Mental Health Thread • Page 70

I thought I did but I'm so burnt out this year that now idk. But the source of my mental exhaustion can be multiple things so I'm not sure. I don't like taking chances tho! I need to plan everything obsessively lol

 

We've both failed Britney and her belief in taking chances lol, oh god I'm the reason my life has been so overprotected

 

I had to do a closing shift at work on Saturday where I had to do a bunch of extra stuff because we were closed Christmas.

After that shift which I failed miserably I started to think is my job really right for me.

I also just hit my one year mark with my work so I'm probably just second guessing everything.

 

they promoted me to closer today so now I'm just all whatttttt right now.

It's temporary until we see what happens to our other closer who got injured but still this is crazy.

 

Insecurity/discomfort about one's job and/or future?!?! This conversation is relevant to my interests.

Also, not at all related to the above, I really don't like giving ultimatums, even if they are legit, and I'm building up some serious resentment with my family because I feel like I'm being forced into one.

 

One thing I hate about myself (of the many different things), is how I handle momentary change. I visit my family during the holidays and I struggle with it at first, I am shit at sleeping in a different bed and my normal schedule is completely different. So, mentally I spend a ton of time wishing for the trip to be over. Then I adjust (though I still can't sleep for shit) and hate myself for thinking this way. then I get to the point where I want to stay for a little bit longer (despite also being excited about going home. Sigh. Then I struggle when at home for the first day or so as I really am basically all alone.

Let's just say tomorrow is going to be a fucking nightmare inside my head (more than normal) and I'm going to be doing it on little sleep since I apparently chose a super early flight home. I just never get any better at this.

 

22 Things Movies Get Completely Wrong About Mental Illness

 

I was just standing in the kitchen making myself a bagel and my father walked in mentioning working on my battery or my car. Ok, cool, lemme just finish this bagel and I'll be right there. No big thing right?

My Dad starts randomly attacking me cus of the need to even do it as I'm not even finished buttering the damn thing and how I'm holding this all up. And I'm like what? Okay... This was literally the first I heard about this or any of you talked to me today... what's the sudden rush? He get's angrier, verbally berating me, so eventually I get loud saying THIS IS THE FUCKING FIRST I HEARD OF THIS, I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE MY FOOD, FINISH IT AND WE'LL GO DO IT. So then my Mom comes in and she joins in like they weren't the one's gaslighting this. Like I wasn't just existing peacefully before being lit up with a favor they randomly decided to do from the graces of their loving hearts. How do you attack someone with a favor?

They literally are so stuck in their own ways they will push you till you defend/say something back then go "AH SEE YOU'RE THE ASSHOLE!" to justify how they are always like that...

I can't even exist peacefully without their shit, really just need to get out of here and cut them out of my life for some time. For good if they never realize how toxic they truly are.

 

Honestly don't feel like anyone cares. At all. And I'm truly tired of having the same conversations about the same things. People don't want to listen. Cause they're selfish and ignorant.

 

Yes, agree 100%. People going about their normal routines while you try over and over and over again to defend yourself or be valuable or find value but just end up feeling ignored is just an absolutely horrible, exhausting feeling. I'm really sorry.

 

I might have to hang out with some "work friends" that I haven't seen in a few months tonight and I reeeaaallly don't want to. They've been off traveling/living new exciting lives in Toronto/going to school/actually doing things with their lives and all I've been doing is getting fat.

 

I'm so terrified. My mom is going into surgery tomorrow for a hernia -- an issue she's had for at least a year now and that has caused so much stress for us -- and I'm nearly frozen with anxiety. I'm trying so hard to be strong for her because I know she needs it. But it's now less than a month after her sister (only 6 years older) died after surgery. So it's very, very scary. We're both trying our hardest to be brave.

Any good thoughts, positive vibes, or prayers would be great. Hope everyone else is doing okay

(Not sure if this is the totally best thread for this but I do love the community here and I need somewhere to vent.)

