Mental Health Thread • Page 386

My 2023 is off to an awful start. I’m sick and can’t go with my dad and brother to the Rangers game we got tickets for Christmas tonight. I feel guilty because I never get to see my dad. Urgent care was useless and expensive because I started a new job and insurance hasn’t kicked in. And my downstairs neighbors (who are also my landlords) have been screaming at each other all day so I can’t even relax! Aaahhhhhh I hate everything

 

One thing I like about tiktok is that occasionally I'll come across a post where someone talks about something, then I read the comments and people talk about the same/similar experience and I don't feel alone anymore. Like it would be something I never talk about because its embarrassing or traumatic, where I feel like I'm the only one that thing happened to.

 

Nothing like having covid for Christmas and your birthday.

I'm just now back at work and I still feel like total shit. Fuck you Covid.

 

Ugh I'm sorry, I had it over Christmas too and I really missed family. I feel mostly better but still have an unending cough and shortness of breath - felt like I was gonna pass out in the shower last night heh

 

It started out like a head cold, then I lost my smell and taste for 4 days, slept a lot those 4 days.

Now i'm just fucking worn out. I've been going to bed at like 8pm every night.

 

Not sure where to post this thought and trigger warning I suppose is needed.

a coworker called me out of the blue today for help with a question (usually teams chat is how we communicate) and we don’t really have a close relationship and when I said, “hey how’s it going, happy new year” he says, “going great. I have covid and getting yelled at for all sorts of stuff so trying not to shoot myself in the head” and then he kind of laughs / scoffs and then asks his question. I can’t recall him making any sort of joke like that before. He’s complained about work and having covid in the past but nothing that included self harm in the comment.

will probably message him tomorrow something along the lines of “hey, figure you were joking / using a figure of speech but seriously take care of yourself” and leaving it at that. Just seems like the world is in such a traumatic time and who knows what each person has going on I wouldn’t want to know someone said that and later did something and I just heard and it and moved on but also don’t want to make a bigger deal out of it than it may have been.

 

There's a lot going on right now. Incoming students, so work is ramping up, and because they're ESL students, my availability can sometimes seem to get lost in translation. I have kids lining up my door when I already have things that absolutely need done by the end of the day. And at home, my wife's dog just passed away suddenly. It's a pet my wife grew up with, so of course she's upset, but on top of that, her mom is already in a really unstable place mentally so she also has to worry about her mom self-harming. So for a few days, it's just kind of felt like my stress level has been a constant 7.5 or so without relief until my wife goes to sleep.

I'm okay -- things are actually not as bad as they seem (I've been worse before) and could always be worse -- but it's draining, and I can't wait to be done with work today and just go home and order in and rest,

 

Saturday night was fun, but rough. Got so drunk with my friends I barely remember what I said, and I know I acted like a dickhead for the most part throughout the night. Got home safely in an Uber, but ended up falling asleep on the couch vomiting all over myself and my carpet. Showering and cleaning it up at 3am wasn't fun.

My relationship with alcohol is a complicated one. I'm 32 now, and I can honestly say since I was about 21, I've been drunk/drinking most weekends. I'm fine throughout the week, and I don't need alcohol on my day to day, but being an anxious person with an extreme FOMO complex, and an active social friendship group, I've found drinking just to be a thing we do when we hang out. I'm only a beer drinker for the most part, but from time to time will drink shots, cocktails, wine, etc.

It doesn't affect my ability to go to work, pay bills, etc. and I only do it in social settings/weddings/holidays, etc, but of recent times I believe it's starting to make my anxiety worse, not be fun in those late night hours where everyone's fucked up, and the hangovers and mental anguish the day after make me never want to drink again, and I don't think I want to.

My newborn son is 7 weeks old today, and my wife is an amazing human being. I can't do this shit anymore.

 

I wanna reach out to the people I pushed away when I was in the throes of my addictions but I feel like if I did, I would be intruding in lives that went on without me and my anxiety just puts these bad thoughts in my head about it.

 

Pretty sure I destroyed my 9 year relationship because I'm an inattentive ass who can't do anything spontaneous or romantic among other things. Took her for granted for too long and let my depression get in the way of everything. I've ruined her life. She can't afford to live on her own or pay her bills and her mother is toxic as fuck. She feels trapped. What the fuck is wrong with me where I can't get off my ass and buy her some fucking flowers occasionally.

 

shit, man. I’m sorry you’re going through that.

 

recognizing it is step 1!

don’t give up now - step up and show her how much she means to you if it’s not too late!

