Mental Health Thread • Page 91

It was extremely, extremely hard to get out of bed today. I just want to crawl back into it forever.

 

i find I really struggle to balance "my dark and light side," cus while I feel more at home "in the dark" I know it seems to sometimes welcome some things I damn sure don't want. Yet at the same time "the light" becomes overwhelming and at times I just wanna distance myself cus usually that involves a lot of time around people, and I need alone time just as importantly - whatever that ratio may be (usually more slanted with around others (lovers that is) time).

its like balancing comfort that could lead to a slide to discomfort that could lead to progress but just as bad discomfort as the slide if i'm overexposed. yet at the same time, my comfort uneases some others (the realm at least), while my discomfort is where most thrive.
and well... there in-lies even more conflict.

tiring.

 

Demi Lovato Is Tired of People Using "Bipolar" Incorrectly

 

I lil gestures that show ppl think of u. A coworker brought me a coffee this morning cause she knew I was gonna be understaffed and had to come in early to cover and I hate waking up early and it was like the nicest thing ever!!

 

So close to being out of the woods. I feel very clear headed and it's only going to get clearer in the coming days. Physically I'm just...tired. Exhausted. I've put my body through a lot. Jeans I struggled to fit into two weeks ago are like two sizes two big now. I was able to actually eat a meal tonight and not feel like I was going to throw up the whole time so that was amazing, maybe I'll be able to catch some sleep tonight because I haven't had a full nights sleep since Sunday night before full withdrawal had kicked in. In the coming days I like really need to come to terms with my relapse and why I let it spiral and why it happened and what I'm gonna do better next time because yeah maybe I could get the vivitrol shot forever, would be mad expensive, but realistically I'm gonna need to learn to live without that crutch. I feel committed to my sobriety though I just can't get cocky about it again and think I can use once in a blue moon and move on. I'm just gonna get sucked back in every time without fail, the drug just feels way too good for me to not touch it again if I do it once. It's insane and insidious. Anyway. Nearing end of day 4 and can't wait to feel even better tomorrow on day 5. One day at a time for now while I get back to the time clean I had previously, and like everyone has been telling me, I was 7 months clean. That's nothing to scoff at or discredit because I went on a month long bender. I didn't lose myself with this and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful for my amazing girlfriend first and foremost, my wonderful friends who would die for me, and my loving and supporting family who just wants me to be happy and healthy. They've all been coordinating like a team to figure out how to get me healthy again. I almost feel guilty but I shouldn't, I'd do the same for them and any number of my friends. Addiction is tough, it's a constant mental battle that sometimes feels like can never be won. So the best I can do is fight every day as best I can to stay clean.

 

Haven't been posting much online lately, it's been making me anxious so I've just been lurking. I love everyone in this thread and want the best for all of you

I started my new course (I'm studying counselling) and I know I'm on the right path, but some discussions in class and some assignments trigger so many traumatising events and I need to leave class and breathe all the time. It's frustrating and makes me feel weak but my classes are safe spaces. Just doing my best and trying not to fall apart under stress and anxiety.

There's been some abuse at home lately, I don't feel comfortable saying more than that, but it's made me feel scared and I told my boyfriend I'd tell him what's been happening but I can't. I don't know how to talk about this. It's complicated and it's been on and off for as long as I can remember. I don't know what to do

 

I finally started coming out of my depressive episode at the end of December. Spring semester started and then started back at my old job (they thankfully took me back even though I just walked out). Between work and school, I've been feeling weird/good due to being productive, but I'm pushing myself really hard and only getting an average of 3-6 hours of sleep. One night I came home from work (11pm) and started looking into graduate programs that I'd be interested in, which is good and all, but I'm only halfway through my junior year. Not only that, but I've been trying to squeeze in time to make music. Basically any amount of free time I have, I need to be productive or I'm afraid of feeling like shit again, but I know the lack of sleep will catch up with me and I'll slip back into a depressive episode sooner than later. I just wish I could find middle ground.

