My new therapist screened me for ADD last week and lemme tell you, I fuckin ACED that test lol. Trying to manage expectations but I'm pretty pumped that we might be putting a name to why I am the way that I am
Don’t know what going on but I’m anxious and depressed as fuck. I had to spend way more on my car today that I was anticipating but that’s kind of par the course for me when I take a car in for service so I’m not surprised. Kind of sucked waiting all day for them to call and for them to be like yeah it’s gonna be a little more than a grand. I’ve got the money but not by much. But it sent me into an anxiety spiral which has progressed into a depression spiral as I sit here alone overthinking the thing I’ve got going on with the girl I’m seeing and wondering if I’m doing too much or too little and if she’s pulling away or I’m overthinking it and everything’s fine. I’m dreading going to work this week and the next thankfully I took PTO the 5th through the 10th because I’m getting really burnt out with work lately. I just feel like shit and now I feel guilty for not getting anything done this weekend. Not to mention I got almost all the way to Indianapolis Saturday for the Greyhaven show before it got cancelled and I had to buy another hotel because I couldn’t get into the city proper due to snow and the original hotel I booked wouldn’t refund me. I’m fucking beat
That’s definitely a lot to deal with all at once. Hope you can get the car issues resolved soon and get some much needed rest and relaxation!
We did secret Santa at work and the person got me, got me the most low effort gift (a gift card with the minimum amount). It was embarrassing. Everyone else got stuff to open and I basically didn’t
That’s def weird from a co worker. We picked names early so people had time to get stuff. What’s worse is the person is basically a manager and has money to put in effort. At least put more than the bare minimum. Also the gift card screams “oops I forgot about secret Santa”. Not only that, I can’t even use it on myself. I cried a little when I got home. All the years I’ve been at my job, that’s what they think of me. That’s all I’m worth.
I had a dream last night that has sent me spiraling today. Woke up early and kept trying to control the dream and keep the dream going longer. I was desperate to. Stupid. By the time I got out of bed, I had put a dark cloud over my whole day. I've been doing much better lately, emotionally, but now I'm stuck with thoughts that I thought I left behind years ago.
Been thinking about this since you posted it. I'm not sure what it is about gift giving that makes me feel anxious but I think especially in these cases it's like mismatched expectations or something, it can really hurt me too. I don't think I'm very good at receiving or giving gifts for whatever reason. I know it's easier said than done to acknowledge this, but it's not reflective of your worth or your ability to be known by other people. Sorry it happened that way at work
My relationship of 11 years might be over. It’s the worst it’s ever been. I think I did more damage than I realized when I relapsed a few years ago. Just kills me that I’m really, really trying not that person anymore but I can’t do anything to take those years back
I’ve been there. Relationship of 9 years ended earlier this year. It was also pretty much because of my constant relapses over the years despite having been doing well for quite some time. Sometimes it’s too much to ask for them to stick around after all that even if you’re doing better. Toughest pill I ever had to swallow. But here’s what’s getting me by now: I’ve met someone incredible who never knew me that way and will never have to. There’s something beautiful in that. Easier said than done tho
I didn't realize how much my mirtazapine was increasing my appetite and influencing weight gain until I adjusted my meds and my appetite is going back to what feels like my normal baseline. I was worried it would decrease it too much because I still wanna eat lots of protein and gain muscle but it's not too drastic. Just feels more like myself. But it does feel silly to be prescribed a med to help offset my med. But they can pry the mirtazapine from my cold dead fingers cause I can't sleep without it
Yeah, I take mirtazapine for sleep, so I refuse to let my doctor up the dosage where that aspect diminishes.
