Mental Health Thread • Page 472

Yup. And somehow when I look in the mirror, I can get away with thinking I look relatively normal, until the angle or whatever is out of my control and recorded to be used over and over again for the foreseeable future and it just kinda fucks up my perception and feelings about myself

 

I do not take pictures of myself for precisely those reasons. I do not want to be forced to perceive myself

 

I feel this so much.

 

Yeah, I'm lucky our wedding pictures turned out as nice as they did because neither my wife nor I wish to be perceived physically lmao

I have to try to remember that I'm predisposed to focus on things I'm self-conscious about, and I would assume that just like your voice sounds different to other people than it does to you, the way I see myself is not the same way others see me. And having pictures of myself that I like proves that this specific instance of not liking myself is not representative of how I actually look all of the time. But that's easier said than done.

 

It's also lighting too... I was struggling every time I went into my work bathroom then I went to a friends house and I thought I looked like a model in their bathroom haha. In reality, I am somewhere in the middle of slightly below to perfectly average but I agree with you all and have self perception issues. The fact that sometimes I vibe with my look, is a sign that I can hopefully, eventually, limit / erase the negative moments (or have them be negative because I failed to put in the effort).

 

Met with the psychiatrist today. Going to give Vortioxetine a go. He said it’s fast acting and should help with mood, anxiety, and depression. So fingers crossed

 

I used to think I was self conscious when I was thinner, but nothing prepared me for how self conscious id become by gaining weight. Before, it was body dysmorphia where I thought I looked bigger than I was, but I could sort of reconcile that it was all in my head because objectively I weighed about average for my height

then when my body became that reality after gaining weight I now despise like every pic of me. And it's like hating how I look but then feeling ashamed for hating how I look in a bigger body. I can see other women of all sizes and see how gorgeous they look but I can't extend that courtesy to myself. Even today I tried on clothes and most didn't fit and everything felt so unflattering and I just hated all of it

I had to force myself to not buy clothes that were cute but too small with the bad mindset I'll lose the weight and it will fit eventually.

I honestly feel like I just need to hold off on buying clothes until I can work on fixing my brain

 

Probably not a great start for my new meds when I pick them up and have sticker shock from the cost. Going from $5 to $45 for meds isn’t great and giving me anxiety that it’s supposed to help with lol

 

Yeah that sucks. Sorry :(

My daughter’s ADHD meds are like $170

 

Like I felt stupid asking if it was even being covered by insurance and they calmly pointed to how without insurance the meds were $688 or so.

meanwhile my trazadone is $2.12 lol.


Remembered shortly since my post that my new doctor sent me some text message with a prescription savings coupon. Not sure if it would have helped tho. (Might not be compatible with insurance so doesn’t seem likely to have helped me)

 

Being a sick person is so expensive.

 

$688 before insurance is fucking insane. It probably costs like 1 cent per pill to manufacture.

 

I don’t think you’re boring at all!

 

I have a kid and a job I strived to get and also still struggle with a sense of direction and purpose. From my perspective, which isn’t always helpful to hear, you have a lot going for you. I am biased because I am nearly 40 but 34 is still so young, and 10k in debt is so little, and you seem like a smart and interesting person from what you post around here. Your feelings are totally valid though, just sharing in case it’s helpful to hear.

 

I feel like my mental health has been garbage even more so the last few months. Ocd, anxiety, depression. I feel like i'm constantly overthinking everything to the point it is almost impossible to fall asleep.

 

I can't keep taking major Ls week after week. I am beyond defeated.

 

Having so much trouble being motivated to be a person lately. A lot of "every decision I have ever made is bad" rattling around my brain. It is what it is but it sucks.

 

I'm having a horrible existential crisis and panic attack and the upcoming election is making it worse. I can either take a sleeping pill or try to distract myself. I don't know what to do.

 

the bug that’s been going around the office finally got me, on my favorite day of the year no less. it’s stupid but this is the last halloween i’ll have before the baby comes and i’m just so disappointed i can’t actually enjoy it.

 

Ugh, so just found out the gas in my building is off indefinitely until my landlord can get ahold of everyone in the building and get them all there at the same time. It’s looking like I’m gonna be working a stove/oven for a bit. Why does this need to happen now? I don’t need added stress! Can’t even make my morning coffee. This is gonna be so dumb and needlessly expensive until it’s fixed

 

Well, on one hand, my relationship is officially over.

On the other hand, I just read my engagement ring appraisal and it's apparently worth $1,000 more than I paid for it and I desperately need a new mattress.

Wonder the best way to get as much money for it as possible...

 

My therapist believes I’m burned out from work. I agree, I have felt burned out for some time, but it’s the level of burn out I didn’t realize. Like basically my body needs a break of at least a week. I’m working on looking for another job and she recommended me taking a 2 week break to “re cooperate”. Idr the exact verbiage she used but that my body is telling me I need a break.

 

I'm very upset so my brain isn't functioning very well rn so this is about to be just me incoherently venting. Obviously today is very stressful for everyone. I don't even like Harris for obvious reasons but seeing the vast majority of my family rooting for Trump to win is just beyond upsetting. I was SA'd at a concert and it was the most traumatic event of my life and has done more damage to me and my mental health than I can even put into words, so watching my family cheer on a rapist...idk even know how to articulate how that feels. Seeing my nephew who I love more than anything like homophobic posts and share selfies wearing a MAGA hat.... as a queer woman, again I can't even articulate how that feels. Nights like tonight just crush me bc it really shows how just absolutely alone I am. This is the only support system I have and they actively support people and policies that would cause me harm. I will never be able to be my true self around these people. I can never tell any of them I'm queer or be open about anything. I have had to shove down all my true feelings and have had to hide my true self for so long that it's like idk even who I am anymore sometimes. I just want the support and love and understanding to be able to figure that out again but it's so hard doing all the work on your own, especially when you know that you might lose everyone in your life because of it. I just wish things could be different.

 

I am stressing over the election. Idk how it’s close. Trump is a terrible candidate, person and a horrible representation of the Republican Party. If he wins we’re doomed!

 

Really don't know where I'll find the will to keep going on as our country sinks further and further into so much awful. I feel defeated and done.

big hugs to everyone else in here as we try our best or whatever