New Girl (FOX) TV Show • Page 25

I just started this show for the first time like a month and a half ago - now I'm onto season 4. Seriously one of the funniest shows I've ever seen; some scenes I'm just howling with laughter, having to pause and laugh for a good five minutes before resuming

 

I mark down my favorite moments and quotes as I go along (as I'm sharing them with a really attractive lady at my work who told me to start watching the show); here's all I have through the beginning of season 4

At Christmas party trying to leave, but running into glass walls (I feel like a bird!)


“I’m going to miss you man” “huh, why” “Going to miss you when your family leaves for the next village” (Winston has feather in his ear)


Staring down a coyote/wolf, Jess goes “Beep beep”


Schmidt to Winston: “Look what we’ve given to this country - jazz, the management of jazz musicians”


Schmidt: “Winston told me you guys make fun of one of my gremlin toe nails, that you call them clickity clacks, or centaur boots”


Schmidt: “I’m a squirrel, you’re my nut; winter’s coming, I’m going to store you in my cheek gurl”


They huff balloon air; Nick says his Dad died, and after a moment they say “we’re sorry” in chipmunk voices


Schmidt trying on a suit for Nick’s father’s funeral: “Look at all these buttons Winston, I look like a remote control”


Cece: “I think Schmidt is on drugs” - Jess: “You remember how hard he took it when Lance got busted? He just stared at that yellow bracelet and cried”


Schmidt to Nick: “Did you crack my email password? How did you guess ‘smithereens’”?


Jess on Nick’s Phone: “Minutes Nick? You still have minutes??” Nick: “I bought 10,000 minutes in 1999 and I’m still using them”


Jess, about things that could break her and Nick apart: “Well, I’m afraid of pears, and pear shaped people”


Nick about Schmidt: “After he saw the movie Titanic, he started the ‘Billy Zane Fan Club’; look it up, they’re called the Zaniacs”


Trying ways to get Nick...excited, Jess paints her entire face blue: “Papa Smurf? Really?” - Nick: “Oh yeah, whole body”


Jess: “Are you sure this will work?” - Nick: “Oh yeah, just do it” - Jess then punches his face hard, and then screams loudly


Nick talking about his feelings to Jess: “I really like the cello. It’s like a guitar that stands up”. Camera then shows Schmidt with a confused look on his face


Schmidt, attempting to stop Nick and Jess being together, grabs all his condoms and cuts them all: “It’s raining celibacy, hallelujah!”


Nick received $8,000 from his Dad - Jess: “I’ve never seen somebody burn through money so fast. I mean, look at these shoes, some of these aren’t even his size”


Jess to Nick: “Did you start a corporation? Fat Face?” Nick: “Uhhh, yes” Jess: “You’re getting taxed like crazy” Nick: “I thought I was filing a patent”


Jess: “it’s bobby pins! Not Bobby’s pins!”


Nick, confronting Schmidt about Michael Keaton: “Schmidt, I’m Michael Keaton. I’m the owner of the email address keatonpotatoes@aol.com”


Jess and Cece about Batmobile; Cece: “It’s Batmobile” - Jess: “Batmanmobile” - Cece: “Batmobile”


Schmidt to old roommate Coach: “So you and Melia broke up?” - “Ahhh yeah, she got real fat on me, so I was like ‘Hell, bye’” - Jess: “Haha, well I guess her gain is our gain, hahaha”


Flashback to Coach and Jess’ two weeks together: Coach: “We got Bin Laden!” - Jess: “Seal Team 6 bitches! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!”


Jess about Nick: “Yesterday, I had to tell him not to pull a dog’s tail. I should not have to tell him that”


Jess about Nick: “I found a note in his room that said ‘Put on pants’, followed by a question mark’”


Jess to principal: “I asked the kids to draw what they thought the ocean looked like, and I got a lot of stuff that looked like this” - Principal: “Is that a bagel with wings and eyes?” Sees another picture: “A shark with legs? That’s not even anatomically close to correct” - Another: “that’s just a square”


Winston and Nick at house of lady who found his cat; Lady: “I’m paint” - points to wall - “It’s a boat” - Winston: “Oh I can see it’s a boat” - Nick then squints harder to see if it’s really a boat


Everybody out camping; Cece and Winston talking about how they hate camping; - Winston: “Whenever I want to do something they don’t give a hoot” - flashback to Winston speaking to everybody in the loft: “Guess who just got passes to a pottery seminar!” Everybody else: “Winston! Get out of here!”


