Mental Health Thread • Page 494

Forgot about an assignment at work that needed done before commencement yesterday, got it done Friday night off the clock and had to email my boss and basically tell on myself. Offered to keep an eye out in case she needed anything else and I haven't gotten any response positive or negative, so I don't know how big of a deal it was, but I'm so scared I'm not going to have a job tomorrow. I 100% have PTSD from my last job.

 

I am also filling out some autism spectrum quizzes for my therapist at the moment, something I never realistically considered for myself. Seeing the results should be interesting.

 

Just want to say quizzes and self diagnoses are legit for several reasons.

 

Feeling insanely targeted/seen by that tweet. Lmao

 

Def recommend these too for anyone curious

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0399185615/?tag=absolutepunk-20

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0593235231/?tag=absolutepunk-20

 

I am like 2/3rds of my way down this list lol.

 

Hmmm. That entire list applies to me. haha.

 

Ugh I feel like the Internet has gotten back to like the weight loss eating disorder Tumblr type nonsense again. I get a lot of fitness content on my algorithm and one of the Instagram posts asked people to comment with their wild hacks and I thought it would be peoples tips and tricks to load up on protein or something since that's more aligned with the content I consume. Or peoples tricks to incorporate more veggies or something. but it was definitely some pro-ana awful nonsense with people giving tricks on not eating.

It's just so depressing. I have a good friend on ozempic and I love her but it's sad to see how she's like always sick now. Her immune system has tanked and I'm sure it impacts everyone differently but she like can't exercise because she's always nauseous or sick and calls out of work a lot because of it and I wonder what the long-term impacts of that will be. I'm glad she's more comfortable in her skin but at what cost?

Idk idk. Be safe out there y'all

 

Possible trigger warning


I knew this shit was gonna start to happen again in November but I genuinely don’t know if I can handle anymore angry yt men toggling away my healthcare to give the wealthy more tax breaks.

Literally afraid to buy myself a little treat on the chance I can no longer get my disability checks and have to either flee to stay alive or survive on scraps. I don’t know how much of this shit I can take anymore & we’re only five months in. My whole life there has only been two options, suffer more or suffer less, why can’t something good ever fucking happen? Why do I have to worry my entire fucking life? They said things get better but they don’t always do, don’t think anything has for me even once, no matter what I do.


I understand so much, more and more why people just choose assisted s****** in a world that is so clearly against them

fuck nazis

 

Just me whining about the same shit as always bc posting here is cheaper than therapy lol I feel like I’ve always been able to dress myself well and I’ve always gotten compliments on my style but I’ve been feeling like reinventing myself I guess and a big part is through my clothes (fashion girlie for life!). So I’ve been trying new things and it’s making me feel a certain way!!! It’s just so hard bc idk if the new things look good on me or not bc my body dysmorphia tells me everything looks bad bc my body looks bad. And it’s shit like this where I once again wish I had friends and I could get some outside perspective but I don’t so I just cry in fitting rooms instead! And I dyed my hair different and some days I’m like this is everything!!! And other days I’m like nooo I am an ugly creature from the swamp!!! And then my nephew graduated and then I started thinking about my high school years and I feel like I missed out on like every normal teen experience and I feel like a fake adult and a big failure so I’ve just been going through it this week!!

 

Oh, I relate. I can be extremely frugal so I end up wearing shitty thrifted clothes or stuff from Target, which, let's be honest, doesn't always look the best. I also feel like I need to drop about 20 lbs to get down to my previous weight so I get stuck in a cycle where I don't want to buy new clothes because I think they won't fit soon, but then I can't kickstart myself to put the work in to losing those final 20 lbs. So I just keep buying these cheap outfits that I don't really like.

 

On top of everything else I think I fucked up my ankle today. Rolled it, felt a pop, and it didn’t hurt at first but it does now. Naturally I’m between jobs and don’t have insurance. Because why wouldn’t things get worse?

