Pinegrove - Skylight (September 28, 2018) Album • Page 36

I hear that, but I guess I don't really understand her comments as praising him. She's saying she'll continue working with him, which, yeah, is implying that she supports him and wants to be involved in his work... but that's the part that I feel like is her own decision to make. She isn't telling other people to support him, she isn't telling other people to ignore his abuse, she's just saying, "Yeah, I'll work with him, for sure."

 

She’s allowed to make this decision, but I find it surprising and disappointing given what I previously thought about her and what I know about this situation. I’m obviously not as close with Evan as she is, but I have a clear enough picture of this situation to have had shrugged it off before realizing the full scope of it, all of which was before Evan’s weird gross statement

Based on Nandi’s history I had assumed she wouldn’t publicly stand with Evan, but people have blind spots for people they care about most, and I can accept that. But it doesn’t make me feel good about Nandi and it does disappoint me. I’m also not even saying she has to isolate herself from him, but I don’t understand publicly praising him

I also think the question was asked as like a weird gotcha thing and shouldn’t have been asked, but I am still displeased with how she responded

 

if she's standing by him and feels positively about him and has no qualms with collaborating with him and stuff, would y'all rather not know this than have her pretend it's not the case?

 

I think it’s okay to stand with your friends as long as you’re holding them accountable and they’re taking the correct steps to improve as a person.

I know nothing about the situation though.

 

I was pretty taken back by the immediate responses too but talked through it and voiced my opinion and had a discussion and totally understand more clearly what the issue is

 

People seem to be ignoring the “figuring out how re-emerge in a respectful way” comment. Not saying it makes it okay but to me that goes along with what you are saying a bit.

 

I would rather know, but that’s because I personally don’t want to support her financially anymore because of it

I agree, but that’s not how I interpret her answer here. I interpret it as being willing to work on and publicly release more music with him, not being willing to help him to reckon with his actions

 

That's a good point too. Probably lots of people in the scene who privately support people we would otherwise hate people for defending. I'd rather it be in the open i think.

 

i am very fine with someone privately helping out a friend of theirs, people do need support. i don't see a problem with nandi privately supporting evan through his treatment.

 

I’ve seen one instance so far where I was comfortable letting someone who had been accused of abuse back in, and that was the situation with Malcolm London and BLED Fest. I’m that case, he went through a clear accountability program that he stuck to and had consent from his victim to return to his platform. Short of that, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable

 

i mean, we sort of knew that was happening. they weren't just going to reappear.

 

Definitely. I hate the notion that people accused of wrong doing should be abandoned and anyone who doesn't abandon them is a piece of shit too. It's way more complicated than that. People who defend them, yes fuck them. People who enable them, fuck them. People who genuinely want to help their friend get better and hold them accountable while still being there for them? I think it takes a strong person to not give up on someone you love. It takes a strong person to walk away from someone you love too. It's the people who make excuses, who defend them, and let them get away with shit that we need to worry about.

 

I still don't understand the full scope of this. All we have is a statement from Evan, which is apparently unreliable. Has he actually taken steps to learn from and prevent what he did from happening again? Can there be reasonable proof that he has completed these steps? Is there a way for someone who has abused their platform in the past to show progression and change to the point they can return to their platform? I'm all for helping people become better and improving these toxic music scenes, and there are very few guidelines towards responsible rehabilitation, education, etc. in these situations. Andthere are actions so egregious, or so frequent, that would make it impossible for a person to establish any sort of trust and be brought back to a position of power, but the foggy nature of this particular incident makes it especially difficult for me to understand what is being done, and what can be considered adequate for them to have any sort of return.

 

im still really confused on what people know and dont know in this whole thing

 

This is where I’m at. It’s not exactly my business but it’s hard to kinda wrap my head around fully without knowledge I guess?

I obviously stand on the victims side but the thing with Evan is confusing.

 

Based off of what people who seem to know the victim are saying in this/other threads, releasing the album and coming back out is going against the victim's wishes.

Whether or not Evan is getting treatment/the validity of his initial comment/what they will do next is a bit irrelevant if that first sentence is true, imo. Hope the dude is seeking treatment. Hope moreso that the victim is comfortable with whatever steps are happening, and that doesn't appear to be the case based off of people I trust on this site. That sucks.

 

Regardless of all of this, there needs to be stronger mental health support in the music community. For victims and for abusers. And for people dealing with mental health issues that don't involve abuse too. It's a huge issue in the scene and there's not enough access to professionals who can navigate these things bettere than a bunch of fans/ex fans can. I know there are some outlets out there for this but not enough and none that are highly publicized. I truly strongly believe a stronger connection between mental health care and the music scene will benefit everyone. I'm talking professionals who exclusively deal with musicians and music communities

 

nothing has been said by the band (other than this "statement") since evan's first statement. there is nothing to go off of other than the fact that he admitted abuse

 

Gotcha. I wasn’t sure if I missed a follow up statement or anything like that.

His initial statement wasn’t..really good so I guess that’s where some people are kinda falling off with the whole thing

 

And tried to wrest control of the narrative away from the victim. Gonna take a lot for me to ever feel comfortable having this dude’s voice in my ears after that, personally.

 

Also, re: Nandi, as has been said above there’s a difference between private and public support of abusers. It’s fine when you support them privately, to assist them in getting the help and rehabilitation they need, but public support with zero indication from the abuser or the victim that any progress has been made is a bad look, no two ways about it.

 

This makes sense to me in a way that some of the previous posts didn’t, but now I understand lots of the other viewpoints expressed within the past couple hours. Thanks for explaining it this way.

 

Thanks for everyone’s words and stuff.

It’s a lot easier to come here and read everyone’s thoughts and learn that way then something like twitter.

 

This news and the Datsik situation. Not good.