Mental Health Thread • Page 495

It might not be the most feasible but my best advice is to get to another environment whenever you can. Living in Buffalo the suburban sprawl and lack of hills/mountains/any variation in elevation really got to me. Getting out of town to a more mountainous/varied landscape was always the best solution.

 

I don't know if I get SAD in the summer so much as I just hate the fucking heat and feel guilty about not going outside as much as other people. Self-conscious shit

 

I used to live in a desert/dry climate and I tried to improve my indoor area as much as possible. Lots of green plants (in my case, fake, because im a plant killer), one of those indoor lil water fountains that are soothing, the copper wire fairy lights, etc. I tried to bring the green to me! It did make my space cozier. And then when I did manage to plan lil vacations I'd go to green places and go on hikes there and stuff. Wasn't a total substitute but it helped a lil

 

I also tend to feel more alone during the nicer months. I'll drive around on the weekends and it seems like all my neighbors are constantly having people over. And social media doesn't help because posts are all about doing fun things with your friends. I only have three or four friends, and it feels like they're constantly doing things with their other friends or want to have a day to chill alone, and that they never ask me if I want to do stuff. Realizing that I'm neurodivergent has made it harder in that I kinda got "proof" that I'm a lot, and therefore I feel like I can blame people less for not wanting to hang out with me.

 

Understanding so vividly through my therapist that my brain is wired differently in a way I was never able to articulate, even without a specific diagnosis as of right now, has been so enlightening, but also so emotional. I feel like I'm grieving years of having to apologize for poor comprehension skills. And all the time I spend, and still spend, anxious about upsetting people because I often require further clarification when discussing simple tasks.

 

I’m right there with you. I’m not in therapy (I need to buckle down and get into some) but exploring autism on my own and the more I learn the more I oscillate between “awesome, it’s nice to know that there’s a been a reason for ____ being an issue for me my whole life” and feeling bad for needing what I need because of how my brain is wired.

My boss made a couple comments to me my first year with my company about “not making excuses” when I was giving what I thought was more context to a situation and why I handled it the way I did and now looking back it is a weird embarrassment for looking like i was giving excuses and also an anger of, like, I’m giving you context not excuses!!!!

long story turning your post into a post about me: I feel very similarly to you and I know how exhausting that feels. Be kind to yourself!

 

Thank you, friend I have been in that situation many times and just reading it makes me feel not alone, so I appreciate you and this thread!