 

I hate sleeping. It's the time where I can't distract myself by keeping busy and I ruminate. Even interactions earlier in the day I felt fine about, I will overthink until I've picked it all apart and hate myself for what I said or did or could've done differently. When I do eventually fall asleep I usually have bad dreams so I procratine trying to sleep. It's just such an ordeal every night.

 

This site makes me fucking crazy sometimes.

 

I feel that, it’s better than other places, but people still forget they’re communicating with other living people sometimes

 

like it was fine (no it wasn't but whatever) in 2007 when I had no idea what I was doing on sites like this. I was 23 and annoying af.

 

I'm so glad I never got into Reddit. I would probably have my ass handed to me daily.

 

I need to get some things off my chest.

Remember that health scare before xmas with my boyfriend? well.....long story short, he's a recovering addict and he had an accidental OD. Needless to say, he's lucky he's alive, very remorseful that he fell off the wagon. The doctors discovered there was Fentanyl in his system so, that was fucking scary.

I know some people on this site have had their own struggles with drugs and drinking so I'm sorry if this is triggering at all, but I just needed to get this out finally.

He's been doing great tho (he goes to a therapist weekly and gets drug tested every Tuesday) but now he's dealing with the loss of his favorite uncle who has been in hospice for the last 2 weeks and he passed away around 11pm last night. I suck at being supportive via texts or calls. I'm more of a hold you while you cry support system. I wish I could just leave work at be with him today.

I haven't seen or spoken to my mother since May 3, 2022. I reached out to her in October for her bday, Thanksgiving and Christmas and got nothing back. My birthday was January 2nd and for the first time in 39 years, my mother didn't wish me a happy birthday. I know I'm the one who set the boundaries and told her that she can't speak to me the way she did, but I miss my mom and I can't believe she didn't even wish me a happy birthday.

Its weird to miss someone but not really miss them. Sounds crazy, but I kind of feel like she's...dead. Is that bad/weird?

Anyways, as always, thanks for letting me lay all my shit out here.

 

Sounds like there’s a lot of heavy stuff going on in your life right now. Your boyfriend is lucky to have you as a support system and as long as you two communicate openly I’m sure y’all will be able to find a comfortable way for you to help him out. As for the mom stuff, that’s rough and I don’t have much experience with those kind of family issues, but proud of you for setting healthy boundaries. Distance can be hard, but it doesn’t always last forever. Hopefully with time you two can develop something mutually comfortable.

 

Boyfriend has been way more open and honest since all that. I told him that's key to this all working and staying sober. But I also know how hard addiction is. No one is perfect and sometimes we fuck up. I think the fact he outright knows he has a problem and wants help is why I'm still in this.

Sadly I don't think things with my mom will ever mend. She will never change and I can't parent my parent anymore. She held me back for most of my adult life and since I cut her off, my life has been amazing.

I'm so thankful I have a saint of a father and my step mom is amazing as well.

but the kid in me wants her mommy to just love her.

 

Also, the fact that my mother's side of the family didn't wish me a merry Christmas or a happy birthday either just speaks to how the Saenger side are a bunch of selfish fucks.

but my step-fathers side of the family (Papa has been gone for 3 years this November) still includes me in all holiday gatherings, wished me a happy bday in the family group text...really tells me that I was never the problem. It was my mother. She fucked up with my father's wonderful family and she fucked up with my step-fathers wonderful family.

bottom line, you suck, Jill.

Ok I'm done now lol

 

It is so scary how fentnayl is in so much. If you don't already it may be worth keeping some narcan on hand just in case something happens again or just to have in general. Sounds like you're a positive support for him which is awesome. feel free to vent in here because you need support too.

 

we actually saw something on tiktok about that. I’m picking some up this weekend.

and thank you! Means a lot to me!

 

i know almost literally NOTHING about fentanyl or Narcan but one thing I happen to have been made aware of is that I guess Narcan will bring the person back but they will still need emergency medical treatment because after a short while after giving the Narcan the person can crash - or something like that. I’m sure (hoping) the packaging probably says what you should do and whatnot but just an fyi

(as I say this I feel like maybe most people would be like “duh, that makes total sense” but I guess I could see someone giving Narcan and then they just… start watching tv or something lol I think too many people think it’s like a magic elixir cure all and then that’s that)

 

I wouldn't have known really what to do afterwards, but my boyfriend used to be an EMT so he gave me the whole run down on what to do after giving someone Narcan. I think everyone should be educated in it, like CPR or other life saving techniques.