Mental Health Thread • Page 417

I have completely lost control of myself again. I feel empty and hollow. I can’t access any bit of joy inside of me. Nothing feels good. I’m seeking professional help tomorrow but I’m really upset it’s come to this again.

 

I’m sorry man but you made a lot of great progress it seemed over the last couple years so don’t get too down.

 

Truly wishing you the best man and hope you get the help you need. Never feel like you're alone on here

 

thank you, it’s hard not to feel like that progress has been undone even though I know that’s not how it works and preach the opposite to everyone else, I’m in a position again where I need to take my own damn advice

 

How do I do things?

I don't remember how to do anything like getting out of bed or eating or talking to people.

 

I hate the holiday season so much. Depression is just an everyday struggle all year but from like October until April is just next level awful for me. Just all you see/hear the whole holiday season is how it’s about being together with your loved ones and all these fucking ads of happy people with their happy friends and happy partner and happy family and I am just completely fucking alone. And I know it’s fake bullshit but it still makes me feel like shit. Then I get through the holidays and my birthday is in march and all I can think is I’m another year older and still alone and miserable and everything still feels pointless. I just want to hibernate for a few months and wake up in the spring!

 

I was trying stuff on that I'm packing for vacation and yeeeeah the negative body image is gonna be off the charts. I feel so defeated. I want to enjoy my time and know that's what I should focus on but I'm gonna be picking apart and dreading every photo of me. Part of me is being hard on myself because I've gained some weight back and I knew this trip was coming and I'm mad at myself for slacking when I should've been working harder even tho that's unfair and unkind to myself. I keep watching old sitcoms and feeling so jealous of all the teeny tiny women in them. I feel like it wouldn't be SO bad if I wasn't taking the trip with my mother aka the one who projected this negative body image onto me my entire adolescence and caused me to have these issues in the first place. And I shouldn't be so hard on her because she has an eating disorder herself and is unwell but even seeing her body and knowing the lack of food and the intense excercise she does to get it is triggering to me sonetimes

 

Lowkey freaking out because I'm dumb as fuck and realized I've been fucking up for nearly a year by Venmo transferring to an old debit card that was closed out instead of my new debit card. So I don't know if I've just transferred like $400 into thin air over the past eight months. Shit like this always happens to me because I'm dumb as hell and avoid checking my banking whenever possible. So frustrated with myself.

 

I share those same feelings. I’m already depressed all year around, then the holidays come along and I feel even more alone. I try to tell myself the problem isn’t all me, it’s men. Like have you seen men these days. Either I’m not looking for the same things as them, or they’re awful. I even see other women on the clock app having the same experience when it comes to men. I’m just tired of being alone all the time.

 

Been feeling sentimental about how great and loving my huge family was growing up. 20 cousins. 6 aunts and uncles. Just a giant French Canadian family. Miss them all so much.

Got in touch with my older cousin who I was pretty close with growing up despite him living in Colorado most of his life, and then moving 3 hours away to CT. It was so good to reconnect. We hadn't talked in years and yet we talked so closely like it had been nothing.

He has the most beautiful family. A daughter and two sons. I've only met them once and it makes me sad. I consider them my niece and nephews because he always made me feel like a close brother, even though I was such a dork and he was the popular hockey player. His daughter was so cute the one time I did meet her. She's fucking 3 years old, my mom asks if she wants a whoopie pie, and she just speaks back in a British accent "can I have a macaroon"? We're all dying laughing and couldn't believe such a young kid said that.

Man. I want to be close with my family again. Makes me sad. But it felt great to reconnect. My grandma's house was the central hub for everyone and ever since she got dementia and passed away, nothing has been the same. My family grew up dirt poor, but somehow my grandparents bought an old apartment building that could fit such a large family. It was creepy, old and always falling apart. The place is now renovated and worth $1.5 million. We had to move her out 15+ years ago due to bankruptcy and put her in a shitty apartment. Just sad.

 

I'd kill to be close to anyone again.

 

Echo the holidays being very depressing. A lot goes into it, it’s stressful, dark (literally), cold. But it doesn’t help that all the tv, movies, and advertising create this expectation that it’s a joyful time with family and friends and makes it feel even worse when it’s not that way for you.

 

I’m so done. I hate my life. I hate being alive. I can’t do this anymore.

 

I really hate to give you the whole this too shall pass speech but it will. both the good times and bad ones are fleeting, so when everything is good and you’re happy: enjoy it. when things are bad like they are for you currently: keep this knowledge in mind, too. nothing in this life is static unless we let it be. whatever is going on, I know you have it within you to change things for yourself. please be kind to yourself right now. you need it now the most

 

I just read geoff rickly's book and thought of you. It really shed light on some internal addiction struggles I didnt realize. I hope you're doing well. It breaks my heart that anyone has to endure that but I'm grateful for the insight and have a lot of respect for how hard you fight to be your best self

 

This is partly mental health and random thoughts. How do people get divorced and immediately get into a relationship. Yet I can’t get a date. It’s hard enough being alone with no help to do household chores such as cleaning and dishes. It’s hard that my anxiety and other issues make it hard to go grocery shopping. Then I have to force myself to cook for myself otherwise I go hungry. It’s just miserable

 

Terrible feeling...very sorry to hear. I just try to remember that there's no use in comparing your personal experience to others. Things generally always look better from the outside.

 

My cousin and his now ex-wife announced their divorce in January and BOTH had new partners by June! It made me feel like I was going insane. Meanwhile I have been single for 2.5 years lol like what is going on.

I don’t really grocery shop/cook because of anxiety either. Thankfully I can afford to order delivery instead but yeah, it makes me feel like a failure at being an adult.

 

My parents had boyfriends before even filing divorce papers and still lived together. But my situation is kinda unique

 

My brother’s ignorance is such a fucking drag. If he wasn’t my brother, I wouldn’t have shit to do with him at this point.

 

I get it. I’ve been feeling the same way a lot lately. Used a couple of days ago. Please hang in there and take care of yourself.

 

Lol saaaaame my parents were a mess

 

Actually my cousin and his ex wife both have girlfriends now, which I guess is part of the reason why they divorced haha

 

Haha yeah my parents wanted us to have a normal childhood and stayed married until all three of us graduated highschool. Sat us down when I was 21 and shared that my dad's gay and they've known since we were little. Wanted us to have a "normal" childhood but I think having unaffectionate parents messed me up more than they thought it would. Never saw real love between my parents or grandparents. Just men expecting their wives to do all the cooking and cleaning

 

My parents should’ve gotten divorced about 10 years before they did and I think it messed me up too. My cousin and his ex have a 3 and 1 year old and our whole family always talks about how sad it is that their parents are getting divorced. And I’m like….no trust me they will be better off now lol