Mental Health Thread • Page 428

Sorry to jump in, but i dont really always know how to respond and i need to vent as im feeling rough lately and this seems like a safe space.

My wife and i (late 30's) arent having kids (without details, thats 100% settled), and were in a state without close family, but we do have decent friends. However, i feel lost and directionless and bored and depressed at the thought of the rest of life. I hate my job that ive been at for 13 years and feel loyalty to stay here and a sense of imposter syndrome preventing me from changing. I make good money, but lifes so expensive and we've done some reckless travelling the last few years so i feel broke now and were cutting back. Part of me says that no one will rely on me in the future, so be reckless, but when i look at the money i have, and no house, i feel the biggest sense of dissapointment and shame - like where did i piss it all away but then again, if i had more money for what?

I have no hobbies and most of my fun revolves around drinking and being high which i struggle with and know is too excessive, and im starting to feel im aging out of the activities i enjoy - concerts, bars, festivals etc.

Basically, as i age out of the things i enjoy and no prospects to replace them, and a job i hate, i cant see how life will remain interesting if that makes sense? I didnt want kids for many reasons, but part of me is envious at the direction and change a family provides. Without that, whats to keep things fresh? The only thing that does break up that feeling is travel which i cant afford to keep up with and drinking and living a lifestyle i should grow up from. But what that is i dont know, and it leaves me feeling bleak most days.

10 years from now will it be the same boring job, same apartment, same city and same pattern of spend too much to be happy for 2 weeks then plod on by till ive financially recovered to break up the boredom again, while abusing my body in between.

 

in the company wide meeting hearing about how we've improved on wages. i had to jump the turnstile this week to get to work.

 

All my friends are getting married and having kids at the exact same time and some of them are people I had no idea they even wanted either of those things. I already don't see them as it is and now I see them less. It certainly makes me feel like I'm missing out on the "next step" of life as if that's what it should be.

Some people do it to keep things fresh and give themselves direction as if they have no other options as an adult, but other people do it because they legitimately love the idea of having a family and I very much struggle with both things. I'm in the same boat as you, I fear what's next and I feel empty. I don't know what makes me want to continue living if the rest of life is just...this. But there's a tiny little thing in my brain that says there's something else out there.

If you've been at your job that long, there's a very real possibility you can find another job and get a pay raise based on your experience. You are not defined by your job or whether or not you own a house of your own. Get a better job, spend that money on what makes you two happy and keep some in your pocket for emergencies. Fuck everything else. Following what you love to do such as travel will get you the experiences and friendships you've been seeking.

As for the drinking and getting high, I can't relate unfortunately, but I sympathize as I feel my void with other distractions. Outgrowing stuff is totally natural and it also doesn't mean you won't ever fall back into them. I don't like going to concerts anymore. People are dicks and they're expensive sometimes and parking and so on and so forth. But you can find activities that replace these that will also reinforce a better mindset that will hopefully pull you away from drinking and such.

The best part of this is that you have a partner and if she's understanding of how you feel you don't have to tackle all this alone.

I'm wishing you the best.

 

You are very kind and thank you for this (plus to others who threw a like out). My wife is encouraging and has had her own issues that she has managed / manages, and is encouraging me to do the same (gym, healtheir habits, therapy, trying new hobbies activities etc. Its motivating and depressing at this time of the year as its the time to make change and start fresh, but it also feels corny to do it just because of the new year / new me aspect.

Also i understand i am privileged in a lot of regards but that doesnt always help the dark thoughts on rough days. Hope i didnt derail or overshadow any other conversations / concerns in here.

 

You absolutely did not derail or overshadow. I'm pretty sure we all try our best to give as much attention as we can to everyone's posts but that's also very hard to do. Everyone has lives and doesn't check this thread all the time/have the emotional energy at the end of the day to respond properly. Anyway, you're all good.

The other thing is that you're aware of being privileged and even if you are that doesn't take away from your feelings and how your brain interprets things. Your issues are valid and your troubles are part of your life. Comparison of pain helps no one. You can tell your brain "I'm privileged so I shouldn't be feeling this way!" but that's not how that works.

I'm glad your wife is working on/works on herself. Having a partner who actively wants to work with you must make you feel a bit more at ease. I agree with the sentiment about the new year new me mentality. The new year doesn't mean anything. It's just another day. But it can be good to use as a sort of marker to say to yourself "I started here and six months later look at me" and having a concrete date or a forced feeling of renewal with a new calendar year. It's never worked for me, but I know it does for some.