Old drunk guy at the bar, to the whole group: “You know, one of the best career choices of the future? Driveways!....you’re welcome”


Cece to guys at the bar: “You guys, she has no idea about the party” - all guys start cheering loudly, and then Jess looks over to them, and to explain the cheering Nick says to Jess “Uhh Winston is STD free”; they cheer more and Winston goes “Wooo, that was a close call, ha ha, yeahhh, ha...ha...close call y’all”


Winston to Nick on the phone, regarding Jess’ birthday: “How’s your plan working out?” - Nick: “Ok I have no plan, I’m just winging it, ok? I panicked and took her to a drug store, she’s getting a free diabetes test” - camera then shows Winston slouching and burrowing his eyebrows


Jess finds the birthday table in the park, thinking it’s for her, so sits down and eats a cupcake, before the kids show up


Schmidt, talking about Nick’s pants: “Nick, are you wearing cargo pants? You’re going to wear those to an A-List party? Hey guys, how are we going to transport this cargo? Oh wait, we have Nick’s pants, we’re saved”


Jess, in limo to go to Prince’s party: “Hey look, I’m in a limo, I wish I had really long legs so I could stretch them out the length of the limo”


Jess in limo: “Did Nick just say he loves me for the first time? Did I do finger guns back??” - Cece: “Yeahhh you did”


Jess: “I did not steal your boyfriend”. - Caroline: “Timeline, now” - Jess: “Ok, um, you and Nick break up; London has a great Olympics; uh oh, trouble in Syria; board up your windows, super storm Sandy; hey, over here, me and Nick get together”


Cop to Coach about Winston’s entrance exam, in reference to Winston saying he didn’t do the back half: “The test is administered on a computer, there is no back half”


Jess’ sister Abby to Jess: “Last time I saw you day drinking was when you got kicked out of jazz ensemble” - Jess: “I’m still pissed off about that; what does that mean, ‘too enthusiastic’?”


Jess, speaking at Winston’s ‘Honeyroast’: “Nick Miller, he calls birds ‘wind mice’” - Nick: “Think about it”


Nick in sauna with Schmidt: “I’ve trying to stay fit after the breakup; I’ve been eating salads, you know, no dressing, mostly just the protein” - Schmidt: “What kind of salads you been eating?” - Nick: “Little chopped up pieces of ham” - Schmidt: “Just the ham?” - Nick: “Yeah; I don’t like the lettuce, I think it’s gross to eat, stuff that’s already green” - Schmidt: “Well look you know, baby steps” - Nick: “It’s not baby steps, there were some pretty big pieces of ham, huh huh”


Schmidt at school dance, watching over the food table, as one kid grabs a ton of donuts: “Alright kids, lets use the serving tongs, this isn’t Appalachia”


Jess to Cece, about school dance: “I can’t calm down, I want this to be perfect” - Cece: “I know but it’s too late for that, ok, there are kids doing their homework in there, it’s bleak” - then a sullen look on Jess’ face


During rap battle at school dance, Nick takes the mic and yells “Anybody here from Chicago?? Big show big dreams!” .......silence.....”That would make sense, you guys go to school here, you’re just kids so you’re all from here”


Winston then takes the mic, spits some bars, then raps, “When I say mis, you say trial! Mis!” - quiet response from the kids “Trial...” - Winston: “I said when I say mis, you say trial! Mis! Unless you trying to die!” - Jess tilts her head with a confused look on her face


Everybody at the wedding, Winston is telling Jess the strategy to get the Best Man: “Do you want to know my strategy Jess? Be there. Just be there. No matter where he goes, be there. He gets a drink? Be there. He talks to his friends? Be there. At the end of the night, be there. It’s called the Joe Biden.” - Coach: “That’s creepy man”


Schmidt: “If pot were a piano, Nick would be a 9 year old Chinese girl”


Schmidt wants to get the Sponge account at work; commercial plays at end of episode and actor calls the sponge “Spongy McWipey”

 

“I feel like a bird” is one of my all time favorite quotes.

Just wait until you get to season five. There’s a Jess and Cece centric episode that happens to be one of the series’ best. I miss this show.

