Sorry to hear this. Going through similar thing at the moment, different AI threat though, offshoring to Actual Indians.
Did anyone else get so traumatized y'all just said "frick it" and stopped caring, like in general? Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, animals, I will never stop helping people, I study psychology, after all, but...Like, did y'all also had something so messed up happen to you your empathy just went down by a hundred in a single day?
Being in Paris right now is so bitter sweet. My best friend abandoned me to start dating my other friend. I’ve known them separately (7 years for her, 25 years for him) and I inadvertently connected them through a recent work trip. She was supposed to come to England, Scotland, and Ireland with me and decided it was no longer a good idea since she is now dating (after 1 date with him). She cancelled two weeks before the trip and I had to scramble to do a more manageable trip solo. Paris is so beautiful but all I see are happy couples and I’m doing everything alone. Can’t help but think this is my life now. I knew we would each date and have to navigate what that means for the closeness of the friendship, but to have it happen so suddenly and to have her reassurances immediately rescinded by cancelling the trip has been hard to handle. Ugh
that is horrible and so sudden, I’m sorry to hear that. I recently got back from a big solo trip and I will say that one thing I really appreciated was my freedom and autonomy. Not even having to vocalize where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do was actually very nice for me. Hope you can find a silver lining while you’re out there
im 50,000 steps total over the last 2 days so im staying busy and yes, its been easy to navigate logistically. my body was in fight or flight mode for two weeks prior to the trip, couldn’t eat or sleep. She’s been my best friend for 7 years — we do trips together, talk constantly throughout the day, etc. it’s been such a change lately for me. I barely get a “hope your trip is going well” message every few days. I’m dreading going back home to this new dynamic. I have deep abandonment issues from my dad leaving and this whole thing resurfaced a lot of that. I haven’t talked to him either, asked for space. There’s a family connection between me and him so it will definitely be strange for him to start bringing my best friend around my family without me. It just sucks and I have been shamed by them both for not being “happy” for them.
well let me be an impartial voice saying that, to me, it sounds INSANE for them to expect you to be happy for them especially so soon. Hope that helps, yeesh
thank you, I appreciate the insight. He’s still finalizing his divorce (marriage lasted one year) and I had zero idea that he would pursue her. I can’t describe in words how blindsided I was by all of this. Unfortunately, I have a hard time imagining that I can remain close to her, regardless of whether their current dating continues. I think this whole situation changed everything. I want to go hide under a rock for a few years.
Got my first interview scheduled since being laid off. Somehow out of the 80places I’ve applied only the one I genuinely wanted replied to schedule one so far so like I’d really like it but so heavily doubt I’ll get past this initial video interview. They want the sun and the moon for this role and I don’t quite have it. but I’m gonna do my best
I did a really painful thing recently and decided to go no contact with a friend I'd had for 10 years. She had a way of being blunt and not caring whom it hurt, and I was frequently the target of that. So we hang out on video call for a few hours, me mostly just vibing and enjoying her company, and then afterward she texts me and says I 'seemed bored and quiet'. The more I think about it the angrier and sadder I get. So I sent her an email saying to go find better company and cut her off completely. The culmination of years of snide remarks and passive-aggressive nonsense. It's been two weeks or so and I think I'll be better off in the long run, but finding things to fill the space where someone you were practically attached at the hip to for years used to be is difficult. I hope she's doing okay but I just... couldn't do that anymore. My mental health has been all over the place as a result, and I'm clinging to 26 months of sobriety for dear life.
