Mental Health Thread • Page 474

Yeah, that's the thing. I feel like it should be mentioned that there's so much nuance here to everyone's family and friends' situations right now and people have to do what they think is personally correct for them right now. I just can't associate with people who actively voted against their daughters' rights just because they wanted "immigrants to stop stealing their jobs" and groceries to be less expensive. My friend's daughter now has to go to school with boys who are shouting that she's their property because their fathers are Trumpsters and raised them to be toxic pieces of shit.

I can turn the other cheek to certain things and be forgiving because that's a necessity in life and having a good heart is always better than being filled with hate, but things are different now. The country is legitimately shaking and I need to spend what energy and love I have on the people that deserve it right now.

 

Two weeks into Trintellix and I feel it's helping at least stabilize my mood somewhat; jury is still out on the anxiety. Will be going up in dosage when it's time to renew my prescription in two weeks mostly to avoid the cost hit so soon.

My psychiatrist also wants me to start on Mirtazapine, which he says should help improve my insomnia and also help with the anxiety/depression more than the Trazadone does. Luckily that one's nice and cheap (with insurance), so no added stress there.

 

I take Mirtazapine for that reason. It totally helps.

 

Any side effects?

Read some reddit threads and its made me a little anxious lol

 

I think I took mirtazapine for a bit but it didn’t do much for me but I didn’t have any negative side effects either.

 

I stan mirtazapine. Love being able to sleep. No neg side effects for me

 

It’s definitely helping me sleep which is great. Two nights of 7+ hours of sleep. Haven’t had even one night in months like that.

did leave me groggy yesterday, enough I didn’t even take another dose last night. But I realized today I am not supposed to take it like I did trazadone (prescription said as needed) and rather every day instead so whoops. Still felt a little groggy into even today after just one dose but much more tolerable.

 

Nope

 

Had an old acquaintance that I hadn't heard from in a few months pop back up yesterday. He was never great at accepting boundaries, even when I got pretty explicit with them (which is rare for me), so I was kind of relieved when he disappeared for a bit. Anyways, he messaged about how one of my posts about not being able to see people for a while "hurt his feelings when he was drunk." I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but when I looked...I think he was referencing my pregnancy announcement? And if so, like...the vibes are bad, man. I don't know how you read someone's half-joke about how busy they're gonna be with a pregnant wife and eventual child as something personal, but if that's the case, I think I have to cut him off. That seems like an extremely reasonable thing that 99% of people would and should understand.

I'm also really jittery today because I requested a raise a couple of weeks ago and just got a meeting invite for Friday afternoon. I really have no idea what to expect. Most of my interactions with the Dean have been positive, so I think it's workplace PTSD from the last job that has me feeling like I'm in trouble. The Dean's secretary was basically like "I know you have bad anxiety like I do, I can't say too much but it's not a bad meeting, just be open and remember that she has to do what's best for the college, but also fights for her people," which tracks with most of my experiences here. It sounds like they might meet me in the middle or at least help me make plans to get to where I want to be, which I would honestly be happy with. Preparing for a no, hoping for something. I'm just going to be so anxious until Friday afternoon.

 

I got the call that my dad was sick a year ago today. He died a few weeks later on Christmas Eve. It was really hard seeing him laid up in a hospital bed when he had been so physically fit and mentally strong my entire life. Stage four pancreatic cancer seemingly out of nowhere. No family history, and no indication up until he had to be hospitalized.

The grief comes in waves, and it's punctuated by these milestones. I wish I could talk to him instead of begging to see him in my dreams.

 

Decided to stop therapy because I felt like it was pointless. Then I go on Facebook and see that someone I went to college with died a few months ago. 33 years old. Left behind a wife and two kids.

 

I can't fucking wait for my ex to get out of here, man.

 

She's had this trip planned to visit her brother in Nashville Thursday night to Monday night.

First she asked if I can give her a ride to the bus stop for a 2 am pick up. I said I'm sorry but that's too late for me on a work night. But it's a park and ride, you can just leave your car there for free. I did that a few years ago when I went on my work trip to Indiana.

She complains about being worried about it being broken into.

A few days later she's like "ugh, my parents want me to go all the way down to their house (an hour away) and then all the way to Boston (another 45 mins to an hour away). Such a dumb extra waste of time"

Me: damn, yeah that's dumb

*Complains about it for 2 days*

Her: yeah fuck it, I'm just gonna take the bus. That's too much stress

Me: yeah, I don't blame you.