 

"Nick's in jeans!"
"What's Nixon Jeans? They sound cool!"

 

It’s not really a punchline, but this exchange from that s2 Halloween episode kills me every time

Robbie: Hey, Lincoln, right? Man, that’s awesome. You know, I was just thinking about Lincoln today.

Schmidt: Yeah, Robbie. We all were.

 

This is due for a rewatch

 

"Advertising is a dog drinking beer, a fat moron falling down the stairs, a snot-nosed brat kicking his rapping grandpa in his testicles. I am in marketing, Winston, the backbone of capitalism. Without it, you’d be dead in two days.”

I use this one A LOT, haha.

Anyway, one of my favorite shows of all time still, but I felt like that last seasons wasn’t necessary, they wrapped it up well enough at the end of the second to last season.

 

i only call them bobbyspins

 

have I mentioned in here that my dog's name is Nick Miller

 

Just got through the meth episode in season 4; I haven't laughed that hard in a lonnnggg time. Seriously, I was howling with laughter. Used an entire napkin to wipe away all my tears. Just an incredible episode all around

 

"every day you show me in your own way how you care about me like when you pick up rubber bands on the sidewalk"
"for your ponytail!"

 

when they're doing the obvious ford fusion plug in the prince episode and coach asks "haven't you ever been turned on by gas milage before?" and winston says "yeah once" and schmidt goes "when was that?" and winston says "i don't know all i remember was it was a thursday" and then schmidt goes "a thursday???" so incredulously and that's the whole joke

I say "a thursday?" like that all the time and there's no explaining why and no one understands

 

Jess shows all the guys the big bag of meth she found; Winston then comes in, asking how he looks, getting ready for the police sergeant to arrive. They all say he looks terrible, that he should change. Winston: “Hehe you guys are like rubbing alcohol; you sting me in the now, but you save me in the later”

Jess: “I mean, you say a prayer every time you get on an escalator”. Winston: “I mean, why risk it?”

Jess arrived at her parent’s house in Portland, with all her roommates; Ryan didn’t fly over to visit, so everybody decided to go with her instead. Her Mom and Jess start to get emotional at the kitchen table, when Winston then says, to lighten the mood, “Look, this might not the right time to say this to you guys, but uhh, should we take a straw pole on this whole Cosby thing?” - this is around the time the allegations against Cosby came out

Jess then starts crying and storms off to her room upstairs. She’s playing music in her room, and when Nick arrives to check on her, he sees she’s listening to “A.P. Stat Jams” - Nick: "AP - Advanced Placement; smart girl"

 

“there’s shells all up in these eggs”

 

Lmao that whole thing with coach going and finding some little kid when they have the meth in the apartment is hilarious

 

"should we all try to live inside a peach or is that weird?"

 

Started this show last week after my girlfriend got hooked and wanted me to watch and it’s probably the funniest sitcom I’ve seen since 30 Rock. Very, very, VERY surprised.

 

i think this is the only show that I watched from the day it premiered to the very end. will always be one of my favorites

 

Schmidt: “Nick’s a conspiracy theorist; it’s like an Irish carnival up there. Just potato peels, broken rides, fiddle music, dreams left unfulfilled, bloodied soccer jerseys, bunch of women limpin’ around named Moyra”

Nick is in Regan’s room, looking through her stuff: “This woman is like an orange, you peel a layer, there’s another layer there.” - Schmidt: “You’re thinking an onion! An orange has only one layer! Oh you poor thing”

Schmidt and Cece wedding venue shopping; see guy in radiation suit at hotel, then leave quickly. They then find a barn; Cece: “Some tea lights and some flowers, this place could be nice”. Schmidt, eyes closed from allergic reaction: “It’s like a Mumford & Sons music video, yeah? Is there hay in here??”

 

Nick saying that Sam looks like an NBA benchwarmer was so perfect lol

 

ABC Orders Hannah Simone Semi-Autobiographical Father-Daughter Comedy Pilot – Deadline

This is happening btw

 

Hannah Simone on Instagram: “This has been one of the most incredible years of my life. I created a tv show about my multigenerational interracial weird funny brown…”

ABC didn’t pick up the show. It’s the second time they ordered a pilot for her only to then not pick up the show.

 

Wow I love him even more now

 

i'm trying to send smart stuff to you guys