I’ve been smoking and drinking a bit too much recently trying to get my mind off my shitty job, genocide, and the state of the country. Nothing too much, more frequency than amount, but enough that I should probably cut back a bit and find other ways to cope/get through the evening.
Man, idk if dating is good for my mental health rn. Started putting myself out there on Hinge again a couple weeks ago and have gone on two dates with different women. I felt like both the dates went pretty well but felt more romantic chemistry with my second date. Unfortunately, both women told me in the following days that they were interested in being friends with me but didn’t feel a romantic connection. I’ve been obsessing about it a lot. Like reviewing in my mind what I said, how I acted, etc looking for an explanation. Maybe I just give off friend vibes? Idk. I’ve had this happen in the past as well. Might just be me, but if I had fun with someone on a first date, I’d go on a second date with them even if I didn’t feel immediate romantic chemistry. In my experience, that’s something that can build over time. But I get that not everyone feels that way.
Hey, congrats on the self-awareness. Seriously. Not everyone has that, or the desire to change when they notice something is off. Good on you!
The wife of the couple that stayed with us (college friends) for a wedding just messaged our group chat saying she has a 101 degree fever. COVID test is negative so far. Perhaps selfishly, I wish she would have messaged me individually, because it has now triggered my wife's OCD and will be the only thing she things about until she either gets sick or doesn't by the end of the week. And that level of stress is bad for the baby.
Update: it's COVID, and the next week of waiting to see if either of us get COVID (or the next two weeks if we do get it) are going to be an absolute nightmare with her nerves. Fun stuff! Very worried about the pregnancy!
My brother, sister in law, and their newborn got Covid last week after we all went to visit my sister together, thankfully nobody else has gotten but I waited all week for the other shoe to drop. Shit sucks.
My wife and I are pretty sick now after going to a restaurant last night. My cousin was there and she was sick. I hope it’s not Covid and just a cold. I haven’t had Covid yet and don’t want to break the streak.
Reached out to 5 therapists today, here’s hoping I hear back soon. Getting out of my current job is going to be a huge weight off my shoulders but there haven’t been any relevant openings in my area the past few weeks. I need to get out of here but hopefully therapy will help make it more manageable on top of the anxiety, undiagnosed depression (feels weird saying this without a diagnosis but I think I have it), grief, and self-esteem issues I’ve been dealing with recently.
My anxiety is insane now. It is literally destroying my body with the physical pain I'm getting from it.
Mine has also been bad the last few days. Had to take an Ativan last night because I couldn’t self-talk my way out of it
I understand anxiety affecting you physically way too well. Currently in the throes of it even as I’m struggling with anxiety as I try to sleep. Maybe 4 hours collectively between Monday and Tuesday night
Yeah, I haven't needed my klonopin the past few days but I've been so tired in the mornings and just very concerned about my wife staying healthy and finding a job that won't wreck her mentally, emotionally, physically. It's hard to talk to her about those concerns because I don't want her to feel like a burden on my own mental health.
Yeah, idk if I’m in the right mind frame to be dating right now. The woman from the second date, who just wanted to be friends but seemed genuinely excited to meet up again, suddenly stopped responding as we were talking logistics to meet up at a karaoke bar. No idea what happened, people can be so weird. But it’s really bothering me, even though I don’t think I did anything wrong.
Ended up going to doctor today for some lab work to assuage my severely anxiety-riddled brain. Also got a prescription to try Zoloft, but my pharmacy doesnt have the generic, so I'm not sure what's going to happen with that. I've tried others but nothing really worked with any major effect.
Thanks. Do hate how I'll be mildly anxious about the lab results until those come in. Doctor was like "what you're experiencing is almost certainly just your anxiety as always, but let's do them just to give you peace of mind." lol as for anxiety/antidepressants, it's been a long time coming for me to try them again. Maybe be more outspoken when i'm not sure they're working rather than assuming i'm just wrong and going with the flow, which prob doesnt help the doc when it comes to adjusting dose or changing lol
I hate medication. I hate having mental health problems. I hate anxiety. I hate pain. I want to be happy, why is that so fucking difficult? I don't want to hurt anyone or be some amazing person. Just comfortable.
Because capitalists have designed a world that is untenable to live in for the vast majority of the global inhabitants (non humans included). Sorry that you’re struggling, but sometimes I find some solace in that the systems are so crushing I feel like I can’t do anything so it’s like trying to push a pickup by myself — it’s not happening so I don’t worry about it. then I get stoned and think about the way the world has been set up and want to burn it all down.
Well my labs came back much faster than expected -- which is good for my anxiety and means i didn't have to keep refreshing the app like a fool lol. All good and in many cases much improved upon since my visit last fall. So, my issues were NOT due to that. like it is every fucking time so far. I'm such an anxious fucking moron. It's good reassurance to see that tho. On the phone with doctor's office to try and get the anxiety meds situation sorted. Would like to get started on that ASAP. I'm such an anxious fool. Edit: Guess the notification from pharmacy was in error. I will get the generic zoloft after all.
I had another friend die today. It’s a little surreal and it’s becoming more common to have one or two people you at least were at one time close to pass away every year. This person was truly just so nice and would be a friend to everyone she met. If there was someone who you would want around for a long time it would be her. Very sad that she’s gone so soon.