 

I've struggled with this for years and still do. I like to think I have normal masturbation habits when I'm not depressed (still probably a bit much, but it doesn't get in the way of my life), but when I am in a depressive episode, it can get really bad. I'm afraid to bring it up to my therapist too, which probably means I should get a new one that I can feel comfortable being open with, but I'm not in a position to be picky at the moment. When I was handling it best, I would replace masturbating in the mornings with exercise.

Also, I remember reading somewhere that there is a legitimate disorder that causes a person to be in a constant state of sexual arousal, but the case I read about was really extreme (masturbating in front of family and semi-public spaces). It would be worth talking to a professional about it and working out a plan best for you.

 

If I just ignore all my problems and wait for financial success they' go away, right? In all honesty I hate money. I hate thinking about it. That's why I want enough so I don't have to worry about it. I also feel like I have so much to offer but money always gets in the way. Starting a charity and helping people is as my sure fire way of finding happiness tbh

 

Huge pressure to get a job and make money certainly contributed to my relapse...I felt a lot of pressure and didn't want to do what I had to do to ensure I'd stay clean instead I took the easy way out. Plain and simple I need a fucking job if just to keep me occupied. If I allow myself to just sit and stir 24/7 those cravings will always win

 

I too need a job. I have this opportunity to make it big with this startup but that's not what I wanna do with my life. I'm not interested in being rich. I'm interested in having the resources to make a difference. I know saying that is a lot less than doing that but really that's all I can invision myself doing that I would actually enjoy and be proud of. I'd have a definitive sense of purpose for once

 

I have a job that makes a difference and it takes a huge mental toll tbh. Ppl always say how rewarding it must be and it isn't. It's pretty thankless and if I screw up it impacts more than just me or a bottom line, but legit people's lives. I am in a constant state of stress, pressure, and survival mode.

 

I've read a bit about what you do and it sounds really stressful. You work with kids right?

 

Yeah I work with kids + their families. I like it and all its just like... nonprofits don't have a ton of money or resources so we're constantly understaffed and stretched thin but still have all the deadlines to meet, which is stressful enough without even factoring in the trauma the families are in. I totally knew going in that its not a lucrative area or anything lmao but sometimes it does suck to be like covered in scratches and bruises and be totally mentally burnt out and then get the paycheck and it's like ... oh lol.

 

This is so cool.

 

Even when I'm at what passes for personal peak mental health my sleep schedule is screwed up. My brain just doesn't want close up shop until I've been up for 20 or more hours. Been that way since I was 12 or so. I've tried all the remedies and approaches, and the only thing that will consistently make me sleepy at a decent hour is weed combined with overeating, and that obviously isn't a long term, or healthy solution.

 

yo i slept three hours last night uninterrupted, doesnt sound like much but after two nights straight of zero im fucking amped. i feel so good today, just have sore muscles and a somewhat weak stomach but not in a painful way, my stomach feels relatively normal actually just a normal form of nausea not withdrawal nausea

 

I can relate to job stress/money stress. I just accepted a position as a tutor in the writing center of my school, which is a fantastic job for me and something I'm excited about, but it only took me about an hour after hearing that I got the job for me to start worrying that the hours aren't enough, that I should have looked for jobs with more hours, that I should start looking for a third job. Blegh. And I am extremely fortunate right now in my living situation, because I'm still living at home through my first 1-2 years of college (I'm attending my local community college) and my dad is gracious enough to cover most of my expenses, but the pressure I feel to go out and get more hours and more money is so draining sometimes. And then I feel selfish and ungrateful because I know a lot of my people my age don't have a choice, they have to work 40/50/60 hours a week on top of going to school just to survive. I know this all stems from my anxiety/depression and it's not entirely my fault that I feel this way but I wish I could get excited about something like getting a job I actually want for more than one hour without worrying about whether or not it's enough of a job compared to what my peers are doing.

