I’ve been doing pretty bad recently. This year more people close to me have died, another is in hospice and another is trying to recover from a stroke. I don’t make the 5 hour drive to see my family often, but every time I do my dad looks so much older. He’s unrecognizable, and when I left a few weeks ago he looked at me and I could tell he was thinking it might be the last time he sees me. This seems to be what life is now. Less celebrating weddings and baby births and more calls about a death or a stroke. That combined with the state of the world has me constantly depressed. I went through a breakup recently too which I’ve had worse but it all has piled up. Therapy isn’t really helping and I don’t want to try meds. Having said that I’d like to try mushrooms for therapy or maybe hypnosis. Has anyone done that? I just need to radically change my perspective and I think something like mushrooms can help me let go of the way things used to be and accept the state of things at this stage of life. Or maybe I just need to be sad for a while.
My life changing drug experience was accidentally k-holing myself on acid, don’t recommend even though it worked out. I think the important thing if doing some kind of psychedelic for therapeutic goals is to do it in a therapeutic setting or at least something approximating one…I’ve had friends do ketamine “therapy” that basically just doing ketamine on a comfy couch and it seemed to be actually counterproductive
I got a quote from a place near me that does it but it was waaaaaaay out of my price range unfortunately lol I honestly don't even know what it feels like to not be horribly sad anymore
I was able to do Spravato (esketamine nasal spray) therapy and get it approved by my insurance. It was an interesting experience but didn’t help me long-term.
I’m going to start looking for apartments this week and I am beyond excited. In a month it’ll be a year since I moved back and I’m finally in a spot where I can start looking. I cannot continue to share a living space with my brother and as bad as it sounds I really need to distance myself for my mental health.
I should be doing great considering that I got engaged over the past weekend but everything else absolutely fucking sucks. I have to pay National Grid $305.36 by midnight tonight or they cut my power off and I have to pay Spectrum $110 to keep my phone, my mom's phone, and my sister's phone connected and unfortunately I do not have the money to pay either one due to having to pay other bills and buy groceries and shit. So basically, I am completely fucked and I have no idea how any of this could be fixed.
Hate that when I feel burnt out and need a mental health day every employer just makes you feel like shit for it, even if you lie and say you are sick. Like, I already feel like shit, I don't need you to make me feel worse. I hardly ever miss work and this is the response? Hate even more that my job gives me "points" for not finding coverage for myself, like fuck off, that's your job.
Day 1 of Vyvanse for me and my brain feels … quieter? Is this what I was supposed to feel like my whole life? Too early to know yet but fuck me, if this ends up helping I’m gonna feel like I wasted so much time lol
Literally what managers are for, yeesh. It's wild to me how people ascend into middle management and then like fail to do the bare minimum of what middle management even requires
My girlfriend felt the same taking Vyvanse for the first time. Hope it stays helpful for you. I'd like to try it but have anxiety about everything so I'm terrified of heart palpitations. Did you hyper focus on something? Or more so eliminating brain chatter? And yeah, its a company policy for some reason, actually insane.
So far it's mostly just quieting the brain chatter and keeping me in my chair to actually work from home a lot more effectively lol. I'm usually up and down and context switching a lot and that would compound my stress/anxiety but it seems to be helping. I am on Lexapro too so that's probably worth mentioning, but nothing anxiety related or heart related yet. My doc did mention being mindful of my caffeine intake though. I think the fact that it's extended release, as opposed to the ones that take effect much faster, really helps.
Feeling burned out and low just from usual depression but also with everything shitty going on in the world. plus work. boss asked me to gather some metrics around content I refreshed/updated and while the majority of the numbers are good and its too early to judge some others, a couple just don't look good from a percentage standpoint even if it's just like 5 fewer site clicks given how small we are as a company. just has me anxious. overall it feels like job is going well and a lot of the content I'd written or updated ranks well in Google and appears in the AI Overview, but isn't really translating to clicks as much as I'd hope. boss and everyone is nice and really happy with my work but will that change after metrics? just can't relax this weekend because of it. Doesn't help they fired someone last week for what feels like not performing tho unclear because they can't really share. boss did insist it takes a lot and is a long process before that can happen when I asked, but just still on my mind.