I'm pretty horrible anxious and depressed all the time. It makes my life considerably uncomfortable for me and the people around me, but I focus on what I can at the time and I make improvements as I go. I'm never going to be able to make all these improvements or changes all at once and it is probably harmful to take that much on. I would suggest just finding one or two smaller aspects of your life that you want more control over and finding some happiness with something new. And just start looking at job listings or writing down a pros and cons list of stuff you do and don't like about what you want from a workplace if you truly do want to leave and find something new. I know a lot of people who can just up and leave jobs and have done it multiple times over the past few years, find a better job each time, but some people can't do that. I'm very afraid of losing what I already have on gambling on an unknown quantity. But you and your wife have each other and will figure it out together.

I hope I didn't overstep any bounds or give too much of my own advice. I'm trying to be supportive and all of this is just my thoughts as someone who is in a very similar position to you. Take any of it you want!

 

I’ve been trying to take my vitamins but honestly I think they just make me feel worse. Has anyone experienced this?

 

Yes. Some taste disgusting, some increased certain levels of like calcium or iron or something too high. It sucks.

 

I just take what my doc recommended. Vit d3 and iron. No multis. But I feel more groggy in the morning

 

Life isn’t meant to be lived alone. Being single cost you more than being coupled.

 

Damn, don't do this to me. I'm having a hard enough time as it is.

 

Didn’t mean to. Realizing that made me feel worse :( I saw a girl on tik tok talk briefly about it. Like how what you’re spending in rent a month is cut in half, bills. Cooking food isn’t meant for single people leftovers go to waste.. got me thinking life sucks even more now bc I’ll forever struggle

 

Feeling super low today for what just feels like all the reasons. Just especially struggling in that I can't find a new job. Like I've been looking since summer and I had a period of interviews and now nothing. absolutely fucking nothing. I'm just so so tired. I don't know what it's like to be optimistic or hopeful anymore. I just want to be done, to not wake up on this shitting hell of an existence and planet. just fuck this and fuck it all.

 

Not doing well. Can't quite understand why someone would want to keep going in this world. It seems so heavy. Everything is so difficult and unfair.

 

I know how you feel. Single parenting is really hard.

 

I can’t afford to fucking live and it’s depressing as shit. When I try to do things to lower my bills, something else goes up astronomically that I can’t get out of

 

I’m in the office 1 day week, remote for 4 and it’s been this way for 2+ years and I know humans can adapt to things quickly and I love my team at work but even with that said, holy shit I am so mentally and emotionally fatigued at the end of each Tuesday (our day in the office). I cannot grasp how I used to do this 5 days week endlessly. Today wasn’t even bad - was relaxed and fun and a lot of laughs, but I just am so used to NOT spending 8-9 hours straight with 9-10 people on top of endless calls, emails, chats that I barely have the energy to drive home and make dinner before crashing by 8-8:30 lol

 

I wish I liked working from home it would make my life so easy

 

i wish i had a job. right before i got laid off we had just moved to in office 4 days a week and i thought it was corporate torture. i would take 5 days a week in office in a heartbeat right now lol

 

Five days a week in the office is killing me right now.

 

I just want my own office in the city. Not some stupid corporate crap

 

I downgraded my medical insurance plan because it was too late to switch companies. The plan still sucks and my deductible is astronomically higher so I’m hoping I don’t need any services where I have to pay my deductible first. That’s why I always choose the high plan bc I have medical issues that can causes serious problems at any time. But I can no longer afford it and I’ll be taking home less in my paycheck.

 

Pretty disappointed in how my psyche appointment went on Wednesday. My anxiety and depression have been the worst they've been in a long time (in that order), and I went in with the goal to 1) discuss all med options on the table and 2) get back on something short-acting for my anxiety, because while the propranolol helps, it isn't cutting it when I'm having an actual anxiety attack. Instead, my PA doubled my Zoloft - despite the fact I purposely asked about Wellbutrin because it isn't as associated with fatigue, weight gain, or ED. Asked her opinion on pursuing a medical card so I could get something high in CBD to calm me down and night and she said there wasn't enough evidence to support that and that it would interact with my Zoloft. So now I'm just expecting to be as anxious as I've been, but more tired and experiencing more issues while my wife and I try to plan for a family.

 

I know I'm going through it because the chorus of "Changes" just made me cry and it was the original Black Sabbath version, lol

 

I have been very disappointed with how psych appointments have gone in my life recently as well. I feel like in the last five years I have seen massive declines in quality from these appointments. To the degree they sometimes don't listen or are straight up dismissive. It's frustrating and I hope you find an avenue that works for you and helps your mental state.

 

Thank you, friend. She's usually very good, but this is the second time I've walked away with a negative experience. Prepared to give the dosage a shot for a week before calling and requesting she reconsider my situation.