyes what he can't or he's fucked
    in a month you'll be twenty-two and further decomposed
    in a month I surpass your fixed head start
    as some no one weeps for absence in altered time

    at four in the morning
    the glow of worlds through holes in foliage
    confessing lifetimes of sin to all those who never existed
    wonder what it feels to have life taken
    wonder what it feels to have taken life
    wonder if you're still around
    Ugly Mug, js977 and iCarly Rae Jepsen like this.
  19. nfdv2 Mar 29, 2017
    (Last edited: Apr 2, 2017)

    Trusted Prestigious

    turned that thing into a song:

    suuuuper rough but w/e
  20. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    i dig it; really like your voice too
    nfdv2 likes this.
  21. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    well don’t we look good, we’ll never change
    and if love could age like wine, we wouldn’t forget

    I’ve found breaking relieves the stress,
    like the wind in the park masks the chill in your breath
    We condensate, we are clouds, we slip out of the air
    Like ice on the windshield when the heat's phasing out,
    or dew on the grass when the sun goes down

    Every single day has been a drop
    Every single day has lifted us higher up
    But rather than sit along the edge and enjoy the view
    We have to drag it out, i have to watch you move

    and oh how you move
    and how quickly you forget
    has it been that long? does today hurt less?
    but it's still a work in progress, much like
    a child's eyes on christmas, looking out
    at green streaks across the snow
    how you used to look at me
    i'd still sweat under the sheets, so i choose to freeze

    Here's to us
    Drink up
    What happens next depends more on our fate than luck
    Fill her up
    With dust
    Because we've drained the well and rusted out our love

    maybe one day we'll be able to look back at ourselves and say "you know, I think we did ok”
    Ugly Mug, cut!print and nfdv2 like this.
  22. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Spectacular piece! It flows very stream of thought and does not skip a step, the second verse especially carried me away into a different universe as I was reading it. Great metaphors and linking everything back to the story at the end. I'm very impressed.
  23. journeyproud

    Newbie Supporter

    Just wanted to say thank you for everyone for posting in here and finally getting this going a bit, please feel free to ask questions, request feedback, talk about inspirations, favorite artists, etc.

    Writing poetry, Including the ones who turn it into music, because lyrics are poetry. These are lost arts and very under appreciated in this world. In the old thread on AP, I actually became a better writer from sharing and talking to others in their. Sure, harsh criticism can suck sometimes... but it ultimately gave me the tools I have to write the way that I do. I'd like to see if things could maybe be like that again in here.
    Ugly Mug, js977 and nfdv2 like this.
  24. nfdv2

    Trusted Prestigious

    i posted a lot in the old forum when i was 15 and 16 (i was saddr weirdr), and i honestly do not think i would have started making music if not for that forum. it shaped the way i write and relate to/interact with lyrics, helped me think analytically about attributes like flow/imagery/meter/phrasing and learn to critique myself effectively, and later made me want to explore delivering stories through music. now i write songs and play shows and it's sick and none of this would have ever happened if not for everyone who posted there and gave me their time and energy and kindness. very grateful to those people and am glad to see familiar faces again. i always feel a little bit presumptuous giving unprompted feedback but if anyone wants their stuff critiqued, i would be happy to.
    cut!print, Ugly Mug and js977 like this.
  25. disambigujason

    Trusted Supporter

    thanks a lot dude, makes my month to hear that. really really appreciate it.
    cut!print likes this.