*Several days to a week later. Tonight. She's leaving tomorrow night*

She makes some mention of me giving her a ride

"What? I never said I would do that. I have work! Your bus is at 2 am on a Thursday night and comes back at 2:30 am on a Monday night"

Proceeds to flip out on me saying I agreed to it. Says "fine, I'll just tell my parents what you're making me do" (threatening me because her dad doesn't like me and is hinting that he's gonna leave me with nothing when they come to move her out). Again, I reiterate she can leave her car there for free. "If it gets broken into, I'm blaming you." I again say I did the same thing to get to my flight out of Boston. "Yeah that's because you have a shitty little Civic that nobody wants"

Dude... It's a fucking 2019 Civic EX with 12,000 miles on it in pristine condition. Fuck all the way off about someone breaking into your older CX-5 with 120,000 miles on it.

I'm going to lose my mind. And once again I'm still feeling guilty. Even though I know I'm in the right. And I'm still like "idk, maybe I drop her off. Then on Monday I drop her car at the bus station after work and Uber home. It's only 8 minutes away."

THIS SHOULDNT BE MY PROBLEM THOUGH. For the last several years I just live in a constant state of guilt and shame because she's always convincing me of how much of a selfish jerk I am (which, I am to a degree. I was a shitty partner who stopped giving a fuck). I feel like it's crushed my self esteem into the ground.

 

The worst part of it all is I do have an extremely bad memory. To the point where I'm starting to get a little worried. And part of me is like "did I agree to this??" But I don't know why I would have since I know I have work and I know I told her that. I don't know if she's gaslighting me or if I'm genuinely forgetting, which is actually like, super common for me haha

 

She's gaslighting you. And even in the smallest, remote chance that she wasn't, she's talking to you like a child throwing a tantrum. "Daddy will do this and your stuff is junk."

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that.

 

Thanks, I really appreciate that. Idk. I do need to grow up and I haven't been thoughtful, but she was just always dogging me for being a selfish jerk. Her dad hates me because one time when I picked her up I didn't get the car door for her. I know I could've done better and all, but I'm just an oblivious guy and didn't grow up in a family where that was normal. I wanted to change. Just hard breaking old habits. I was not an amazing fiance, I recognize that, but this is just so toxic and has been for so long.

She even mentioned earlier tonight that her brother is trying to set her up with someone down there. Which, I really don't care about tbh. But then we got in another fight later tonight, and in a taunting tone is like "his name is Ryan. He's from Chicago. He also works in IT."

I literally just had a smirk on because I like.. truly, truly do not give a fuck what she does. It's childish as fuck and I'm over it. But now I do have to be worried about her when she moved out while I'm not here. Before the breakup, she literally let it slip to me that she took our old roommate's toothbrush to her toilet and litter box out of spite like 9 years ago.

Sorry for all the venting. I'm just so angry right now. Thank God she's at least gonna be out of here for 4 days and then plans to pack as quickly as possible to avoid being here for the holidays

 

That seems like a really hard situation. In my break ups I need to just cut any reference of the person out for a while until the strong feelings and that stomach pit thing goes away. It’d be so hard to still have to be around the person a lot.
It does sound like you are being manipulated. It might be good for both of you to set more boundaries and expectations.

 

From the sounds of it she sounds like not a good person. We are all selfish to a degree, and we mess up, and hopefully thrive to be better. @RyanPm40 don't let her act like she deserves girlfriend treatment.

 

@RyanPm40 also while opening up the car door is a nice romantic thing to do it isn't a big deal if we forget. I'll do it for my girl if I remember, but sometimes we are in a rush we got shit to do, I don't think her dad would even notice much less hate me for forgetting to open the car door a few times.

 

Imma keep it a buck I don't think I've ever opened the car door for my wife and I don't think it's something either of us have ever dwelled on lol. I open doors for her all the time, but car door? We both got arms and we're getting in separate sides of the vehicle lol

 

Yeah it's just stuff like that where her Dad and her are old school and think I'm just a careless jerk. Like also going on vacation and not thinking to carry up her luggage

 

Also her parents are Trump obsessed and brainwashed by Fox News so I avoid going to their house like the plague and they think that's rude. Whatever.

 

Yeah, idk, I offer to carry what I can because we both got stuff to carry but I'm only one man, she's gonna have to carry something lol fortunately, my wife is reasonable about stuff like that

 

As far as luggage, my girl likes to overpack lol, but I help carry as much as I can but she does her part. A relationship is a partnership not one sided. Her parents are also trump conservatives but even though we are almost basically polar opposites politically we get along.

 

Just a wild juxtaposition with demanding opening car doors and such. People like this only care about the traditions, you can’t be trump obsessed and actually have respect for women.