I am just so tired of being alone. I'm tired of going everywhere by myself. I'm tired of having no one to call when I need help. If I'm excited about something, I don't have anyone to share that with. If I'm upset and just need someone to sit with me, I have no one. I just want someone for once. I've never had a partner and have always struggled to make friends. All the friends I have had have treated me like shit. I've always been treated like the least favorite in my family so it's just been me on my own for basically my whole life and I don't know how to change it. I've tried everything I can think of to make friends. It's just so frustrating to know exactly what you want but no matter what you try, you can't get it.
all things considered things are going well. but my weight is getting even worse and I feel horrible about it. I worked out a bit a few days ago and am planning on doing it again tomorrow. It’s so hard to get into the habit of doing it every day or even every other day. other than that idk things are kind of stagnant again, I despise the summer and the heat is already getting to me, it makes me so lethargic and uncomfortable and I hate going outside but my condo’s ac system is horrible so it’s hot as hell inside and it makes me feel awful
tw: pregnancy Well, my wife is pregnant, and I'm losing my mind lmao. I feel bad that my reaction wasn't, like, cutesy Facebook video reaction. It was more like...I'm standing on the stairs and I need to sit down because I think I might pass out. On one hand, this is what we want, I am happy and excited, but I am also out of my mind scared about the whole thing. I did NOT expect it to happen this soon - we took one half-hearted "if it happens, it happens" whack at it and here we are. (It's also only been a month, so we're not telling anyone, but I feel comfortable sharing in this thread.) She's more concerned about the pregnancy and complications/keeping the baby healthy, which is real, but I'm just coming to terms with everything in my life potentially changing forever. I feel like I have to take everything out of my head and write it down and start eliminating things and reprioritizing. I was going to go back to school in the Fall, which my wife and brother are telling me to still pursue, but I legitimately think it's a bad idea and borderline impossible with how aggressive of a program it is. Idk. My brain is in a million different places, oscillating between being excited and mortified. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel or if what I'm feeling (about a 50:50 excitement to frightened ratio) is normal. She feels the same way. There's also just so much to do. I need to get a car and get back on the road, which is terrifying to me in its own right, and her current job is not conducive to starting a family. I don't know how I'm supposed to work today. I feel like I need to spend every minute with her talking about this and making sure she (but in reality, more so myself) is okay.
One more thing - it's really, really hard when the first people I would normally call with information this big (my parents) are the ones I'm supposed to surprise and not tell for another two months, if everything goes well. Kind of brutal not having anyone but my wife, brother, and therapist (and now, this thread) to tell. I'm terrible at keeping secrets. One plus is that her cousin just told the family she is pregnant, and she's only a couple of months ahead of us. Ironically, her and Jess have joked about coordinating the birth of their kids since they were little.
wish I knew just haven’t been able to sleep the last couple nights and I’ve barely eaten because I haven’t had much of an appetite. it’s starting to scare me
Really truly thought years of processed chicken and Diet Mountain Dew would have done me in but here we are
I have been having trouble with sleep too. Just came off a super stressful time at work that isn’t totally over that I think caused it. But every night I wake up at around 3 am and can’t get back to sleep. Been going on for almost a week now. It’s really wearing on me.
I’ve been waking up around 4:30 am for a few weeks now. I can occasionally fall back asleep for a couple more hours but not consistently enough. I am working on it tho. Just too much stress and then some humid weather with me trying to save money and not run AC. Lesson learned.
CBD has helped me when I have sleep issues. Also wake up earlier and try to stay with the same schedule every day, even on weekends.