I’ve been doing service industry work for most of my adult life so I’m no stranger to having to work Christmas but yesterday was a new low. I entered the cannabis industry almost a year ago now and it’s been my first retail job but there’s far more overlap with how you carry yourself in a service job than say, target or something. Anyway my store was the only dispensary open in the entire fucking city yesterday and we were doing a giveaway of a vape pen or an eighth. You’d think my bosses would make sure we were adequately staffed with both those things taken into consideration right? Nope. Two people working registers one working front desk for 7 hours. No breaks, no food, just constant pressure from the moment we stepped foot in the door and saw the mountain of pre orders. People had to wait over an hour at one point. I’m a manager and have proven myself to be just fine in high stress high volume situations but this was too much even for me. Sent a very strongly worded email to all of my bosses yesterday. Told the manager on duty today I would not be showing up for my shift tonight. I’m debating if I even want to go back. I’m taking PTO in a couple weeks here and will likely be using that time to job hunt. Merry fucking christmas
Yeah, I take Mirtazapine in my “pill cocktail”too and it helps me sleep so much. But my doctor increased it because my depression got worse and then I had the worst time waking up and staying awake, so it was put back and something else was raised. Hayley Williams was right.
Hate how easily I spiral over things and just obsess. Was having a good day where I visited a used bookstore and found several books from a list I have and then visited a new pizza place. but then leaving I realized I now had a chip in the molar above a tooth i just got a crown/overlay on Tuesday. It's tiny and likely not really an issue and I think happened while eating the pizza because my jaw sucks and the way my teeth met in this particular instance. i can't actually see it, just feel it. it feels small and isnt bothering me in a physical sense. but it's all I can think about and will be the dominating thought on my mind until I see the dentist on Monday for a cleaning/full exam. just how anytime something appears wrong with my health and I just spiral. it's what happened when I noticed a huge chip out of my bottom moral on Monday night. didnt sleep a wink and just sat there paralyzed by anxiety until my emergency appointment the next morning. just so fucking exhausting.
This morning my therapist said “it’s hard to leave hell when you know all the street signs” and all I could think was damn that shit would go so hard in an emo song lol
The insurance company I went with was the only option I could afford but I was excited bc it said they covered mental health services 100% if you went with a virtual provider. Well here we are at the start of my coverage and it’s finally letting me search for virtual care and guess what: zero doctors available in my area. So I talk to customer service to see if that’s correct and it is. So they tell me I can see someone local but only 8 visits are covered, then it costs $75 per visit after that which I absolutely cannot afford. I’m so sick of this shit.
The fact that virtual care can be “in your area” is dumb as hell, it’s virtual, the whole point is that it doesn’t have to be in your area. Really sorry that’s happening to you
Really shitty NYE. Got dragged to a wedding size and a half hours away without my wife and kid. The rest of my family argued the whole time and wound up not spending the night together. Didn't get to do any of the things I wanted because my dad was a real dictator about the itinerary. I'm just upset that I missed my child's first new year (even though he was sleeping) for this shit, and it just feels like it's compounding issues I'm already facing in my marriage. I feel so distant from my wife and the fact that we aren't really doing anything about it until she sorts some of her individual shit out with her therapist (who she has yet to make an appointment with) makes me feel doomed. This stuff is so hard to figure out when you're busy with a kid. I'm just so tired of feeling so lonely/unappreciated/unwanted. Sorry, end vent.
I have no idea where I should stay or leave this country. I'm so beaten down and sad. I just want to live my life, have my own place and spend time with the people I care about. I want that for others. Why is that becoming an impossibility?
Requested to up my anti-depressants yesterday because between stress at work and stress at home (especially with such an inconsistent sleep schedule), I really feel like I'm just trying to survive each day lately. The prolonged anxiety every day has made it really hard to enjoy much lately.
Just want to say that I also had a child I think 4-6 months before you and my journey has been very similar to your experience. So much constant pressure and personal stress leading to strains in my marriage. Some days I feel so overwhelmed and paralyzed. I also upped my antidepressants which helped, and as he’s gotten older things have gotten a little easier. You’re not alone in your struggles and even when you feel like you’re not good enough of a parent or partner, the fact that you care and are trying is amazing and should be celebrated. Hoping life improves soon.