Well, it's a boy, and while I was hoping for a girl, we're both still very excited. I'm just also very frightened of my son being indoctrinated by the internet and Incel culture and Adin Ross and whatever other dangerous shit I gotta worry about
Then again, I was watching extreme violence (not by choice) on LiveLeak as a teen and I turned out semi-normal
Ok so I opted out of BetterHelp and instead booked a session through my insurance. Although now I’m freaking out that I’ve picked the wrong counselor. I had no idea there’s such a broad spectrum of counseling credentials. The counselor I scheduled with is a “PMHNP.” Is that fine? Others are telling me that I shouldn’t go with a nurse practitioner, and instead should find a LCSW. Navigating this isn’t easy, especially when you’re already dealing with anxious thoughts!
A rain cloud of depression has been pouring down on me for the last 48 hours. I can barely get off the couch. I’m not being helpful to anyone in my house. My wife is really understanding but still I hate it.
Sometimes I'll have a really nice day or weekend and then randomly get the vague sense that something is missing as it comes to an end. Kind of like an "Is this all there is?" feeling, which is weird and sucks because I'm grateful for what's happening in my life and for my family. There just always seems to be this deep-rooted sadness underneath it all. Like even when things are relatively good, I know the bad is still there, and it holds me back from being fully present and enjoying things.
This happens to me a lot too. Sometimes it just seems to hit me that this is my life. And it's not a bad life at all and I have a lot of privilege and so it feels ungrateful but it really is like an ".... Oh, so this is really it? Just this?" Kind of feeling. I never even felt I was ever destined for great things or anything to feel bad about or compare to. More of an existential dread of we just do this every day until we die?? We have one life and as a society decided it should be like this?? Um okay I guess.
I think what kills me is that I know people who have no problem accepting this, and I'm actually envious of that. It's like depression and anxiety comes with this hyper-self-awareness switch that is always in the ON position, and if you could just manage to switch it off every once in a while like people without those issues, you might be able to live in the present and just be happy for once. I feel like such a baby complaining about this, but I wish my brain wasn't wired to constantly sabotage the way I'm feeling.
Been struggling with my confidence the last few weeks. Having trouble getting started on work tasks for fear I'm going to fuck them up, even though there have been no issues with that in the past or with the tasks I've been able to complete. And starting to overanalyze micro-moments in interactions I've had with people and worrying I embarrassed myself or offended the other person somehow, but there's no evidence of that in the moment or even after. I'm not sure what brought it on, but maybe some post-vacation blues? It's been over 3 weeks since we got back though and I've never had that feeling last more than a day or two. And my rational brain knows these thoughts are irrational - even typing them out I can recognize that I have no actual reason to feel that way - but then my emotional brain takes over and is like "Nah, fuck that guy, he's an idiot and so are you." idk
Totally get that. I don't have much advice, because I'm there quite often, but I certainly empathize and would reassure you that most if not all of it is simply overthinking.
Thanks and I definitely recognize that it's overthinking. I guess that's what's kind of most frustrating: I can rationalize why it's incorrect but I still can't shake the feeling.
Hmm… you seem trapped in a loop of self criticism and analysing too much. Perhaps it has something to do with post-holiday depression Though there may be more to it.
Yeah, I have therapy tonight so I'm hoping that helps. Very nervous about a community faculty and staff meeting in an hour where they're making "several big announcements."
i slept like ass last night and probably had too much caffeine this morning, so i'm thinking that's a lot of it, but i just feel incredibly anxious and down.
bro I have not felt right since I woke up and drank a cup of coffee like my system is in overload lol there’s a reason I drink Diet Coke most mornings instead of coffee shit just makes me feel awful
I was a daily coffee drinker for 13+ years and somehow was able to quit. I was just in a bad mood for 3 days. I realized that when I drank coffee, I was still just as tired. I just felt more jittery and anxious. I will occasionally get a small cup at work for the 2 days a week I'm in the office. Maybe it helps me a bit more on those days now that my body isn't used to it as much. Or it's just a placebo effect.
I hate how anxious I get waiting around for something. My fantasy football draft is at 8 and I can’t focus or do anything because I’m just waiting around for it. I’m trying to watch a movie and can’t focus at all.