Mental Health Thread • Page 364

one of the absolute worst facets of having clinical depression is that you never quite know when an acute depressive bout will come on, but once it does it's much too late and you're already spiraling without any semblance of hope or any real tangible joy

in other words: it's a fucking blast

 

Those “least favorite child” clips on tik tok are very triggering. Oh how I have so many stories. Also the trauma is to the point where I blanked a lot of stuff out, and in order for me to remember, something has to trigger that memory

 

Currently in one :(

 

very sorry to hear that, my friend. it's a very hopeless feeling but I assure you that you'll get through it. please be well and take care

 

Thank you, I appreciate it. I’ve been through it so I know how to wait it out and seek help when I need it.

 

some days (like today) I'm so fucking depressed that I don't even know how I make it through

 

Sometimes, for me, getting through the next hour is a victory and I set focus on the next hour and so on until the day is done.

 

I’ve never posted in or ever really read this thread before so I’m sorry if it’s not really the vibe of what’s meant to be in here but I think I’m kind of having a personal crisis.

Basically my girlfriend left yesterday to go visit her home country of El Salvador and I haven’t heard from her since she got on the plane to go there yesterday evening. That sounds worse than it is because she had let it be known to me that the area she was going does not really have an internet connection in most places, and her grandmother that she’s staying with doesn’t have Wi-Fi, but I guess I at least thought she’d be able to text me from the airport when she landed so I’m kind of freaking out at the fact that she didn’t. I’ve even googled plane crashes a couple times.

I’m sure she’s fine and she wants to contact me just as badly as I want to contact her but the longer I go without hearing from her the more I kind of spiral. I’m even sneaking this post from the bathroom of my work because it’s all I can think about and I feel like I need to write it down or something, I don’t know

 

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that right now. Do you know her flight number? You could probably look up the status and completion of it and avoid googling plane crashes.

 

Also, to get specific, last year from like June through January this year I was so depressed that it literally shut me down. I could barely do anything. Taking a shower was something I needed to sit down for at one point. Just massive fatigue to the point I would wake up, sit in a chair in complete silence because I was too depressed to even enjoy tv/movies or podcasts, shower at some point slowly, eat a lunchables for lunch, and then just either sit in a chair or lay on our couch. I couldn’t work. In May I would try going and be physically done within an hour. I went on leave and they were pretty patient with me, but I was let go in October since I wasn’t able to come back yet. I did various tests and tried different medication all summer. Finally I was sent to a psychologist. I was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety. I started therapy and got all new more powerful meds. I also hadn’t slept through the night for like a year. So they gave me trazodone for that. I was able to start sleeping better pretty quickly, and anxiety got better. Depression took upping dosages over a few months, but in April I think we found the sweet spot. Anyway, from like December to April, I would sleep, wake up, watch 6-8 movies and go back to sleep, and repeat. As the meds kicked in more and I was no longer employed, I started leaving the house for the first time not for a doctor in like 4-5 months. I returned to theaters, going to Walmart for myself, and my therapist encouraged getting out for anything I could. I guess my point to all this was to give context to those months I just watched movies. Like, I would just focus on watching a movie. Then another, and another. Until it was time for bed. It helped me get through many days as my meds were finally kicking in and getting the right dosages.

maybe try something like that? Something that helps pass time but isn’t super long and can feel accomplishable. Like, hey, I can watch this two hour movie. Then do another. I got caught up on so many movies and was able to check out some classics I never had gotten around to.

I don’t recommend doing this to the point you lose your job or anything, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to make it through.

now I’m on the other side in a lot of ways with a new job I’m really enjoying where I’m paid more and have a lot of improvements. I also had started to hate my old job and felt like I didn’t belong there anymore due to the revolving door of leadership.

 

I didn't know the flight number but I found some site called FlightStats that I think is accurate and I'm pretty sure I found the flight which says it was without a hitch. I fully realize I'm probably freaking out over nothing (she did warn me after all) but I still can't help but have a pit in my stomach

The funny thing is I would probably be 100% fine if I had just gotten one text from the airport, but maybe the internet was weak there too, or something with international data

 

Glad you know her flight went well. And you probably are overreacting given the lack of WiFi and international travel, but it’s out of your love for her. It’s not always going to be rational. It’s okay and important to express those feelings. But it’s also important to them take a step back and rationally examine those feelings with the facts of the situation and see if those feelings should continue to go on. Which is far easier said than done and not as simple as flipping a switch. Seems like you’ve started that process. Being able to know her flight was safe should help. I do hope you hear from her soon.

 

feel much better today than I have in a long time, which is proof enough to me that these things do pass and life does change and with it, your perspective on things too. just wanted to share for anyone else who has been having a hard time lately. it may not seem like it at the moment but things will get better

hope you're all well

 

I heard from her!! Not a great connection still so not much communication but that one message did a lot for me.

Sorry for this weird detour in the thread lol, and I really wish all of you the best with your journeys

 

Mostly positive post for once: I'm in a good headspace for the first time in a while. I've been making a conscious effort to do things with friends more, and in less than a month I'll be driving out to Pittsburgh for a rhythm game tournament with friends from all over the country. I don't know how long this period of relative stability will last, but I am taking every opportunity I can to appreciate it.

 

I've been dealing with a restructure at work over the last couple of months which has meant my old job role (which I cared about immensely) no longer exists and I've been moved into doing something I don't care for at all, whilst some friends in my old team have been made redundant. I've started applying elsewhere for roles similar to what I was doing beforehand but have been getting nowhere.

It's all been incredibly draining, and I've seen a huge decrease in my own energy and motivation and it just fucking sucks. I know I'm lucky that they were able to accommodate a new role for me, but it's not what I want to be doing, and I just feel like I've hit a wall.

Just wanted to rant!

 

This is currently what I've been trying to do and sometimes it feels so overwhelmingly excruciating :(

 

I know this feeling. The best thing I can say is, when you do find your next step, this will have been the catalyst for it. Sometimes change is good, even if we don't want it!

 

Ooof feels like this is happening a lot lately. I've been in my job for about a year and its been constant restructuring. Luckily my team is separate enough that we haven't changed much, but just working within that environment is exhausting. People in various levels of authority are always turning over and switching roles, making simple tasks difficult to navigate through suddenly. Sorry to hear everything has been upended, but hopefully this leads you to something better.

 

Just some general anxiety and depression today globbing onto whatever it can - work, my kidney stones, my self-image. Also haven't seen my brother in weeks (he lives less than two miles from me) and I know he works a lot, but it's like he can literally never make the time. Thankfully I have therapy tonight.

 

I’m in a similar position. Got “promoted”/moved to a different position that came with a nice pay raise but I truly hate it and just procrastinate constantly because I don’t care about it at all. I want to start applying elsewhere but whenever I get off of work I just want to lay on the couch and not do a single thing.

 

I was also moved into a new role at my last job when we came back from COVID. I hated it but pushed through for months. Then my body shut me down with my depression and forced me out of the job. I would have never left otherwise. I would have stayed and been miserable. But again, my body said “fuck that” and set me free from it. I’m a month into a new job that I enjoy more, pays better, and doesn’t involve being outside amongst the general public in Florida .

 

Always a win

 

doc prescribed me lexapro. 5mg to start with for the first week and then 10mg after that for 6months. heart monitor showed my hear beating faster than it should irregularly so appointment with the cardiologist on the 18th. not a good combo having both anxiety and a heart that naturally beats too fast lol. how have you been doing?