 

@cybele sending good vibes your way!!

 

I almost committed suicide about a month ago, life hit me hard in different ways and I almost broke down. It hasn't been easy but I'm getting better.

 

I hate not knowing if something is just my personality or my depression. I have a fairly cynical worldview and a dry deadpan sense of humor and sometimes I wonder if that's just how I am, or the depression. Or when I lack ambition, or when I am being a hermit. When I'm with my nephew I love hanging out with him but sometimes feel extremely unmotivated to play with him and even tho I wanna spend time with him I'm just so lazy. I'd rather sit on the couch and watch him than run and chase him and idk if I'm just naturally inactive or depressed. Idk i hate how I've had depression for so long that it seems intrinsically linked with my personality and idk which is which anymore.

 

When I 'freak out' I can be kinda grude-y if I dont think people handle it the right way - and it's shitty for a number of reasons - but primarily this shit is kinda hard from the other side. Also can be unsure if people want me to say anything - like idk are you asking me for advice? But I do like listening - thats not really the stressful part

 

@DarkHotline I'm glad you're feeling better

 

This is very me as well

 

Mom's surgery went pretty well. She's sleeping right now thanks to the huge amount of pain killers in her system. It feels so good to be able to take a deep breath. Recovery is going to last a few weeks but thankfully everything seems to be in the clear so far.

Thank you everyone for the good thoughts

 

Have been actively avoiding this thread just because I feel like I would be incredibly toxic to the people here. I've been really feeling hollow these last few months and have just been so spiteful/implosive. The usual things I do to distract myself isn't really working. Considering going to a doctor but I still get anxious when thinking about it and decide to put it off.

Overall, I think I had a good year but then I feel like it's all in my head. Also started a personal blog where I'll probably post my ramblings. I really hope it helps.

Ultimately, just wanted to drop by and see how everyone's been doing.

 

i hope it continues getting better for you. At times like those, I always feel like it's good to have this emergency person - a close friend that would understand. The next time I start feeling stable again I'll def consider it, like telling that person "whenever I get the urge to do this, here are some things you can do to help me".

But would like to hear opinions on that as well.

 

Thank you. :) The past few months have been very bad. It's taken a toll on me physically too. I've been lazy and feeling weak, and just general tiredness and nausea.

 

To be very honest suicide is always one of those creeping thoughts in the back of my mind, I just try not to speak to it/of it often cus it digs its claws in when I entertain it. That said I'd be lying if I said I cared it was there or not, I accepted that as a way I figured I'll go out a long time ago and in a twisted way I rather it be than than letting people watch me die and them try to explain it. Rather define myself and why. But that's where the dark side of my mind lives. I try to avoid that but since me and my fiancee gotten back together I've had to explore it to explain it and help her understand it.
In turn the support and understanding helps but it does lead to tripping sometimes. That said she's the first person who's went out of her way to even try to grasp it, so I'm glad to have that. In the past it's made for issues from running people off to people almost... being bitter that by nature I may need a lil more than them since they had a more stable upbringing/support system or at least people who would offer help/an ear.
Some going as far to say 'If I was more fucked up like you maybe...." tune out after that, this isn't a pissing contest. This isn't "fun."

 

My depression and other mental problems comes from my shitty home life. I feel like I can never escape it. I continue to get treated very poorly and differently. I never talk the details of it because I know people will silently judge me and it will make my problems worse. I always wonder what I did to deserve this "life". For how "messed up" I am, I have difficulty forming relationships because no one wants to be patient and understanding. On top of that it's hard for me to even see myself with anyone because of everything I have to deal with.

 

I've always found New Years to be incredibly depressing. I'm not sure if it's just that I've never had a good enough year that I can look back on fondly or what. I cried last New Year's Eve at midnight in the bathroom at a party instead of kissing anyone or champagne toasting. I'm just staying in my pajamas in bed this New Years but I doubt that helps with the whole depressing thing.