Mental Health Thread • Page 415

I’m at the point where I don’t even want to go into work anymore. People don’t pull their weight like they should. They don’t like to listen and do what they want, therefore I don’t feel respected as the lead. They put way too much on my plate and get mad when I miss something despite the fact that I’ve stated before the to have too much on my plate and to redistribute (ONE) duty. Like I’m asking for a lot. It’s at the point where I’m going home almost in tears. I think within the following year I’m going to leave and work somewhere else. I can’t keep going like this where am at now. It’s just thinking about WHERE I want to work. Also the pay isn’t there and know people who can help me find a place that will pay my worth.

 

I genuinely don’t understand what your friend’s issue actually is, you didn’t do anything. Honestly, I know it sucks to lose a friend but you’re really not missing out on that friendship if that’s gonna happen.

 

And what you're saying has been the general consensus among everyone I've talked to about it, so it does help to know I'm not crazy for thinking he's being unreasonable. And you're right, I'm not missing out on much.

 

Being with someone with mental health issues can be so hard, especially when you also have them. Communication breakdowns happen more frequently. It's hard to tell if a problem is being skewed by one of both of you. Sometimes, you have to choose to address things that you know are triggering because it's the only way to get through an obstacle, but you still have to deal with the fallout of bringing those things up. I wish it were as simple as recognizing when your illness is blowing something out of proportion, but it's so hard to see that (or to get someone to see that) in the moment. Your entire relationship becomes based on mind-reading.

 

Boy, do I feel this.

 

I feel this. People are always asking me when me and my fiance are getting married and I'm like idk man I'm just waiting for our relationship to blow up during the next time we address something

 

Yep. My wife and I want to start a family, but I also work at a university and have the opportunity to go back to school. I made the mistake of not pursuing it this past fall, and I feel confident now that it is the decision I need to make next year, and while my wife isn't exactly unsupportive, it causes friction. And passive-aggressiveness about "if we want to have kids" even though we both know we do. Today I mentioned wanting to move towards that for us and basically got a "I've just been waiting for you to figure things out," which is not a very kind or nuanced response. And if I'm going to have kids with someone, I need them to be supportive and kind, or at the very least, acting in good faith instead of feeling like we're constantly playing chess or tennis against each other.

 

I'm getting so upset and sad with people getting angry with me for having ADHD. I am clearly reading and typing on my phone, and my fiance gets furious at me because I didn't hear her talking to me when I'm doing something, accusing me of ignoring her. It happens all the time with so many people. I wish they could just understand that it takes a few seconds for my brain to "click" and context shift. I'm not purposely trying to ignore people. My brain just takes a bit to process things and catch up. I've taken neurocognitive exams with doctors who have said that my brain is slow to process things; that I'm definitely smart, but things take time for me.. I just wish people could understand, and instead it just leaves me feeling like a piece of shit.

 

Well, pretty sure this happened tonight. Heartbroken, she gave me back my ring. I'm sad, but think it's probably necessary. We both got really mean to each other lately. Not one person to blame. Just want different things. It's scary to think about living alone for the first time ever since I've literally alienated all my friends since we got together. Oh well. She's been really angry at me for fighting her on having kids and not moving, two things we absolutely can't afford. She says it's because I don't want those things, but there isn't really much I can do about it whether she likes it or not.

 

I'm really sorry to hear this, man. I've been there. I know this is easier for me to say, but things have a habit of working themselves out, whether it's what you originally wanted or not. Wishing you the best and my inbox is always open if you need to chat.

 

@RyanPm40 sorry to see you going through this stuff, it's emotionally draining.

I think sometimes the inevitable needs to happen and we need to strip everything down and get back to simple basics. It sounds like you both just need to be on your own and reassess and focus on yourselves and I think that's perfectly okay. Like you said, it seemed necessary.

The biggest thing i've done to empower myself the past few years is being okay with being alone/single. It took time but has really truly helped me.

 

I woke up to her wearing her ring again and being nice to me so I guess we're back together? Haha.

