Apologies in advance for the long post. I'm feeling really emotional/confused/overwhelmed by all of this this morning. I laid down with my wife last night, we talked a little, I listened, gave my thoughts, and eventually she calmed down. But just like she doesn't want to go to the doctor for whatever stomach issue she's having because she's a medical professional and "they can't do anything about it," she doesn't want to bother talking to her therapist about "not wanting to do life" anymore because "it's been this way my whole life, she can't do anything about it." "I'm just being dramatic." Her emotions ramp from 0 to 100 and back to 0, and it's just so hard to keep up with. Like I said, last night was the first time in 10 years I've heard her say anything along those lines. We both struggle with depression, but I've never seen her so worked up that she actually told me there was no point to living. That scared the shit out of me, and now, I don't know how seriously or personally to take that and what to do about it. It's not like she's doing any of this maliciously, but it affects me. She came down and basically said "My problems aren't real problems because other people have it worse." Which is obviously not true, and I'm guilty of feeling that way too sometimes, but it's like...you don't get to have a meltdown that serious and then shrug it off and not do anything about it after the fact. I want what's best for her and whatever will make her the happiest, but she has to want that, too. Nothing's going to change if she doesn't take me up on identifying some first steps together. She'd rather bury it all until it all comes up again. And that takes a toll on both of us. edit: one last thing that's hard to tiptoe around is her hypersensitivity about being a burden. I can relate to this. But as an example, I'm supposed to get dinner and see a movie with some friends after work. After last night, I no longer want to do this - just don't feel up to it, would rather be at home with her. But the moment I'm like, "Hey, I think I'm gonna stay home tonight," she gets super upset about the fact that I'm doing it because of her and acting like it's her fault that I'm missing out on something fun. I obviously don't think about it that way - I just want to be home with her, but skipping out on this thing I don't really feel like doing now is going to turn into something really personal for her. TL;DR It's a very tough balancing act to know when I should be around, when I shouldn't, when to expect communication, and when I should be trying to mind read someone I love deeply who is going through it.
Thank you and thanks @SpeckledSouls for their comments last night. I'm confident we can get there. Just need her to want and accept help.
I can relate to all of this a lot. It’s really hard to see someone you love struggling and the 0 to 100 back to 0 stuff causes such emotional whiplash it makes you feel insane too when all you want to do is help. Just hang in there and do what you can for her, you’re a great partner
I've read some things about grieving the loss of yourself and how hard it can be to move forward as a new you. Your hearing changing may make things harder and you can't enjoy things the way you used to, but I hope you are able to find new ways to enjoy those same things or maybe new things entirely. I'm glad the hearing aids are helping. I honestly just want everyone to be able to love and enjoy what they're passionate about. I think it's something a lot of us in here struggle with for one reason or another.
My body dysmorphia is just so bad I feel so out of touch with myself. Like I can’t quit fixating on my hair and everything “bad” about it right now so I’m obsessively trying to find a new hairstyle but idk if it really even looks bad on me or it’s just me hating myself. I’m super focused on losing weight but I’m technically at a normal BMI for my height, I eat pretty healthy and exercise so I’m like should I really be trying to lose a few pounds or is it just me hating my body? It’s just a constant every day thing and I keep comparing myself to how I used to look/others and I just spiral. Idk how to stop doing this. I just want to even be okay with my body/face/appearance. Even if I’m never super confident or anything, whatever. I’d take just being comfortable with myself at this point!
I have a car again I’m so fucking happy I could cry it’s a cheap beat up 09 Camry with 200k miles but it fucking works baby
I wound up with a dark gray one but they had a baby blue one but it handled like absolute shit the one I wound up with is actually really solid
yeah no matter what we (me and my dad who helped me) were gonna go with Toyota or Honda since they’re so reliable even with tons and tons of miles on em. Also got one with an aftermarket radio with a big touch screen and blue tooth so that’s clutch as fuck
One time my uncle told me he visited his friend who was a salesman at a dealership and saw a big gun on the wall. "Is that for burglars?," my uncle asked. "No," his friend replied, "that's for when.the Toyotas start acting up at night." It killed me and I still think about it all the time lol
+1 for Honda and Toyota. Other than a 93 Nissan G20, all of my cars have been Honda, Lexus or Acura and they were all great cars that lasted a while considering most of them were 20-30 years old. Haven't needed any work done on my current '19 Civic other than replacing my brakes and battery because it sat for a long time while I waited for the title to transfer from my deceased grandparents. 16k miles.. she's gonna last a while
My mom and sister loved their 2007 hybrid Camrys. But the hybrid batteries died in both somewhere around 100k miles and they are nott cheap haha
I got a 2016 rogue in 2022 that unfortunately needed a ton of work it had 160k miles when I got it and within a month needed a new transmission and battery. I had a 2011 Altima many years ago that I loved and my older brother sold his 2019 Altima to my dad for my little brother when he turns 16 so I know Nissans rule but I had bad luck with my rogue. That’s the one I totaled last year that left me without a car
My 09 ford escape with only 80k miles on it (bought in 2017) was the worst though that thing was in the shop at least twice a year and failed inspection one year. Also totaled that one. I gotta stop relapsing and driving after I do
Yeah, unfortunately Nissan's newer transmissions have been really hit or miss since they moved to CVT. My fiance's 2014 Rogue started having transmission problems at around 80-90k miles which is apparently normal for those cars. Insaaane haha.
There is something inherently powerful about driving an older model car. Ego maniacs in their souped up trucks and fancy/expensive new cars wanna drive like an asshole and risk accidents with me? Go for it! My 2012 Ford with 180K+ miles have no fear getting dinged up on the road (or by carts in parking lots). Us older model / high mileage crew hold all the power!
I love my Toyota Corolla. I wanted a Subaru Impreza but my lil Toyota has been a dependable lil guy. Idk how people get a new car every five seconds cause I want mine to outlive me with how much it cost and then all the ongoing maintenance like oil changes and stuff