Mental Health Thread • Page 466

I wouldn't wish ocd on my worst enemy, most of my compulsions are done mentally but it feels like an external monster has taken over my brain and constantly wants to threaten everyone that I care about if I don't do the compulsion. It's messed up because ocd always targets what the person most cares about. It makes even typing difficult sometimes. I feel like I live two different lives, the one outside with the people I care about and the hell in here.

 

This is pretty relatable to me. Life does feel like this kind of cycle. I’m sorry you’re at a tough point right but glad you’re in therapy. I hope you understand that, at least outside of this website, 38 is not old! You have plenty of time to get a reliable car or ditch the car if your city has public transport. Not sure how you’re going about dating but taking a break from the apps is usually a good idea. Always a chance you’ll find someone organically, which I’ve preferred because there isn’t the same kind of pressure/anxiety around it.

 

I cried while on call with my therapist last week >_< This week went well though.

 

losing it tonight. been out of work for going on 7 months because of this fucking animation industry implosion and now I'm just looking for anything, any fucking sign that I should be doing something else with my life. ten years acquiring skills that now can't get me a job to save my soul. it's been just nothing. straight nothing. every lead, every opportunity, I can't even get an interview at any remotely creative adjacent occupation in los angeles. there is no exit ramp for me, there is no ladder or path forward anymore, it's just a fucking chasm headed straight down. I don't know what to fucking do. wait to run out of money? move in with my mom? apply to a minimum wage job? watch all my dreams die realizing everything I've accomplished up until now was a fluke? everything in my life was dictated by the whims of other people who don't give a single shit about me. I've accomplished nothing. I have no autonomy, no control, no identity, no satisfaction, no aspirations, no hope. *insert joke here to lighten mood*

 

tw animal abuse

pretty sure i saw someone throw a cat out of their car on the freeway this morning. was getting on the on ramp on a packed freeway doing probably 70 when all of a sudden theres a cat flailing and sliding on the road in front of me trying to get on it's feet. i dodged it and so did the car behind me but the freeway was so packed i'm doubtful it made it. the freeway is pretty guarded by huge cement walls so im not sure how else it would have gotten in that situation. i'm at work trying not to break down in tears. people fucking suck

 

What the fuck that's absolutely horrible and disgusting

 

We've each accompanied the other to our individual therapists to talk about her OCD and our dynamic, which is very much her not wanting to mother me and me not wanting to be mothered, but her struggling with control due to her OCD. We'll be seeing both therapists next week, so hopefully we can both get out what we need to in a safe space and find some tangible steps we can take to get healthy.

 

I love getting fucked up and I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand why or be able to rise above it. But it’s probably my favorite thing ever?

 

Anyway, the best thing I’ve done lately is starting to read books again. I highly recommend everyone check out Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, especially if you’ve ever dealt with anxiety, bipolar, borderline personality, ADHD, HSP, autistic, neurodivergent, etc. symptoms; probably the 2nd most important “self-help/personal journey” book I’ve ever read.

 

I very much share this feeling, particularly when I am fucked up. When the anxiety comes around when I sober up...not so much.

 

I don’t know when it specifically started happening, but my self esteem has gotten lower and lower in the last few years. I’ve gotten rid of a lot of stressors in my life, but I still find myself super defensive and unconfident in any of my thoughts or abilities. It’s really started to bring me down into a depressive state.

I’m not in a spot where I can reliably go to a therapist right now (not working, but traveling a decent amount. So I both can’t afford one or have a settled schedule to go week to week). I was going to read some books to help. One I saw recommended a lot was The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, but then I read about the author being a former lover and peer of Ayn Rand so I’m hesitant to get too deep into that. Anyone have any suggestions on books or methods to try?

 

my hyper fixation is bangin dope

 

(I’m 7 months clean today)

 

Blah. My parents have been split up for like a decade now, but they seemed to at least be on ok terms. We all got together last Christmas with both of them and had a good time, nothing seemed amiss. Now my sister is visiting from Colorado for Thanksgiving and she was saying to my mom in a group text with her and my other sister that we should all get together again and my mom said that my dad is no longer welcome in her home and that she's tried hard to extend the olive branch for years, but needs to set a firm boundary now. Not sure where this is coming from. But a bummer.

