Mental Health Thread • Page 352

I could really, really, really use just a couple days off work. My mental health is so fucking bad right now and I've been so exhausted lately. I feel like everyone has been needing my help lately so I've neglected myself and could really use a few days to just focus on me but it takes me 4 fucking months to earn a single paid day off so I have to be really careful how I use them and feel like I need to keep them in case I get sick. Plus I promised my nephews I would take them on a trip whenever it is safe to do so and I have only earned a single paid day off so instead I will spend today sobbing at my desk!!

 

I'm just sad and lazy. I want to care about stuff, but it's just so difficult for me. I don't think I'll ever get anywhere in life and I don't know how to move forward.

 

been having a lot of suicidal ideations as of late, but the thing I've realized is I don't really want to kill myself, I just don't want my life to be the way that it is currently and I feel stuck. I know people can change because I have and I've seen it, I just don't know if things will change along with me or if I will always have to contend with these same things that make me have those thoughts to begin with. I don't feel like I have a true confidant anymore, I've cut off most people in my life because my depression is so bad that I barely have it in me to lie and say something as simple as "I'm good" when asked, and I feel horrible about all of it but I just can't be present and there for anyone when I can't even do that for myself right now. I always try my best to be kind to myself but I'm just having a very hard time lately with even seeing why I'm here or why anyone would want me to be. I just want to feel normal. I just want to be ok

 

Bad things always happen to me. Always. I know that probably sounds like a stretch but it’s true. It’s like I’m cursed. Forever cursed. It contributes to my depression.

 

I wish I had someone I can vent to about my day and work. I can’t really do it on here because I want to keep most things “private” or can’t really vent without giving too much detail. I had a scare and pretty sure my stalker came into my work. I ran to the back and asked my co worker and showed her a picture. She said it looked like that person. I’m afraid I’m going to be there alone one day and they’ll come and start shit up again and I don’t have time for that.

 

I’m not living, just existing. Pure survival mode. 222 days of lockdown will certainly fuck a person up

 

yo your country is ridiculously fucked up, two and a half months of serious lockdown drove me fucking insane and resulted in a terrible relapse that lasted over a year, I can’t even begin to imagine 222 days of that

 

That’s a long time for lock down. I had to check your location to see where you lived. Didn’t know it was that bad over there?

 

I’m so sorry Jake. total isolation, losing work, not being able to see friends or family, and the helpless feeling is too much for anyone!

We had a four month lockdown last year, idk how I made it through. Felt hopeless all the time. Now this “7-day, short sharp lockdown” has lasted 35 days and won’t be lifting anytime soon. I don’t see a way out of this

It’s not that bad in terms of cases, hospitalisations, or deaths. We’re in lockdown again because the government - at all levels - had 18 months to prepare the hospital system to deal with covid (we didn’t have cases for months earlier this year, we totally squandered invaluable time) and the Prime Minister put all eggs in one basket with the AstraZeneca vaccine, which is manufactured here in Melbourne.

AZ has saved millions of lives, but due to early breathless reports of rare blood clotting incidents from the vaccine, the Australian immunisation board ruling that people over 60 should be the only people taking the vaccine and everyone else should wait for more Pfizer or moderna to arrive, the Queensland Chief Health Officer saying that she’d rather an 18-year-old die from covid than from the AZ vaccine, and the PM holding a late night press conference to say anyone who wants AZ can take it but fill out an informed consent form, people have bought into fear and distrust and the anti-vaxxer problem has gotten even worse.

Luckily, people under 40 have stepped forward and millions of us are taking the AZ vaccine (myself included) because we realise that the benefits outweigh the risk and vaccination is the only way forward.

 

I'm so terrified of death. It consumes my thoughts. I don't want to die ever and sometimes that makes me suicidal. I've been surrounded by so much death and loss over the past two years. Five deaths close to me and my family. It's so much. I hate getting older. I don't know what to do.

 

Anyone have strong feelings that certain things aren’t in the cards for them, and it’s actually came true?

this is how I feel. I strongly feel like it’s not in the cards for me to find a mate, and be happy. I don’t see myself ever owning a house (doesn’t help that housing prices are out the ass). I see myself poor and struggling to get by. I have health and other medical problems that will only get worse as times go on. I’m at a higher risk for cancers. I will have no one to take care of me. I will have to suffer alone. This doesn’t help my depression one bit. It truly feels like I’m being punished in this life. Nothing has gone right for me. No matter how hard I try, bad luck and extreme misfortune ALWAYS happen to me.

 

Feels like my self-care has become so intertwined with capitalism. Like I literally don't know how to do self care without spending money. Because all I ever want to do is buy stuff whether it's a little makeup thing or house decor or a coffee or tea. And now I resent corporations for promoting self-care so much because we have taken mental health and made that for profit even more and I am not happy with it.

 

Target couldn't even fill the void cause the one here barely has any Halloween stuff out

 

This community has definitely stopped me from killing myself at least a couple of times.