The baby is four months now. She was getting a lot more sleep, some days 7 hours. She reverted the past week to waking up multiple times throughout the night and taking hours to go back to sleep. She rarely naps during the day. She’s fussy during the day because she’s overtired, but won’t sleep. I’m exhausted and feel like a zombie at work and aren’t teaching as best as I should be at work because I’m fighting to stay awake some days. Even on the weekends I don’t sleep. It’s just a constant state of tiredness that doesn’t end.
Is this a thing where you can post the link and we can click it 5 times? I am happy to help drive some traffic!
That’s very sweet of you haha. but it’d be more of a google a keyword term and then find the article and click to it that way and not immediately leave. It’s all very silly stuff to say out loud haha
most of the metrics like this are pretty silly sounding yeah haha. As a fellow ‘metrics and KPIs’ guy at work, I understand your pain when they don’t look good and you have to be the messenger lol
Man I remember those days dude. It fuking sucks and its amazing how sleep deprivation impacts every aspect of life. Right now, prioritize the home life man. YTou might not be teaching your best, but the students will survive and they'll be just fine in the long run. Take it easy and don't exert yourself too much man. The family life needs you more dude
been having a really rough time the past 24+ hours. we're moving in 3 weeks because my partner got a tenure track professor job at UNL, so we've been trying to sublet. our apartment complex told us that they'd be able to get the process going on their end and seemed to imply that they had a list of interested parties to draw from, but that we should still look for someone to take over our lease. we reached out to an incoming student my partner's lab head knows, and it sounded like she would be able to sublet it for the summer before transitioning into it in the fall. come to find out that the complex already had someone sign a lease for the unit for the fall without telling us, which has essentially ruined all of our plans of getting someone to take over the lease (because we were under the impression that they wanted us to consider someone to finish out our lease and start a new lease). it's been a lot of back and forth which has essentially resulted in us needing to find someone completely random in the next three weeks to sublet for three months or we'll be paying double rent. add to that the stress of beginning packing (again, since our move to Iowa was last August, so we still have all of the boxes), and hiring movers, and it's a lot to be the middleman for, since my partner still has a ton of work to do on his end that leaves me to pick up more of the slack (although he pretty much took care of securing movers). on top of this, i found out that the operations administrator for my job forgot to send my last invoice for processing when i first sent it to him at the beginning of the month. so until i hear back from Accounts Payable (which will be a while because they're in California and have a bad track record with responding), i have no clue when i'll be getting my next paycheck, or if they can even expedite the process to get it in my hands ASAP. simultaneously, there's a lot going on with my family. had a close family member break their sobriety yesterday. i know alcoholism is a fight in itself, and i want to feel for them, but some of us have suspected that they've gotten a lot better at hiding it, and it just makes me sad. add to this that while i thought my grandmother's health had started to rebound, she apparently hasn't had anything to eat in a week, and has a DNR order in place. she's currently in hospice and can't speak or open her eyes, and at this point, everyone thinks her time is coming in the next couple of days. combined with all my other responsibilities and obligations, and i'm just feeling incredibly overwhelmed. the only things that have really held me together recently have been the love and support of my partner, getting to have dinner with some friends last night, and the fact that my twin sister just hit 37 weeks of her pregnancy yesterday (also twins!), and that she's expected to have a safe and healthy delivery within the next week or two. sorry for venting, i'm just tired and sad and feeling a lot of emotions.
it gets better, but also harder in some aspects. hang in there. being a parent is possibly the hardest thing i've ever done but also the most rewarding and beautiful.
I've been doing pretty well for a while now but the state of the world and job searching is honestly making me spiral. I no longer want to participate in this society. I don't believe in it and I have no hope for a better future. I have no clue what to do because poverty seems like the only realistic future for this day and age.