Pinegrove - Skylight (September 28, 2018) Album • Page 20

I'm sincerely hoping all men -- in this sphere of the music world and beyond; fan or artist -- are considering the ways they have either directly or indirectly contributed to toxic masculinity culture. I know I am.

 

Josh Coll from Foxing also seems to be indicating there is more to the story.

 

Companionship != Sexual flings. If that girl in the crowd likes you more because you're in the band, then get her number, take her out to dinner, whatever. It's not an invitation to coerce someone into sleeping with you.

 

Men also aren't taught consent or that it's okay for women to turn them down, this is an important step in changing things

 

Alright, I'm not trying to be a dick because how you feel is how you feel but...is this not natural? Of course, sexual attraction is not the ONLY reason people do what they do but...don't people want the opposite sex to like them? Isn't that a small degree of why people go the gym? Or eat well? Or pick up a guitar? Or buy nice clothes to wear out?

I've hesitated jumping into any conversations recently because it's really like walking on eggshells but...I just don't even understand what is going on anymore.

 

bc he said the FB comments are garbage?

 

sexual education has utterly failed men as a whole. probably because it was designed by men

 

There's a difference between self betterment and doing something with the aim of wanting more people to lust after you and there are times I've felt worryingly close to the latter thing. It's a weird area to navigate and that's all I'm trying to say really

 

Maybe I’ve missed it but can someone point me to this speculation? Like, was there some sort of assault or non-concentual act or something?

 

no one has officially come forward yet, but its coming.

 

Looks like he deleted it, but he had tweeted something about there being more to it.

 

You're right. It's certainly a gray area

 

if you are gonna take the dumb ass route of making a facebook post, you need to keep your dumb ass fans in check who cant fathom their favs doing something wrong and make dumb ass comments.


this is one of many reasons why you should not make a social media post in these cases.

 

It's definitely natural to an extent, I feel. I'm just saying that sometimes it's hard to see the line between what is normal and what is creepy and over the line, which I think Evan was.

 

On the bright-side the victim is anonymous which means they can't be publicly attacked or questioned.

 

Agreed. “file under: keep this shit to yourself”. You’re not the only person to fantasize about others, but....there’s a reason you don’t tell them?

 

and people wonder why victims dont want to come forward

 

Well that post gots me confused.

All I can say is that if you are looking for sex under the guise that you are looking for more, that's messed up. If you're using your status as a musician with lots of fans and doing it a lot, that's pretty shitty and you should stop. I have no idea what the real story is here.

Also what kind of rehabilitation is there for this kinda thing? Like... what mental health professional deals with these sorta things?

 

Thread

 

I’m reserving judgement until I hear some allegations. I understand if people don’t want to come forward because it’s their lives and I’m not entitled to know exactly but idk what I’m supposed to do about that as a fan. If he’s sleeping with people consensually I don’t really know where to draw the line. Whole lotta grey area.

 

After reading some reactions on Twitter, I'm wondering if such a thing as a "good" or even just "acceptable" statement in situations like this exists. Also wondering about my own bias in immediately believing that Evan's is in fact good.

 

I've wondered this too. Like, idk how rehab is going to better help someone understand more fully the parameters of consent or power imbalances or whatever. Do therapists cover that sort of ground?

 

mehhhh I'd back off that point entirely. Don't start a band because you want sex? Start a band because you wanna make music. A lot of people do that but that is born straight out of the idea that "being in a band = you can expect sex". I don't see how it isn't?

Or like you said, getting a job. Sure, increasing your financial standing increases your attractiveness because it shows that you take care of yourself and can achieve your ambitions... but that's not why you get a better job. And if it is then you're operating off of an expectation still, the premise of "I expect sexual attention because I make good money."

I mean there's nothing wrong with like, putting on an outfit or a hairdo that represents you before you go perform. But if that's an end goal and not just a spontaneous, passionate circumstance, that just lends itself to a person using their position to manipulate people. Or at the very least, believing they are entitled to successful encounters because of their position.

 

I've found myself thinking "works for me" after reading a statement, only to go on here or twitter to find out the statement is actually bad. I guess it's a learning opportunity for everyone.