I get the feeling he kinda screwed her with the alimony deal. But that was years ago and they've hung out since then so I'm not sure what changed. Her fiance is rich af regardless

 

Just sort of drifting through each day lately. Struggling a lot to find enjoyment in anything i do. Not being as productive during working hours as I should be.

 

My mom just dumped her and my dad's dirty laundry on me and my sisters in a text and the three of us are texting on the side like what the fuck she really didn't have to do that haha.

She says she respects our private time with our dad and doesn't want to put us in the middle of things and then immediately talks shit about him right after about how he is apparently taking her to court completely unprompted and it's just... Not something any of us wanted to hear

She didn't say why he's taking her to court though. I'm guessing he's probably arguing that he shouldn't have to pay her alimony if she's engaged and living with her rich fiance who takes her on fancy trips like every few fucking weeks. All she does now is brag about the cool places they went together and never reaches out to us kids otherwise except for holidays.

Like I get it, she was a house wife and hasn't worked since before I was born, so if she and her fiance ever broke up, she would be on the street with no work skills. But idk. My dad has a lot of health problems due to having POTS and took a pay cut pretty soon after buying his house because he can't work as much now. Just a shitty situation and I'm not feeling great about it.

 

man my parents aren’t perfect and even tho they’re together I know it’s barely hanging on by a thread most days but they would never in a million years involve any of their kids in their marital problems thank god

 

Yeah I don't know what the fuck happened to my mom over like the last ten years since they divorced. Growing up she was legit like my best friend and the greatest mom. She was always fighting for me with doctors and my school while I was a sick kid and was always there. And now she just blows us off and is doing shit like this and I never in a million years would have expected this from her

 

It's just been a fucked situation forever though. I grew up in a super conservative Catholic household. Then one day they sat us down when all three of us were in college and told us that my dad is gay and they've known this and been in a loveless marriage for our entire upbringing because they didn't want to burden us with having divorced parents and being bullied for having a homosexual father, so they agreed to stay married until we all became adults. I would have very much preferred them to go their separate ways when I was little and give them both a shot for happiness haha. I love them both. I love to see them happy with their current partners today.

I've been stuffing down being upset about it for ten years, but today it's just really taking a hit to me emotionally. Definitely need to find a new therapist haha.

 

My parents were experts at putting us in the middle of their marital problems lol. Loling thru the trauma. I'm with my dad's side rn because a relative is passing soon and my mom is being weird about it. Offered to go with me which I guess is nice but also weird? I don't think my dad wants his ex wife around when he's going thru this even tho they're not on super hostile terms these days. Then my mom was telling me to take lots of pics of everyone and I was like uhh it's a bit of a somber occasion and nobody wants to commemorate it like that. She tried to push and say we'll regret it if we dont take pics while we're all together because it's so rare and I'm like girl are you good? I'd wonder if she's wishes she could be here but honestly she's so awkward in situations like this I think she's just clueless. It's not a happy family reunion

 

Rare positive post, I've met a lot of great people through our local Horror Fest since joining last year but one girl in particular has become one of my best friends so quickly. We both love watching and talking movies, we do the podcast together, and her husband has OCD, so the four of us can hang out and talk through tough topics together. It's just really great to make a new adult friend who understands boundaries (so important) and shares your interests. She's hosting a horror book club on Sunday and asked me to go because she's nervous, and I'm nervous because it's not a typical social situation for me, but I feel like we have a very symbiotic and respectful relationship when it comes to gently pushing each other into new experiences. She (and her husband) rock and I'm very grateful for their company.

 

Came home last night and my dog got sick everywhere in the house from both ends after we were out for a few hours. He was totally fine before we left. He hasn’t really eaten but he’s still drinking normally. Really trying not to spiral

 

Something has been off with my boy the last few days and I’m stressing, especially since he had some serious health issues a few years ago.

 

I hate waking up anxious. Sundays are the worst. Shouldn't even count as a weekend day.

 

Fingers crossed and all love for our guys. Hope you’re doing ok