I'm having one of those spirals where my coworker just stopped responding to me in Teans, and then my silly neurodivergent brain responds by continuing to say stuff, probably annoying my friend in the process. Sometimes I really miss the time before the pandemic when everyone was in the office together and I could get a better handle on things. It's entirely possible she's just bored and ready for the day to end, too, but it's so hard when you have nothing but a screen to try and read.
Not going to get into too many details on here at the moment but I decided to cut my brother out of my life until he accepts that he needs help and seeks treatment. I’m heartbroken for the person I used to know but he has refused any offer of help for far too long that I need to put my foot down and look after my own well-being. I’m really not doing great with what he’s been putting my family through but there is a sense of relief that I’ve finally come to this decision and said the words out loud.
been having to grapple with this possibility for a different family member for a while now. it's really rough when someone can't accept that their actions impact the well-being of those around them, and also bad when it looks like they're making progress on bettering themselves, but in reality, they just get better at hiding what they refuse to fix. while i can't understand the particular elements of your situation (and at least in mine, it appears that this person has begun working on making things right), i definitely understand the pain of having to put up those walls.
All I want to do is be/actually feel like a good husband and father, but I never receive any kind of validation or even feedback/guidance and it quickly becomes very discouraging and grating on my mental. I am just so unbelievably tired of second-guessing my value every single day.
There's also a million and one things to do all of the time and I just...I truly don't know how it's possible to have an enjoyable life and constantly be doing upkeep around the house and yard and dealing with finances. Lately I feel hyperaware that this life may be the only one we have and I can't help but feel like wasting it on constant work is no way to experience it. Hugely depressing.
Feel this a lot lately, roughly work 45-50 hours a week and I do enjoy my job (relatively lol) but there’s always things that need to be done around the house/errands which when I’m not working I just… rather not do them lol. Very hard finding a balance of leisure and being productive when I have a demanding work schedule
Yeah I’m also feeling the same @GrantCloud and @Aaron Mook and others. My schedule varies but I don’t think I’ve worked less than 60 hours this year with so many industry changes in Michigan that have really made it a challenging year professionally. I’ve also become so acutely aware of how much of a % of my life is going to this corporation who will make hundreds of millions of dollars a year whether I’m in office today or in the ground. That should kick start me into trying to find a better balance but it just makes me feel guilty for falling into the rat race/for not being as productive around the house as I’d like.
In addition to job hunting, I'm making plans to step away from a couple of side-gigs/extra-curriculars so I can attempt to split time between an (eventually) new job, stuff at home, friends once a weekend, and the movie screenings I run monthly. Just trying to make life manageable without only cutting the shit I actually enjoy/look forward to. I already know the folks involved with stuff I'm cutting are not going to be pleased, but I'm at least proud of myself for reaching a point where I'm comfortable recognizing and taking action when I'm stretched too thin.
Yeah, pretty dystopian when you're like "guess I just can't be outside for a few days" or when people are hacking because of the air quality and you try handing out masks and they're like "nah I'm good"
Heard about the rooster prince , I’m a fan of indie films and the writer director wrote about the parallels of his late brother and Shia Labeouf. Reach out and take care of each other. Shia LaBeouf's Angry Set Behavior on 'Rooster Prince' Movie
Yesterday was the first time I showered in a week and a half. The weather's triggered bad summer seasonal affective disorder and I wake up feeling like I haven't slept. I've had two dissociative episodes in the past week and I start the day filled with sadness and dread. I explained to my mother and brother about my SAD being triggered by the weather, and despite me explaining how it was less common, they barely believed me. I was asked about exercise (I do), sleep (I have) and diet (which I could admittedly be doing better). Going to the gym (which I do) isn't a silver bullet when your mind won't stop screaming at you about how worthless you are. I'm unravelling.
Private, next appointment is mid-September. I think I just gotta ride it out until then because if the SAD aftershocks weren't a thing I'd actually be doing relatively okay, but it's something I'm gonna bring up.
Having two possible job opportunities lined up after almost six months of unemployment feels good. Hopefully I will reach a point in my life one day where my self worth/hopefulness doesn't depend on my employment status.
Got a call from a nurse at my doctor's office confirming my ultrasound shows I have a hernia and that he would drop a note with my doc about a surgeon referral. Low key freaking out - idk how I'd be able to recover from surgery while living alone, and if I need to go on short term disability while I recover, that's a reduction in my income. Plus I'm still $2800 away from my out of pocket max with insurance, and my bed is hip level on risers... with a cat who loves to body slam me on it. Hah.
Purchased an Assertiveness Workbook. I've been non-confrontational for way too long, which is a nice way to live when you can, but I feel like years of people close to me (friends, family, romantic partners, co-workers) talking down to me has reached a point that is now detrimental for my brain. I don't like the uncertainty that comes with setting a boundary or speaking up, but I have to have faith that the right people in my life will understand - especially if I come at it from a place of good faith.