Thank you all.

 

this is exactly where I am today.

i turned in my last assignment for my last class yesterday and “graduate” on Monday when my last class ends and I was gonna celebrate and be a total cliche American today and go shopping and buy a bunch of shit. Nothing extravagant and stuff that would actually serve a purpose but I ended up not feeling like driving several hours there and back so I didn’t and I legit didn’t know what to do with myself then today lol so I went back to bed for awhile.

I also feel like I spend money when I’m bored, and now without classes and just work is gonna happen a lot so I’m trying to set up more and longer workouts and get back into reading as I have hundreds of unread books on my shelf, but it’s weirdly hard to stick with it with not resorting to spending money to feel like I’m “having fun”.

 

Congrats on graduating!

I've kinda done the same thing. I think I've spent too much money on other things lately that spending it for self care isn't even enjoyable it's just stressful. I'm also moving soon and don't want to buy more stuff I have to pack. Normally I also eat my feelings but I've been trying to lose weight so nope on that. Even considered dying my hair but the effort and clean up sounds too daunting. So I just took a nap lol

 

I'm very glad to hear this and hope you are doing well. We are always here for you!

 

Debating putting this post here or in fitness but I think it works better here.

I went on my shopping spree today and overall I am content and happy with what I bought. Everything is useful and necessary - mostly clothes. However, I needed new clothes because I’m currently a bit of an oval to circle shape and all my current clothes are, let’s say, rectangles that I don’t really fit in at the moment.

part of me out off buying new, better fitting clothes, thinking I didn’t deserve to spend money on new clothes that was just going to “cover up the problem” and that by having to wear ill fitting clothes that would make me exercise more and get back in shape faster to fit the clothes I already owned. Mentally, buying new bigger clothes felt like a “waste” on one hand because “if I had just stayed in shape I wouldn’t need to spend money on this stuff and this isn’t fixing the problem this is just covering it up”. I know that’s being way too harsh on myself, but that’s how part of my brain sees it and worries that now that I have clothes that fit I’ll be less motivated to exercise when in reality I mostly exercise for the mental help it gives me, not the physical.

another part of all of this is that I haven’t seen anyone I work with in person / above the neck on Teams in over 19 months and I dread that suddenly we’ll have to go back to the office and I’ll be the only one out of shape and everyone will notice. What am I? In sixth grade? lmao I know no one will care and I know I won’t be the only one “out of shape” but the longer we work remote the less I want people to see my body unless I look great lol

 

I feel you with this. I was very hesitant to buy new clothes after my weight gain but I ended up pulling the trigger and felt so happy about it. I felt so uncomfortable in too tight clothing and it wasn't flattering and I just felt like garbage all of the time. Be encouraged! If anything having welfitting clothes motivated me more because people actually thought I had lost weight just from getting my proper size. Even though I hadn't actually lost any weight at that point just the fact that people thought I did because my clothes fit better sort of motivated me in itself. When I felt more confident I'd feel more motivated to exercise than when I was harsh on myself and wanted to hide

I also feel you on the other stuff because I was mortified for things to be more in person and everybody notice I gained weight. Which I'm sure they did notice but I doubt you will be the only one who did. So many of us have been struggling with weight during this time. So far people have been very encouraging to me as I slowly lose the weight. It was super hard for me because I have always been very petite and small and didn't realize how much of my identity I had wrapped up in that until I gained weight and almost had a breakdown. We are so much harder on ourselves than anybody else would be

 

A physician's appointment this month to get the side effects of this medication checked out won't be in the budget, though it might happen in October. I'm not in any pain - the more severe symptoms haven't kicked in, so maybe there's still time. I feel upset towards my clinic and their apathy about this happening to me. Time to watch and/or listen to something upbeat to take my mind off this.

 

This is awful. How much is your appt supposed to cost?? Smh

 

Hey I know it’s blacked out and not possibly looking for a response but I hope you have someone to talk to if this is the case. I’m not really sure what to say but if your spouse is verbally abusing you by yelling, it’s not right. I wish I could help but I stay away from this site 99.9% of the time. I hope things are okay

 

It's worrying but I might've freaked slightly more than needed honestly… The rash does seem to match the description of an early symptom of a potentially fatal side effect… but it's the only symptom so far, and even if I visited a doctor this month instead of next I'd probably have to keep taking the stuff for another eight months+ since the tapering period's supposed to be one month per every year you've taken it or else health problems might kick in (whenever I skip a dosage my heart starts beating fast, insomnia, etc). So it's still an issue, but I'm not sure anything can be done about it right now. Plus there's always the possibility i don't know how to diagnose this stuff and the doctor will confirm it's not a side effect of the medication.

I also kinda regret posting that the way i did - it's a weird and awkward thing to say out of the blue, just had to vent is all.

 

I hope it works out for you. Definitely feel free to vent!