 

Tbh I feel like an ass for even whining about my wages cause it's good af for someone straight outta college with no experience and I do fine, but getting laid off in the summer is ROUGH. Like with that factored in, the janitor that cleans our building makes more than me. Which like awesome he gets a livable wage, but I think I'm mostly like meh a job that doesn't require a degree pays more and I am in loan debt for years to come lol

 

My brain and my body are so tired. I hate bitching about work but we've gotten 2 new ER docs and one of them is a fucking nightmare. I'm used to people not understanding my job and treating me shitty but this is unlike any coworker I've ever dealt with. Yeah, you're a doc and way smarter than me but I know our regular patients and what they need and what they're here for. We have an opiate dependent dialysis patient and it's hard enough to get blood from her bc in dialysis your veins flatten out so add opiates and it's a tough sample to obtain.

I know this patient from her frequent visits and she knows the drill. I have to stick her in her jugular vein on her neck and it's unconventional but it's the only way to get a good sample. I asked if we could step outside when the doc started acting like she was about to freak out and I explained to her why I did what I did and that her jugular and a few veins in her feet are the only places we can use to get blood for an accurate diagnosis. She went IN on me. Before I even had a chance to get back to the lab she called my supervisor to try and get me in trouble. I'm an MT so I can draw those samples without supervision.

I don't know..I love my ER staff that I normally work with bc we work like a well oiled machine but I don't understand people coming into a mix and trying to make it harder for all of us including her. I definitely get wanting to prove yourself but you've been hired for a coveted position where I work and they only hire the best so I know you're a badass. I'm a team player to the core and the way she treated me is not the way we work here. I'm hoping things get better bc at this juncture in my life I am not ready to deal with this.

I think I'm gonna try and catch her in the lounge soon and see if we can talk about what happened and let her know that I'll never try to make her look bad or not listen to her. The medical field is hard for women period so we're always trying to prove something but I've learned to swallow my pride and get shit done. I don't want to be enemies and trust is something that has to be earned but don't write me off after one encounter bc I can be your biggest ally if you just give me a chance to do what I'm good at. Working together is the only way we ER staff make it through our shifts. We can't do it alone.

 

I hate situations like that - it sounds like you're in a good place with it and how to handle this one, though. I would respect you if you came up to me that way if I were in her shoes. Good luck regardless

 

I was just editing a Powerpoint and then got the sudden "I really need a big hug and cry and oh welcome to the party, migraine" feeling.

I don't know what's triggering it, but it's interesting that the migraine-ish stuff is happening with the mood swing (if you'd even call it that).

 

Does anybody have any experience dealing with friends that you are fine with, but feel obligated to hang out with? I have a group of friends that I met in elementary school, but kind of stopped hanging out with in a big capacity since like 9th grade. We were always friendly and there was never any bad blood, but you just kind of find different tribes, you know. Anyway, I would see them every now and then, but a couple years ago, my friend and his fiancee who I had only really known for like a year at that time asked me to be in their wedding, which kinda surprised me, because I didn't (and don't) really feel that close to them. After that, I've kind of really felt obligated to hang out with them. And honestly, and I am not psychiatrist, but as I have gotten to know her, she has been very condescending, and needs to control every situation, shows a lot of amounts of codependency to her husband and others, abandonment issues, etc. I am not really saying this from a place of judgment, but honestly I hate it. I don't really like spending time with them, especially when getting treated like that. On top of that, it just doesn't seem like we should really be hanging out in the first place, and I am starting to think it is because they don't really have any other friends, which may be because of how they treat other people. I was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to deal with this situation, because honestly, over the past couple years, I have felt kind of trapped in it. They seem to really live in the past, and I try to be a present as I possibly can be.

 

Ya got 3 routes. Either be diplomatically honest and upfront about things that bug you, and hope for the best, start consistently ignoring them until they stop trying to contact you, or roll on with the way things are going.

The first option is best I think. Either you improve the relationship, and it becomes worthwhile, or it blows up, and you don't feel obligated to hang anymore. Can't lose.

Option 2 does work, but I don't really recommend it. Having been the ignored party in the past, I can't help but feel bad about being the ignorer.

Doesn't sound like you're up for option 3 at this point.

That said, I'm no etiquette expert.