I know it probably doesn't help much to say it but you did the right thing by cutting her out and yeah, it absolutely will be painful at first but you will be so much better off in the long run
TW: death having a terrible day. idk what provoked me to log onto Facebook today, but the first thing i see when i open it is that one of my former childhood friends died unexpectedly five days ago. we haven't been close in a decade, but i'm gutted he's gone, given his struggles with some health problems. i go to share the news with my family and find out that most of them knew two days ago and kept it from me because they thought my heart couldn't handle it. for context: i had put up a firm boundary a couple years ago to not hear about most negative things coming from my family (mostly my parent's marriage and its dissolution, but also drama between other family members and other bad things that have happened). my parents have a hard time respecting that boundary, but for the most part, my sisters have done an amazing job at keeping me in the dark about a lot of the bullshit. i'm definitely not in a good headspace when it comes to family drama because i'm very conflict-avoidant, and any mention of it reignites a lot of trauma i had as a kid, so i don't blame them for keeping that from me. the death or poor health of a friend, family member, or other loved one, however, is not something i want kept from me. and i'm fucking livid that several family members have prided themselves on hiding it from me, thinking i can't handle it. while i am an emotionally vulnerable person in some respects, i'm a month shy of 32, and it's infantilizing to hear about them keeping secrets from me that they shouldn't (or even have some of them spreading secrets i told certain family members in confidence a long time ago to those who expressly shouldn't hear them, lest it open up old wounds). they could've lied and said they found out he died at the same time as i did. i don't want to know the lengths they go to in order to "protect" me from things they think i can't handle, while simultaneously violating my trust and boundaries about the things i definitely can't handle. i love my family, but i feel like i need to set even firmer boundaries with several of them - or even go no-contact - for all of our sakes. and i'm frustrated that my anger towards them is somehow overshadowing me mourning the passing of my friend. dealing with the fallout of this has taken up my entire morning and most of my energy, and i'm definitely not in the mood for more drama on this site today (from particular threads, iykyk). might hop off for a bit to clear my head and try to navigate what to do next.
I feel you on all of this because many members of my family did the same shit to me and it absolutely did play into why I went no contact with the majority of them. Like, my mom was never like that with me and that's part of why I respect her so much (beyond her just being one of the absolute best people) but most of my other family members treated me like this oversensitive infantile crybaby and that was further magnified by me being on the autism spectrum. It went on well into my 20's before I finally laid my foot down and got pretty fucking blunt and angry with them. And I'm sure they probably run their mouths to this day about me raging at them for it, but I don't care. Do what you need to do to give yourself the peace of mind you deserve.
It's bad enough that you had to see that unprompted but worse that your family hid it from you. SHIT, man. That's awful for a bunch of reasons, I'm so sorry. I hope you can figure it out.
eh, spoilering because I might delete: I hate not being comfortably open about some of the aspects of my identity because ironically I have a lot of jokes tossed my way by queer friends calling me "the token straight" (lol) and lumping me in with a demographic I feel no real connection to, and I know it's not their fault and I obviously look like a cis straight male, but it's starting to grate on my mental and there's no real solution unless or until I feel comfortable saying something to them and hoping they'll keep it to themselves. weird position to be in.
This current idk cultural climate I guess is very, very bad for people with body dysmorphia. It’s reminding me of the era I grew up in where ultra thin was in and that had just a horrific impact on my self esteem. And I’ve been working on it as much as I can over the years without being able to afford professional help but it is getting really hard to keep a grip on it. I feel like every woman in the public eye has noticeably lost weight. And everyone has had plastic surgery. And I don’t won’t to judge others, they can do what they want but it is really hard not to compare myself to them and not feel bad about myself. And I just have such a warped view of myself, I feel like I don’t even actually know what I really look like. And I wish I could just not care about it at all or just get to a place where I can at least be ok with my appearance but I just constantly slip backwards. I know I’m actually healthy now but it’s hard to keep on this path and not go back to old unhealthy habits. And I wish we had an actual good healthcare system so I could actually get help for once in my life but this country just fucking hates poor people so I just gotta keep trudging along by myself!
I realized that this post probably made it seem like I was taking what Michael said and making it about me and that was not my intention. It was all a long winded way of saying I relate and you're not alone in feeling the way you are. I apologize if it came across wrong.