Mental Health Thread • Page 500

holy shit am i doing bad mentally lol

 

I know the feeling lol. Hope you're doing alright, though. Wishing you the best.

 

thanks. just a really rough day where i just woke up feeling like everything i've done has been wrong and all i do is fuck up.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. I feel you, I get similar thoughts all the time. It's like every single mistake or shitty thing I've done in my life just always pops in my head and makes me feel like shit. Best we can do is try our best moving forward and try not to be too harsh on ourselves. I hope things get better for you

 

I can really relate to this, been feeling the same the last few weeks. Hope you can come out of it soon.

 

Thanks. I’m sure it’ll pass. Hope the same for you.

 

I have felt such a skill regression lately, I feel paralyzed at work and that makes me struggle. I feel so exhausted all the time that I feel like my performance is constantly floundering and that I’ll lose my job because of it. I can’t disconnect from work when I’m home, so I never feel present for my wife and just feel so shut down and defeated when I get home. Additionally, I am constantly tired during the work week because my weekends are the mental battle of trying to forget about a job that there is no punch clock on, I can be contacted by my clients all weekend long. Putting my work phone on silent doesn’t quell the urge to look at it on days off. This work yourself to death capitalistic society/culture we’ve built fucking sucks.

 

Same. I can never not think about work even on weekends. Also yes I feel the work phone thing hard. Accounts and emails ring off during the weekend still and I want to shut it off but I’ll occasionally still check it

 

This way of living is legitimately going to kill a lot of us. Work culture is so disgusting in the world and especially in countries such as the US. I'm getting anxiety about every little thing.

 

Also I'm not a fan of getting anxiety out of nowhere after not having it for MONTHS. This is very disappointing. Let me be anxiety free please.

 

Having a really hard time not ruminating on the past and feeling like the best things in life have already happened. I just feel constantly stuck and like I’ll never get a job that pays me well enough to live on my own again. I’m tired of being so unfulfilled and feeling like it’s largely my own fault. I started taking edibles again last week after a two month break and I think they’re kind of contributing to this mindset too. The passage of time is really messing with me lately as well.


I really miss my ex as well. We’re on good terms and still talk occasionally and I don’t really feel weird about that but I miss having her/someone around to do things with and to talk to every day.

 

I was on a super positive trajectory for nearly a year. Cut my drinking down consistently to about 1.5 nights/week on average and mostly stuck to a max of three beers. Found myself staying sober at certain shows and having an absolute blast, etc. And my fiancée and I have been getting along better than ever and we're on the verge of signing on a wedding venue. Therapy has been working wonders for me too.

But yesterday, I had a work function that was 4 hours of open bar and drank waaaay too much. I was clearly drunk when I left the venue but somewhere between the Uber ride home and hitting my couch I went somewhere else. My partner walked in, realized how drunk I was and we were off to the races... It was bad (so trigger warning but yelling, crying, spewing all sorts of nonsensical and self-pitying emotional bullshit, hitting myself, and so on). But I was also self-aware enough to know I was upsetting her so I tried leaving (and she fortunately was able to calm me down enough to talk me out of it). This happens maybe once a year and it's usually when I've over-indulged and I feel like things that were simmering deep beneath the surface just explode out in a big way. There's an undercurrent of these things but the big explosions are rare.

Obviously, I woke up in the morning with intense hangxiety riddled with guilt, shame, and dread. We talked for a bit but as of right now the engagement is now up in the air. I am feeling selfishly frustrated that I'm not being given more grace in the situation but I know that's an irrational, unfair feeling too. And the fact that one of the issues triggering a lot of this is abandonment doesn't really help.

It all just fucking sucks and I have no idea how to fix it. Because it's happened before, I told her I'd work on it (and honestly, I have; episodes are fewer and less extreme except last night, negative self-talk had been decreasing, and so on). And now we're back at square one.

 

Not trying to fish for happy birthdays btw

But my birthday is tomorrow and my middle child syndrome is real. I make such a an effort for my siblings birthdays. I take my sister and her bff who have similar birthdays to a special brunch place every year. My other sister shares a bday with her son and I always plan something special just for her so it doesn't always get eclipsed

Then mine comes around. My mom wants to have brunch. Picks the day and time that's convenient for her because she'll be driving back home from the beach and I'm like okay whatever. My little sister drops out last minute day of because she's not ready and I chose a location more convenient for me and public transport would take too long for her. Then my mom says sorry something is going on with their car so they want to eat somewhere close to the highway so I change to accommodate.

Last night I had dinner where I wanted with my bf but he doesn't get paid until Tuesday so I planned and paid for it all

I'm doing a birthday trip next weekend which I've also planned and paid for myself

Idk. I'm not saying a huge hooplah needs to be made. But it is the principle. Like my bf offered to pick up up my sister and I'm like no. I want others to put in even a slight effort or forethought. The fact that the most effort is my mom pulling off the highway on her way back from her weekend trip is like.... Idk.

Some things never change and my middle child syndrome is definitely one of them because I also probably take it harder than I should

 

happy birthday tho

 

also not trying to fish but my birthday is Wednesday

 

Feeling like I'm a weird place.

Work has been going well, I've been making progress with my recovery from GBS, my financial situation isn't the worst (at this exact moment), and I'm even going on a short vacation with my mom this next week.

But I stopped going to therapy. I had a couple sessions with someone I liked but my situations have changed enough that I'm not ready to tackle old trauma like I was just a few months ago.

i feel really shitty about ghosting two therapists within this past year but I'm also not sure how to continue forward at this point. I don't want to keep trying out therapists for a session or two.

Idk man, just ranting again. Just wish I could figure out how to get over this last plateau.

 

Best friend of 14 years completely ghosted me. We were roommates in college, kept in touch nearly every day, made time for yearly visits…

He hasn’t spoken to me in two years, and I wish it didn’t still bother me and hurt as much as it does. I just wish I had a reason, I’d rather hear a “fuck you” than nothing. Life is so weird.

 

My niece and nephew are very spoiled, and every year, their birthday parties seem to get bigger. Last year, I thought 35 people was a lot and had to take a Klonopin to prepare. I just found out that there are going to be 60 people at my neice's birthday party this weekend, AND it's on a Sunday. Legitimately don't know how to prepare for that.

 

My therapist went on vacation for around a month starting in June and since she’s gotten back, I’ve had to reschedule multiple times due to the appointments conflicting with work. So glad to have a session with her later today, but holy shit do I have a lot to talk about

 

I need to start writing things down because I always have so much to talk about in-between appointments and then seemingly forget or improve the situation slightly before the actual appointment

 

Anyone having ANY luck with the job market? What am I supposed to do?

 

I'm starting to consistently get interviews again after several months of barely any new job postings even going up.

Even made it to the final round on one -- tho i am still waiting for it to be scheduled so that's making me anxious.

 

After five years, my therapist told me she was making her transition to "biblical counselor" yesterday and spent our entire session asking me about prayer, Satan, and some really intimate stuff that makes me more upset and uncomfortable the more I think about it. Really devastated that I trusted this person with my trauma for five years, even if she did help me work through so much of it. I don't know where to go from here. I have the tools to take care of myself for some time, but finding another therapist means starting at square one w/r/t getting to know me, my life, my brain, etc. Just beside myself.

 

wtf that’s a huuuuuge ick

 

That….is my nightmare. Big no thanks. I’m so sorry you had to experience that and that you have to start over. That’s truly awful and understandably a ton of work to begin again with someone new.