Mental Health Thread • Page 493

I have largely fallen into the camp of apathy at this point and I truly feel terrible about it, but having a newborn (which should make me even more concerned) has taken up all of my energy/attention for the time-being and I feel like I'm going to collapse anytime I see the news. I guess my thought process is, maybe if I take the time to not fall apart with my family now, I'll be stronger down the line to start keeping up with things and contributing to local action again. Idk. Constantly torn between self-preservation feeling selfish, but also necessary.

 

I feel this big time. I also lost my dad about three weeks ago, sandwiched right between the anniversaries of both my grandmother's deaths.

I have spoken a little about it face to face but like you mentioned watching people's faces and reactions makes me realize it is a Big Deal. I'm always one to play it off with a laugh but it's hard to ignore people's reactions.

Sending good vibes to you during this time. I've found anonymous(ish) posts do help to at least get things off your chest without as much pressure.

 

Once again called my mom bc she is literally all I have. Once again she knew I was upset, got annoyed bc I was upset, so I just got off the phone feeling even worse than I did before. I really can’t even describe how truly terrible it is to feel so alone all the time. I just want one single person. Just one person!! I’ve been completely alone for years and I’m at my breaking point. I would give anything to have friends or a partner or just anyone who actually made me feel like I matter or that I’m important. Even when I had a few friends years ago I was always there for them, but never the other way around so I really can’t even remember the last time I felt like any kind of real friendship or connection with anyone. Absolutely fucking sucks.

 

This really nails it, and thank you, I appreciate it

 

I’ve learned the hard way in recent memory but you are ultimately the reason you are alone. If you people treat you like a burden, then they’ve always viewed you that way and nothing will change that. Surround yourself with people who love and care about you, family doesn’t have to be blood.

 

I really need to get my shit together

 

Me too

 

Exhausted from feeling guilty over having virtually no ambition. I can’t live peacefully with myself while not pursuing some misplaced idea of what greatness is, and can’t let myself relax living a simple life. I have a decent job, amazing partner, still feel that emptiness. The world and capitalism has its fangs in my psyche and it’s a fucking illness.

 

Feel that heavily, friend.

 

This is a factor in why my relationship ended and it’s eating me alive. I have never had this career drive/ambition and I really wish I could just turn it on.

 

I feel like I oscillate wildly between those two modes. Partially an ADD thing, partially that I could settle and be completely satisfied as a non-ambitious type (at least when it comes to work) if it was just me, but as a married person and dad, I now feel an obligation to try and succeed more or bring in more money even if it invites more stress into my life. It sucks!

 

Lately wrestling with the realization that I will likely never take the chance to pursue what I'm actually interested in doing, because doing so would entail me quitting my job to complete an internship without further work guaranteed at the end of it, and everything I seem to find online warns against pursuing a degree in counseling online. It's honestly gut-wrenching. I'll do whatever I have to for my family, but I wish I had another shot at happiness when it came to my career.