I had the best birthday today. I’ve never really made a thing of it but today I went out to breakfast, relaxed with some good tv, went to a concert later on, then got drinks with friends. I needed this (:
Them highs and lows man. Trying really hard to focus on getting myself better but feeling impatient and fatigued. I have a few weeks until I take a big road trip by myself that I really hope will clear my head
My wife wants me to be more confident and I'm just like...so far away from feeling like that. I hate my body and the way I look. I don't feel physically attractive at all, which sucks because that self-consciousness is not a very attractive trait in general. I've been walking a lot more, but eating healthier is so tough when you're this exhausted from work and baby stuff. I love cooking, but feel like I never have time to prepare proper meals anymore. Idk. Nothing would make me happier than to find some confidence, I just have no idea how to do that.
I'm at the point now where I'm probably going to have to get a second job. I've already started looking and have no idea how my wife and I are going to survive through to the end of the year. Literally losing so much sleep over it every night and wake up feeling miserable when I think about getting through another day with all of these financial constraints hanging over our heads. I'm so tired.
Officially have hypertension, nothing I can do about my genetics or stress, so kind of don't have a choice when it comes to cooking more. I am very scared of dropping dead in the driveway tomorrow.
Sorry to hear about that. I like to say that taking care of my mental and physical health feels so overwhelming because it's another full time job on top of my economic full time job and my familial full time job. I'm thinking about exploring meal prepping for a couple hours at night on the weekends after Elliott is down to make stuff that can just be thrown in the oven or microwaved the rest of the week. We'll see if that actually gets off the ground. Related and without knowing your financial situation have you looked into a prepared meal delivery service like Factor? We have used it for a few months on and off when I'm super stressed and to take a house chore off my plate. The food is decent and they have healthy options (don't know specifically about low sodium diets). The proteins that are used in the meals are limited so we get bored after awhile and end up cancelling, then wait for a returning customer deal if I start getting overwhelmed again.
Aging is hard. Watching your parents get old and die is really hard. I had a nightmare that I was dying and had to say goodbye to my kid. Then I lied awake thinking about all the kids who had to watch their parents die, and will have to tomorrow and the next day, and it just gave me an existential crisis that I’ll be dealing with until I settle back into the doldrums of day to day life. But man what a weird messed up thing life is.
the anticipatory grief thing is real man. It’s been getting to me too for the last few years and it sucks
Yesterday I hung out with my sister and nephew and it made me feel neurotic but everything they did was so LOUD. My nephew was in the back making a not quite humming sound. More like buzzing. After the concert we saw my sister just had to call her bf while I was driving us home cause she hadn't talked to him all day which apparently is a tragedy even tho she's 35 and works and lives with him and her phone died so she called him on her watch was so poor quality and static and loud. And then my sister kept sneezing and sniffing from allergies. And all of it together was just so much. And that's not even that much. When I go to their house it's way more. And it's not just them. When things hit a certain volume or frequency I shut down and get so overwhelmed. I felt bad about it yesterday cause I snapped at one point and was just like you all are so loud!!
nothing makes me appreciate silence more than coming home from hanging out with my nephews hahah I feel this
As I’ve gotten older I’ve been getting way too overstimulated and irritated when there’s too much competing noise going on. It triggers a fight or flight response. My brain crashes out, I can’t explain why I feel so overwhelmed and usually end up getting snappy just so I can blurt something, anything, out. It’s really frustrating
Venues that don't respond to ADA requests or say things like "You can use the smoking re-entry, hope that helps!!!!"
Figured I'd give another update that the recovery is going very well. Minor pain where they did the operation, but nothing horrendous and it's been getting consistently better day by day. I'm being extremely careful not to lift much of anything.
Just sort of feeling off last few days. Just cranky, irritable, and depressed. :/ can’t point to anything that in particular is causing it.
Not sure where else to post this, probably TMI so I might delete later but it had me in a bad spell last night and into this morning: I've always felt strong pressure around sex and even more so since we had the baby because we don't get as many opportunities. Last night, my wife came on strong and I really wasn't interested and her reaction to that was pretty negative. She's apologized since and I really don't think she meant to made me feel this way, but I had to explain that there was a little bit of a double-standard around me respecting her wishes anytime she's not interested and feeling like I can't say no without risking a negative reaction or fucking up the mood of the rest of the night. She's also kind of in a new period of discovering herself and trying new things, which should be fun and exciting and I'm all for it, but she also wants to dive in headfirst which kind of adds to the pressure when I need the vibe to be a little more casual and lighthearted to feel comfortable. Idk. It feels like we turned 30 and their was a polar shift in our sexual interests/libidos. I'm working on it because we want the same thing, just paced differently, and I want to feel comfortable saying no without disappointing. A lot of it circles back to the confidence issues I've been struggling with.
Things have been so shitty and I was so excited to receive a shipment of books when I got home from work. Only to now find out they weren’t delivered and now I have to deal work forms and bullshit to actually get them. I love when a small lil treat to yourself to cheer yourself up becomes a whole new task and thing to stress about
It is so painfully clear that our government just wants us to spend money and die that I don't even know how to function right now.
I’m headed out on a road trip soon. Today is my last day of work for six weeks. At one point, this trip was going to be with me and my fiancé. We’d talked about it possibly being our honeymoon. Six months ago we split up, though, and so now it’s going to be this big three week solo trip. I’m really stoked for the solitude but it’s weird man. I have not been completely sober and single like this since I was a teenager. I very much have no idea who I am outside of those two things. I’d like to think I am a lot better than I was, but now I sort of have to recalibrate everything on my own in my thirties. Really hoping that some time in the woods will help me mourn and figure all of that out.