 

It's very much day 1 couples counseling stuff, but the biggest and most helpful tool my long-term girlfriend and I have learned after years of huge blowups and fights is to use "I" statements. 9 times out of 10, for us at least, the biggest thing that leads us to spiraling is one or both of us don't feel heard. We're still working on using them BEFORE a fight happens, but they are very useful as a way to stop down in the middle of an argument and say "hey, neither one of us are listening to each other, let's just say our I statements to ensure we both feel heard". I definitely implore couples that struggle with communicating to use them if they aren't already. Essentially you say, "I feel ______ when you _________." and then give them the course of action you'd like to see in the future, the other person has to listen and repeat back. Helps in a lot of other work and friend situations as well, you might not always get them to repeat back what you said in those situations, but just getting the words out and making sure you communicated your feelings clearly helps lessen your frustrations.

 

Yeah I tried that when I was sick the other week and she kept asking me to do errands for her. "I feel like you don't believe me that I'm sick when you ask me to run errands for you". She told me to "get fucked" because she's done errands for me when sick in the past (on her own choice, I never asked her to).

She needs therapy very badly, but as soon as she tells a therapist she has Medicaid, they ghost her

 

lol yeah it definitely only works when both parties are on board and do their part.

 

I use a lot of I statements but I struggle when someone's I statement isn't how I feel. Then I get caught up in being right. If they were to say "I feel like you don't care when you don't pay attention to what I'm saying" I still get defensive cause then I'm like "it's not that I don't care but it's hard for me to focus when it feels like you're talking at me instead of to me" idk maybe that example doesn't work but I always feel the need to correct their perception because I cannot handle feeling like someone has an incorrect perception of me and then it gets into justifying my actions because of my intent not being to hurt them. Even tho I logically know about intent vs impact. Man idk human relationships are hard. BRB gonna go live on an island alone.

 

My aunt’s funeral is tomorrow and I’m dreading it so much. I’m not very close to my mom’s family. I don’t have anything against them except I avoid all family gatherings bc my one uncle makes me so uncomfortable. I stopped going to any family events years ago bc he always makes sexual comments to me and it’s so disgusting. My mom gets really upset bc I never spend holidays with her and I’ve told her I have nothing against her family, just him and I cannot be around him. And she tried to be sympathetic but then says shit like “he wouldn’t actually do anything! He’s harmless” Ok but I’m his niece and he shouldn’t ask me to mow his lawn in a bikini either among various other nasty things he’s said to me. Like I ran into him in a public place and he was with his friend and he introduced me as his hot niece. That’s fucking creepy!! I’m going to get there right before the service and try to get out of going to the dinner after but I hope my mom doesn’t get upset with me. I just get so anxious as soon as I see him and get physically sick.

 

Yeah if I had a brother or brother in law hit on my child I would be decking them. That’s gross af

 

I hurt myself bad. I went on a three week fentanyl binge that opened up too many old wounds and spun out of control quicker than I could realize what I was doing. I had 16 months clean. Now I’m back to day five of a detox from hell. How many more times am I going to inflict this trauma on myself?

 

I'm on thin ice at work for my performance and very close to getting fired. They have been doing quarterly layoffs since we got bought out by a private equity firm anyway, there has been a promotion freeze, and people are leaving in droves because there is a general feeling like the company is fucked. I am 35 and I have worked at this same company since my late teens so I have been reluctant to leave. I live by myself so ever since we moved to work from home during Covid I have felt isolated, stopped going out, stopped taking care of myself, distancing myself from friends and family. I am starting to think maybe I should just quit, live off my savings for a couple months, get my mind and life right, and then find something else.

 

similar situation.. 35, working at the same company since i was 18 with no post high school education. have a pretty good job with a decent salary. my company had a shit year and is most likely doing layoffs in the upcoming weeks. super stressed that i'm gonna be on the chopping block. don't think i could get a comparable salary right now on the open market with my lack of educational background.

 

My university is also doing budget cuts (and I was planning on asking for a raise, lol). I feel you both and am wishing y'all the best

 

Too much of my identity is tied into my job and when I receive criticism I spiral which is not good because by nature of it many people I work with dislike me or what I represent. It's not that it hurts my feelings necessarily. I guess it's more that I try and work so hard and really do my best to go above and beyond and when that's still not good enough to some I have a tendency to dwell. Even if logically I know they're just projecting or processing trauma or whatever it may be. I need to learn how to leave that at work and not bring it home but I don't know how. I have been productive today but it's been lingering in the back of my mind all day as well.

Got a lil starbucks treat and am on my way to do a lil local store shopping/browsing so hope that helps. Even tho then I just kinda dwell on my rampant consumerism.