My mom helped my brother apply for disability today at the Social Security office. Fingers crossed. I have to buy him a short term health insurance policy so that he can continue his treatment after mom's insurance can no longer support him after next month.
Wednesday is my birthday and my sister and mom where talking about what I wanted to to do. I just sat there and nodded. I really don't care about my birthday or anything at all anymore. If I had to pick what I wanted to do I could choose to just stay in bed and sleep the entire day. Instead I'll probably go over to my sister's house this weekend and celebrate and hope I don't have a panic attack. I wish they knew how sad I've been for the past 5 years.
Just had an amazing ten days in Illinois with my girlfriend. Now everything has gone back to "normal" now that I'm home again and I feel like I've aged 20 years in the last two days. I had a pretty bad summer and was on the brink of suicide for months but held on because I knew I was going to see her at the end of the summer. I'm glad I made it because that was the first time I was happy in so long. It also reminded me how much I fucking hate Maryland and the "support" system I have here. I want to get out but I can't afford to move and feel like I'm going to be stuck here forever. I feel like a totally different person here. A cynical, suicidal jerk who sees no light at the end of the tunnel and wants to be put out of his misery.
I feel like I should be a lot happier than I am and I think the source of my unfulfillment comes from a desire to accelerate my life and be farther along than I am. I need to learn patience and I can't.
I had a really great day. I got great news. I lost a couple monkeys on my back. I feel like maybe I can finally get some decent sleep. I'm only asking 5-6 hours, nothing crazy. I ate a lot of good food that did not fit into my health plan and I don't hate myself for it. I just feel lighter and more free (freeer..not a word I don't think?).❤️
I just got off work so I'm tired and at first I thought you lost literal monkeys and I was gonna be like omg that sounds like an awful day actually?! Good to know they were metaphorical!
About two months into taking Prozac now. Fully convinced that I'll have headaches from it until I change to a new medicine. Excedrin isn't helping as much as it should. But I feel a lot better mentally, so I'm not sure what to do. :/
I've made it a rule to never cry on my birthday. I failed this year. Ive never felt so empty, alone, and useless.
Tell your doc exactly what you posted here. It's working but you're having issues with this side effect. Hey. Come join us in the A1 thread. The world's complicated relationship with it has united us all.
I have a friend making preparations for suicide right now. Like, actually mailing people her stuff. She lives several states away. One of our mutual friends called an emergency skype call to figure out what to do. I only have experience with the aftermath of something like this... never prevention. I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out. I think I mentioned her a few weeks ago when I had a panic attack - her boyfriend killed himself a year ago today. She says he was her soulmate. She's felt hopeless and broken since then. Fuck. I'm terrified and I don't know what to do. Living so far away makes life so much harder in these situations. Spoiler for sh trigger.
The last 3 weeks had been a disaster for me, I completely avoided internet and met people. Actually that was the reason why I didn't log in lately, it's getting better and right now I'm planning to seek for medical help.
Hope you and your friend are both alright.. I've been in a similar situation before, and I've found little more terrifying than losing a friend in that way. Sending love your way
Thank you - we are still working through it. I'm waiting on news from a friend who was going over to talk her into checking in to a facility.
Question for anyone who tapered off meds and ended up feeling better: what were you taking and how did you go about it (don't answer if you don't want to of course)? I'm also thinking about going off meds at some point and have no idea if it is a good idea and my doctors seem a bit unsure as well, the success of it seems to vary based on several factors. But it sure would be wonderful to feel how i did before being on this stuff, so groggy/sleepy/etc.
Yeah that's the only change I've made recently. I'm relieved but also really worried about how long it will last
Yesterday my mom was saying she used to buy me "happy" books when I was younger because she was concerned about the "dark path" I was on. She said "Any mom would be concerned. You were into wizards and stuff!" I read Harry Potter like millions of other kids!! She's not even religious or anything, but she has this idea of what's "normal." I always gravitated towards scary movies and what she perceived as "darker" music and different clothes and I think that's not what she envisioned her child to be like. When I was younger I asked her if she'd rather I acted/dressed differently and she was pretty upfront about it. Sometimes I think it's cause I remind her of my dad and she hates seeing that in me. It doesn't really bother me now as it did when I was younger, but it's just another one of those things looming over our relationship.
I was on Abilify for Bipolar. As you say, I was groggy, sleepy and just felt like a bit of a zombie. I was on it for about a year, I put on so much weight, and just did not feel like myself. I stopped it cold turkey. I had a scary manic episode, but once I got passed that, I started to feel normal again. I try to keep to a pretty strict regimen of exercise and sleep during the week, and ridiculous nights out with my friends at the weekend, which has really helped. Excercise especially has been my life saver.