 

Sometimes I wish so badly I could relive my middle school/high school years with what I know now. Like such a strong desire. And then I mope around because those years are gone and it happened so fast. It's not even that I have any super specific regrets. I didn't do anything awful as a kid and as an adult my life is better than most. I think part of it is that nostalgia where life wasn't actually better then, but when you're a kid and so focused on yourself and your own family's problems you don't always realize how sucky the world is around you. I know it's rose tinted glasses because so many things about that time period sucked.

If anything the lesson I should take is to live in the moment now and make the most of the present as possible so I don't continue to want to live in the past or fix the past. But I don't.

And my life is better now. I actually feel like I have real friends. I'm more confident in my personality and sense of self. I am less guarded than I was a teen. I have adult money and can express myself better through words but also my appearance.

So I have no idea why I am fixating on the past. I can't even watch time swap movies or movies set in the 90s/00s sometimes because it just bums me out so much and then I feel so anxious. I need someone to therapize me and tell me why

Or is this just my mid life crisis

I think those around me dying more the older I get plays into it. Objectively you know death is a thing and those around you will die, but I think I still had this level of cognitive dissonance that everyone around me would continue to be around me. I think as the more people I know die this will only intensify and idk how to stop. I think it's less me wanting to relive the past and more just wanting more time with loved ones, to ask them more questions, and to just be in their presence. And none of them died at old age so I also feel robbed of time. It was COVID, suicide, alcoholism, cancer, etc. I should've had decades longer with them but I didn't and it happened to soon.

 

I know it’s not the same for everyone but for me nostalgia is always a form of depression. I have to avoid it

 

Getting a formal diagnosis as an adult seems to be extremely difficult, depending on one's healthcare provider. Mine made me wait for a year to be contacted, and then I was basically told that because I'm high-functioning enough to be employed and married, the chances of being diagnosed are almost zero.

 

Lol, people on the spectrum do those things to survive, not because they're easy. Dumbest shit I've ever heard

 

Right? They also wanted to talk to one of my parents to ask what I was like as a child. Even though A. that was 3+ decades ago, and B. I explained that my dad doesn't believe in mental illness and absolutely wouldn't answer truthfully, lest he have to accept the reality that his child might be neurodivergent.

 

Anyone else feel more alone than ever during the summer? Cuz everyone goes off and does their own things and I'm left with my thoughts and that's a dark scary place where most of my insecurities and distorted thinking come out and have a field season. It just fucking sucks and I don't wanna exist anymore.

 

If anyone has any tips for environmental depression it would be greatly appreciated. I live in the desert. Not a lot of green, no water to look at or sit by, everything looks dead and barren, either too windy or too hot to enjoy being outside. I gotta get out of here lol

 

I get SAD in the winters here but by spring and summer everything is alive and green. So I’m always reminding myself it’s temporary. Definitely get out of there if you can! I love visiting the desert but i need to see green stuff too.

 

I get SAD in the summer and I am really dreading it this year. I need to find a job soon, I’m scared of another unemployed summer like I had in 2018. I’m tired of not liking myself.

 

It might not be the most feasible but my best advice is to get to another environment whenever you can. Living in Buffalo the suburban sprawl and lack of hills/mountains/any variation in elevation really got to me. Getting out of town to a more mountainous/varied landscape was always the best solution.

 

I don't know if I get SAD in the summer so much as I just hate the fucking heat and feel guilty about not going outside as much as other people. Self-conscious shit

 

I used to live in a desert/dry climate and I tried to improve my indoor area as much as possible. Lots of green plants (in my case, fake, because im a plant killer), one of those indoor lil water fountains that are soothing, the copper wire fairy lights, etc. I tried to bring the green to me! It did make my space cozier. And then when I did manage to plan lil vacations I'd go to green places and go on hikes there and stuff. Wasn't a total substitute but it helped a lil

 

I also tend to feel more alone during the nicer months. I'll drive around on the weekends and it seems like all my neighbors are constantly having people over. And social media doesn't help because posts are all about doing fun things with your friends. I only have three or four friends, and it feels like they're constantly doing things with their other friends or want to have a day to chill alone, and that they never ask me if I want to do stuff. Realizing that I'm neurodivergent has made it harder in that I kinda got "proof" that I'm a lot, and therefore I feel like I can blame people less for not wanting to hang out with me.